The Kids Will All Write

Ever since I started blogging I’ve been driving my family crazy. I follow my husband around, iPhone in hand, reading him my poetry from the drafts in my email account. Often times this is when he is trying to get ready for work. Or in the shower. Or on the toilet. For some reason, unfathomable to me, he seems a bit annoyed by this.

My 11 year old son, on the other hand, is a much better sounding board. He listens attentively, and finds my poems just as hilarious as I do. Not only that, but he is genuinely concerned about the response my blogs get. And, if I follow your blog on a regular basis, chances are he’s read one or two of yours as well (age appropriate, of course).

But lest you think my son is some kind of goody two shoes who heads the Dean’s List and runs for school council, he is not. Although my son has above average intelligence, his grades often teeter on the wrong side of a B average, all due to a lack of passion and work ethic.

When I suggested my son do a guest blog for me, I thought it would be met with all the enthusiasm of reading a ‘Fun with Mathematics’ text book over the weekend. But I was wrong. Instead my son bombarded me with questions; what should he write? when should he write it? when would I publish it?

I am not much of one for participating in or suggesting challenges, or that a blog with my meager following will be able to sustain this, but if you have or know a kid who writes, and want to publish it, let me know about it, in comments or a link to any blog, and I will reblog it. Artwork is welcome too. This is about getting our kids writing and welcoming a new generation of bloggers.

I am publishing my sons guest blog, ‘Stupidity Is Infectious’, in conjunction with this one. I ask you all, shamelessly, to please come out and support it. You won’t be disappointed. Thanks.

In the meantime, please enjoy my daughter’s artwork (A.B. age 7)

Smoke And Mirrors

Those who follow my blog might see,
My recent switch to poetry,
This blog will serve as reference,
To justify this preference.

I can write a poem that will pour,
With imagery and metaphor,
And if you’re smart you’ll get the gleaning,
I don’t even know the meaning.

But it’s my hope these works get known,
And make it into sacred tomes,
Where critics will be none the wiser,
As they pull it apart to decipher,

What secrets these words may keep,
Since they are in fact so deep,
Analyzed over and over again,
By the smartest of women, the greatest of men,
Professors and students of English lit,
Who will never know it’s all bullshit.

image credit:  flickr.com

The F Word

A writing challenge
How absurd
To write a blog
in fifty words?
It’s so unfair
I’m at a loss
Can’t even get
A point across.
A battle in
My mind ensues
The outcome is
I always lose.
Come up with something
Then I’m stuck
And word fifty one
Is always…..

Photo Credit: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pictofigo_Frustration.png

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/04/07/writing-challenge-fifty/

I Don’t Feel Like Blogging Today…

I don’t feel like blogging today,

Don’t feel like being witty,

I thought of the things that I might say,

And nothing’s sounding pretty.

 

I don’t feel like blogging today,

Not feeling inspiration,

I looked at the calendar and it said,

I’m due for a blog vacation.

 

I may just sit on the couch all day,

And pretend that I’m a queen,

Who has nothing better to do with her time,

Than watch Oprah and read magazines.

 

I may take the kids out to the park,

But whatever’s in my future,

I can guarantee that it won’t be,

Spent at some dumb computer.

 

You can’t get me to do it,

No matter what you say,

Nohow, no who, nowhere no way,

You’re gonna see me blog today.

Write! (Two Poems)

Write!

Wake up in the night feeling inspired,

Walk around the next day blissfully tired,

Release my thoughts to a sea of bloggers,

Only to find they are barely acknowledged.

But those thoughts couldn’t be kept in side of my head!

Sure as I’m alive, they needed to be said!

And this is a fact that is indisputable

Based on that one person that might say, “That’s beautiful.”

 

The Metamorphosis of A Writer

Who can I be today?
Maybe a child out to play?
Or maybe I’m a bit depressed
And you won’t see me at my best.

Maybe I’m a single girl
Breaking hearts around the world
Or will I make you think twice?
Like a prophet giving sage advice?

Scathing and bitter my words may strike
As you hesitate to comment much less like
Or attempts at humor that may be
Dismissed as nothing more than silly.

Maybe I’m a mother so filled with adoration
Or a fellow writer giving inspiration
Or maybe I hit on something real
That makes you say “That’s EXACTLY how I feel!”

And so Oz-like, the curtains part
And though you wait with beating heart
And steel yourself with bated breath…
You see a housewife at her desk.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/24/writing-challenge-reflections/

Moi? Blogger Of The Year?

So yesterday something wonderful happened to me…twice. I was nominated Blogger of the Year…twice!

I know when you get these nominations the protocol is to…well let’s just say it’s a bit complicated as apparently it involves cutting and pasting html, links that are actually supposed to work and look presentable, and nominating your own set of bloggers for the award.

