The White Trash Palette

Blogging is challenging because, not only do you have to write well, but you have to engage your audience.

I wrote this poem for my husband not too long ago. I, of course, thought it was HILARIOUS.  And then I asked myself, I said, “Myself, does anyone really care that my husband is worth his weight in saturated fats?” Probably not. But today is our 13th wedding anniversary. So this one’s for him. And if you like it, that’s cool too.

Oh, and don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Some husbands got money,
Some husbands got talent,
I think I landed me the best,
When I got the White Trash Palette.

Don’t need no GPS for fast food chains,
He knows just where to go,
If he don’t know the locations,
He sniffs them out with his nose.

It’s like the golden gates of heaven part,
When we step inside,
Cause he’s the White Trash Palette,
And he does it deep fried.

He’s eaten more burgers,
Then the Earl of Sandwich,
Burger King is his servant,
Ronald McDonald is his bitch.

He’s hanging with Carls Jr.,
And he’s getting macho,
With Jack in The Box,
And upper management at Del Taco.

Don’t need to ask how to take my meals,
I know that he’s the boss,
He’s the connoisseur of french fries,
And he gots the special sauce.

And when it comes to lovin’,
We take that magic ride,
Cause he’s the White Trash Palette
And he does it deep fried.


Las Vegas, NV 4/28/2001


Napowrimo Entry #9

The Chocolate Drawer

There’s the Bermuda Triangle, there’s the Black Hole, and then readers, then there’s the Chocolate Drawer. It has been said that in the Chocolate Drawer, a number of pieces of chocolate of various types and sizes have disappeared under mysterious circumstances. The Chocolate Drawer can be found in a part of the world that few dare to travel to for fear that they will never return and readers, that part of the world, is My Refrigerator.

For those of you daring enough to try to navigate the Chocolate Drawer, be warned and plan your trip carefully. You probably want to avoid visiting during, or immediately after Halloween, Christmas, and Valentine’s Day. These are times when the chocolate drawer is particularly treacherous and may even overflow to other regions of the refrigerator that can also be dangerous for completely different reasons. These regions include The Fruit Drawer, The Refrigerator Door, and even The Freezer.

They say there is an evil ogre who keeps guard over the Chocolate Drawer. She is known by several monikers including ‘She Who Guards the Fridge Evilly’, ‘She Who Holds the Key to the Chocolate Drawer’, ‘Satan’s Guardian of All That Is Chocolate’, and ‘Rock N’ Roll Supermom’. (what??) Also, beware her two winged monkeys who can’t seem to keep their grubby little hands out of the drawer, and can become vicious if provoked.

Very few have visited the Chocolate Drawer and returned. While popular culture has attributed various disappearances, supernatural activity, and even the presence of extraterrestrial beings to the Chocolate Drawer, scientific evidence can only support the occasional staining of clothing, chocolate beards and mustaches, and of course, mild to severe stomach aches.

Those of you who still show interest in visiting the Chocolate Drawer should be well aware of all the risks you are subjecting yourself to. The Surgeon General of the Chocolate Drawer (because there is one of those you know) warns: Visits to The Chocolate Drawer May Be Hazardous to Your Health, Side Effects of Visiting the Chocolate Drawer May Include Addiction, Head Rushes, Weight Gain and of course Death, Do Not Make Eye Contact with Rock N’ Roll Supermom, and above all, Do Not Pet or Feed the Monkeys….BUT I SAY…

If you’re going to die of something, it may as well be chocolate.


A Rare Photo of the Chocolate Drawer