I circle like a vulture and
In deepest secrecy
Dare not divulge the nature
Or give out my strategy
And with the stealthiest of stealth
Unrivaled by a cheetah
I look on cups filled with cream puffs
Yogurt, spanakopitas
And with my wig and sunglasses
Practically incognito
No one will guess my gluttony
I wait on the burrito
She says it’d be 10 minutes so
I hover real near by
Studying a box of mac n cheese
I’ve no intent to buy
And soon the microwave bell dings
And surely I got dibs
But tell that to the woman waiting
With her seven kids
Nervously I do surmise
A serving less than ample
Dismayed as the burrito’s cut
To no more than 8 samples
Little fingers greedy clench
And little mouths that dine
Upon food that for all intent
And purpose should be mine
But what is this I come upon
In slow motion unfolds
The hands that eagerly stretch out
Of a poor three year old
Anticipation on her face
So pure and filled with light
All awaiting joyous tastes
Within the tiny bite
But all is fair in love and war
Some day she’ll understand
Just why I had to snatch the sample
From her tiny hands
I’m sure she will forget about it
By end of the day
And prob’ly wouldn’t have really
Enjoyed it anyway
And after that all bets are off
And destiny it calls
Along with soda, ice cream, meats
And two jumbo meatballs
Cheeses, crackers, sausages
Nuggets shaped like stars
As I cut a blind man off
To grab granola bars
Cookies, coffee, gummy bears
All worthy of a try
As well as some strange chewy stuff
I can’t identify
And vegan gluten free wheat cakes
That taste a bit like tin
A candy coated laxative
And children’s vitamins
And with all tables visited
It’s time to head on out
With bile in my stomach and
A bad taste in my mouth
And as I’m headed for the door
A woman there does greet
Me to ask me if I bought something
She would check my receipt
I say to her that I did not
And thank her for her service
But giggle that she’d think I’d
Actually make a purchase.
Inspired by a local story you can read about here, which turns out to be not nearly as funny.
Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth 
Those free sample giveaways can get rough sometimes.. awesome, Marissa!
I know. You really have to go in with the heavy artillery!
Haha, I love the camouflage and sneak attacks 🙂
I think this sample giveaways are a lot more common in the States … was such a good one again, Marissa 😀
I imagine they are much more civilized where you are…or really anywhere else. Heh, heh, thanks Erika!
Haha… or anywhere else…. lol!!!! Loved it, Marissa. You are amazing!!! 🙂
Awwwe, thanks Erika!
I always enjoy it. Have a great Saturday, Marissa 😊
Laughs of appreciation from me and my daughter. She’s taking her grade 12 English and learning to write poetry. I thought reading your posting would give her some insight. I could hear her laugh at several spots. Always love your poetic
Oh, I am completely flattered. I’m sure she will soon learn that my poems don’t always scan very well but a laugh is all I’m really going for!
To make people laugh is a true gift. Cheers!
…*poetic humor.
Jolly good the lovely Marissa. Back in the UK tomorrow will have a major read of your offerings on Sunday morning methinks! Trust all is spot on!
Of course…well don’t look too closely. Welcome back Mike!
They are installing facial recognaition software at the door of Costco to thwart you and preserve profits.
Foiled again!
Gah!!! The Costco sample tables drive me insane!! Seriously, what is wrong with people?!! I avoid any area around a sample table as much as possible
Me too! Well, except if it’s chocolate…then all bets are off!
If my Costco gave out chocolate samples, I would be all over it too.
… but they don’t.
*Sigh*
Mine does rarely.
I guess they know that chocolate isn’t exactly a mystery to be discovered 😉
But I wouldn’t mind discovering it over and over again…
So much to choose from in those sample lines, gotta stand your ground, ha ha!
Oh, I know, and don’t get me started on the ones where they bring in a company where there’s like 10 different meats and you don’t want to seem like a pig but you really want to try every single one… but maybe not buy any…
Of course, ha ha!
That three year old had it coming! Seriously though, I read the news article. What is wrong with people?
I was wondering who would actually click through. Thanks for taking the time. When I heard the story I thought the premise was kind of funny but after reading it, it just started to sicken me.
You made your own scenario funny. That’s what you do. The actual story is sickening. American consumerism at its finest. 😑
yes, really! Thanks Kim. Felt kind of bad using it for humorous inspiration but I was laughing when I first heard about the story but then when I read the details I just thought the guy was disgusting.
That was great. I was almost “Rappin” it as I read it
That’s me…the rappin’ rock n’ roll mama!
I am hooting, my oldest saughter lsughed as i read thid aloud to her. 🙂 🙂
This reminds me of a big grocery store’s sample centers. I love the seafood mixture on toast or pita points, cake, cookies and water chestnuts wrapped in bacon with maple syrup drizzled on them. As a single Mom of 3 we would head out after breakfast to one of such places “eating out for lunch!” The coupons they passed out for some of the samples were too exotic or expensive during this period of my life so I would hand them to an incoming customer!
Ha! You probably could have worked there! You have no idea how often I wonder whether some of these families are actually feeding their kids lunch at the samples counter. I’ve never gone so far with mine but I have walked into certain grocery stores if I need to kill time, hoping they will have samples for the kids!!
Yes, Marissa this can keep children quite entertained. I also was amused about your holding your ground and wishing to try each sample not just one type but the variety sampler plate 🙂
Oh, of course… I mean while I’m there right?
Not too sure on whether to scold you or applaud you. Snatching food from a 3 year old? Really? Yet overall I did laugh, as I usually do for your talent just far outweighs the fact you are downright rude. Tee hee …. Good one, Marissa. Remind me not to be with you when there are free samples around. LOL ❤
Amy, I think you know I was only kidding, right?? These are just projections on some of the things I see when I’m at a Costco and there are samples around. I would never actually steal food from a 3 year old…although I’ve been tempted….especially when it’s chocolate. Ha, ha! Hey, if you really want to know how disgusting people can be, you should read the article I linked to in here. I know I made light of this situation and I did laugh at first, but after reading the article, it just sickened me. BTW, no pressure, only if you have a bit of time.
I know you were kidding, Marissa. I was saying what I did with tongue in cheek. You would never steal anything from a child. I’ll read the article in a bit … if I dare to. Peeps are rather sick for real.
Yep, don’t worry if you don’t have the time but…ugh…really something.
Saw it. Like I said, there are some real sickos in this world.
You sampler you!!!!
Sampler?…or trampler…?
Both. Sadly, both Marissa.
Sunday afternoon at Sam’s Club (The KS version of Costco)
Happy trampling, er, sampling!
Oh yes, quite familiar with Sam’s Club as well. I wouldn’t go near either on a Sunday…especially a supermoon one…if it could be at all avoided.
You are sooooo right! Less than 3 hours away from the eclipse and I can feel the crazy rising. Or maybe that’s just the effects of having 3 teenage boys, 3 teenage girls, and 5 dogs hanging at our house for the day. 😝
At that point it’s anyone’s guess.
Ouch! People are crazy!
Very true! Did you read the article? Not that you have to but your comment makes me think that you might have.
Free sample woes…loved the way you’ve captured it Marissa
Thank you! Yes, it seems even free samples come with a price!
Funny!
And people really go to have a meal on those free sample days (at least where I used to live. I remember going there to watch the people go back and pick again and again. I always hope one day the put all the recordings of the surveillance cameras for everyone to see 🙂 )
Oh yes, that would definitely be a source of embarrassment!
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