As a woman over 40 years old (I know, I know, I don’t look it do I?) these things just don’t come naturally to me. I am simply not part of this technologically advanced generation. And as for making nominations of my own, equally as stressful, as I simply can not fathom who to put in, who to leave out, who needs the mention more than the others, and who simply would not care whether I mentioned them or not.

So the first thing I want to do is thank the two bloggers who nominated me. The first is Sparrow http://spacemonkeytwins.wordpress.com/. Sparrow’s blogs would be worth checking out for her amazing water colors alone, but what amazes me about Sparrow is that her subject manner and presentation can be so simple (a baby’s tooth, a walk in the park) yet she manages to bring her blogs to life in such vivid detail. I almost feel like I have held her darling Space Monkey Twins a thousand times.

You can also join my other nominator on her site One In A Million Baby, http://theoneinamillionbaby.wordpress.com/ and follow her through a journey which includes a pregnancy fraught with complications as well as all the other joys and obstacles of motherhood. Tessa speaks with a clear intelligent voice and presents smart opinions which make you laugh, cry and think.

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank the followers who actually do follow and read my blog, the followers who no longer read my blog, but did not delete me, sparing me the depression of watching those numbers fall (cause kharmas a biatch, yo), my family who has put up with me making fun of them in so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so many blogs, and of course, more than anything, I would like to thank Satan without whom none of this would be possible.

I would also like to mention that since winning these awards, I will be answering only to the name Her Majesty Rock N’ Roll Supermom. Also, my appearance may change radically due to all the botox and plastic surgery my agent has advised me to get. Also, now that I will be so overwhelmed by feedback, bloggers that do not immediately get a response in my comment section may email me privately for an autographed picture. Thank you.

My Agent

 

http://theoneinamillionbaby.wordpress.com/2014/03/07/they-love-me-they-really-love-me/

http://spacemonkeytwins.wordpress.com/2014/03/06/my-gosh-blog-of-the-year-award/

My Song

It takes a lot of guts to blog. I mean, you throw your feelings, art, and/or opinions into cyber space and wait to see who will like, dislike, follow, unfollow, get completely pissed off, or, perhaps worst of all, ignore.

Personally, my blogging process goes something like this:

Step 1. Write blog

Step 2. Read and reread, cursor hovering over the Publish button

Step 3. Read blog to my family while giving them a third degree interrogation of what they think about the blog, why they think that, whether this part’s stupid and whether that part’s funny, until they all refuse to talk to me

Step 4.Finally hit Publish

Step 5. Spend the next 10 minutes ringing my hands and saying “Oh God, what have I done?”

Step 6. Spend as long as humanly possible avoiding going back on the internet certain that whatever I have just published has caused all of cyberspace to implode

Step 7.Finally ‘man-up’ and go to the computer to deal with whatever response I’ve gotten

Step 8.Spend the next 24 hours hitting refresh

Now, I may not be an expert on blogging, but I have ascertained a couple of things:

1. If your bloggers like you, they will not abandon you so easily.

2. The more I obsess about who I may piss off with my blog, the better it seems to go over.

Yet despite my deductions, it still does not prevent from going through this ritual before each and every blog.

I know there are plenty of super confident bloggers out there who just post and post and don’t seem to care what anyone thinks of them, and to those bloggers I say, “Hell yeah, good for you!” But to those of you who might feel even the littlest bit like I do, there’s a song, called ‘My Song’, that my sister wrote a long time ago when we were in a rock band together and it often goes through my mind when I am trying to build my confidence and I am writing the lyrics here:

Is it okay

If I sing my song

If it’s out of key

If the words are wrong

It’s just my song, it’s just my song it’s just my song.

Is it okay

The things that I wear

The way that I look

How I comb my hair

It’s just what I wear, it’s just what I wear, it’s just what I wear

Cause sometimes I get so confused

And I don’t know what I should choose

And I don’t know what I should say

Is it okay?

Is it okay

The things that I eat

If they’re too sour

If they’re too sweet

It’s just what I eat, it’s just what I eat, it’s just what I eat

Is it okay

The way that I feel

It’s not a big deal

I just know it’s real

It’s just how I feel,it’s just how I feel, it’s just how I feel

Cause sometimes I wake up at night

And I can’t tell my left from my right

And I don’t know what chords I should play

Is it okay

(Big bombastic guitar solo here)

Is it okay

If I sing my song

If it’s out of key

If the words are wrong

It’s just my song, it’s just my song it’s just my song.

Pic: My sister and I back in the days when we were fab

23 Things You Should Do Before You’re 23

So over the weekend Suzie81 wrote a blog about another blog, 23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23. I had never heard of the original blog, but apparently, the girl who wrote this blog got called a slut and a whore for writing about alternative activities she would partake in rather than getting engaged before turning 23. Also, apparently, this girl’s blog went viral. In the meantime, I can’t seem to get arrested in this town. So taking the point of view that all publicity is good publicity, here’s my list but it’s late so I don’t think I’ll get to 23. Bring it on bitches!! 1. Sleep with at least 10 people 2. Go out without any underwear 3. Strip in a strip club 4.Hang out with Miley Cyrus 5.Go through a goth phase 6. Go through a heavy metal phase 7. Go through a punk phase (complete with green hair, a mohawk, and piercings) 8. Get rip roaring drunk and throw up on your neighbors lawn 9. Sniff glue 10. Worship Satan http://wanderonwards.com/2013/12/30/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/ http://suzie81.wordpress.com/2014/01/04/23-things-you-should-actually-do-before-youre-23/ (blogged, trashed, revised, reblogged, thank you)

Auld Lang Syne

A week or so ago, I wrote a blog complaining about how few people were reading my blog. Since this drop off began around Thanksgiving, I, of course wondered if this was due to the holiday season, but, since people are now so well connected, media-wise, I really wasn’t sure.

Yesterday, I was reading a blog by Rarasaur which confirmed this suspicion. Not only did she comment on how blogging and readership slowed down during the holiday season, but she went on to say that some bloggers do not blog at all, and I am seriously considering following that path because, well, you don’t just get all this for nothing.

Although I started blogging in June, 2013 will mark the end of my first year as a blogger and as I look back on the year, I feel a bit sentimental (cue piano). When I began blogging, I did so because I felt it would be a therapeutic outlet for myself and if I reached out to one or two people, so much the better. What I didn’t expect was to meet a whole community of bloggers that I would begin to feel a part of. These are people who I wake up to every day and their blogs crowd my inbox with little wisdoms that feel like emails from a friend (but not quite because, you know, I’m just not that crazy yet), and they have become supportive and colorful characters that are a part of my virtual life. Their blogs have touched me, made me laugh and cry, they have taught me and inspired me, and more than anything else, they have given me something to do when I’m bored at work.

My original intention was to mention some of the bloggers who I feel deserve honorable mentions because of their blogs and their support, along with adorable personalized messages, but then I began over thinking the politics of who to mention and who would feel left out, so I decided not to go that route. I am hoping that those people know who they are.

There is however, one blogger I would like to mention; one blogger who has always been there for me, alway inspires me, always likes my blogs no matter how stupid they are and, without whom, I probably wouldn’t blog at all. After all, what is a rock n’ roll super mom without a Hvymtldad?

Rock n’ Roll Supermom – out. Have a great holiday season and I’ll see you in 2014!

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Everybody Hates Me (Justin Beiber)

Everybody hates me, nobody likes me, I’m gonna eat some worms…oh, hello there. Sorry I didn’t see you come in. I was too busy wallowing in self pity. Why, you ask? Oh, you didn’t ask? Well I’m going to tell you anyway. Although I write blogs that I think are funny, witty and topical, it seems my comments, likes, and general readership are diminishing.

Before I continue, I’d like to thank everyone who has made it on this emotional journey with me to the second paragraph. After all, cry and you cry alone, right? For the few of you who have remained, sorry, you must be feeling awfully embarrassed, face palming yourself and thinking, “oh no, she did not just go there.” And admittedly, this may be the bravest, or stupidest thing I have done as a blogger, but I did put a lot of thought into this publication. Why, just last night I asked my 6 year old daughter if she thought that it was ‘too much’ for me to write a blog about why no one is reading my blog. She just shrugged and said, “No one’s gonna read it anyway”.

However, there is a light at the end of this tunnel; a hope for salvation. Yesterday, I read a post by http://thephilfactor.com/ about how every time he uses Justin Beiber as a subject for his blogs, he gets a bunch of hits. So, as I embark on the depressing task of compiling a list of possible reasons why no one is reading my blog, I will attempt to use the name Justin Beiber as often as humanly possible. #justinbeiber

1. I’m not funny

2. I’m not witty

3. I’m not topical Justin Beiber

4. I’m too old

5. WordPress simply does not have enough room for another satirical middle aged mom

6. I’ve offended everyone who has ever read my blog

7. All of my followers have a money sign in their blog name  Justin Beiber Justin Beiber Justin Beiber

8. I’ve never been one of the popular kids, why should now be any different

9. I don’t write enough blogs about Justin Beiber

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• http://thephilfactor.com/2013/12/10/the-power-of-the-bieber-my-thank-you-to-justin/