What Halloween Means To Me

1. Standing out in the cold, going door to door and hoping that the people behind the door will give my kids candy  (now I know how salesmen and Jehovah’s Witnesses feel): 2 hours of my life I will never get back.

2. Hoping that no one throws eggs at me while doing so: there go another 10 naturally colored strands of hair.

3. Spending good money on costumes my children will only wear a handful of times: Buh-bye Mr. Jackson, nice knowing you Mr. Grant.

4. Hoping said poorly made costumes will survive being worn said handful of times: another bottle of hair dye.

5. My children getting excited to dress up and a fridge full of candy (which we will be lucky if we finish by Christmastime): priceless.

Happy Halloween and remember, if you don’t want trick or treaters, please turn your porch lights off. It makes it a lot easier on us parents!

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Waving the White Flag?

Well it’s been a long hard road, but I may have finally come to an impasse in my battle with homework, teachers, and all things related. I would like to be able to conclude, to seal things off with a nice little bow, where there is, if not a victory, then maybe a sense of closure. But instead of this nice neat little bow, I’m afraid it’s more of a fraying cable and my neat little package is, in fact kind of bulging all over the place, it’s contents threatening to come tumbling out everywhere.

I did have a meeting with the Principal, the Showdown at High Noon which was more of a “What do you want me to do about it? Talk to the teachers.” I explained to him that the teachers were no longer returning my emails and he did, at least, open a line of communication, I think…

Anyway, I should give him some credit because he did actually meet with the teachers who did nothing more than blame my son and his habits, most of which he has since corrected, for their own shortcomings. It is sad that they feel the need to defend themselves at the expense of their students. I think it is appropriate here for me to include the letter I sent to my son’s math teacher last night:

Dear Ms. Teacher,

I believe the last time we communicated was when you made a recommendation that Jesse leave your class to take Math 6. (her answer to my complaint of over-homeworking – take a simpler math class-Ed.) I was grateful for your communication. It made me realize that perhaps Jesse was weak when it came to his multiplication tables and that he was taking a challenging class.

 

I asked Jesse at that point if he wanted to continue on in your class and he did. This meant that Jesse, with the help of myself and his father, needed to concentrate more on what he was being taught. I grilled Jesse on his multiplication tables and he got out of math boot camp and his grades have come up in your class and I hope they will continue to do so.

 

Jesse also needed to hunker down more as far as his work habits go. He is now beginning his assignments in class when given the opportunity to do so and I know this because I see the work he has done. (This in response to a false accusation she made about my son.-Ed.)

 

I do want you to know that although Jesse’s work habits have improved along with his comprehension, the homework assignments continue to take him a minimum of 45 minutes, and often an hour. When I check his homework, although I use a calculator, and have Jesse’s homework for reference, it can take me anywhere from 20 minutes to a half an hour.

 

Thank you for your time.

This letter, by the way, is a completely watered down version of what I would have liked to say, but I felt the need to hold my ‘tongue’. It is, after all, a long hard road that leads to end of my son’s semester. And, by the way, I did not get a response from Ms. Math Teacher, so perhaps the roads of communication are still hopelessly blocked. But then again, what was she supposed to say?

I’ll tell you what she was supposed to say! How about “I’m so sorry Mrs, Bergen, that I love to torture 11 year olds with an inappropriate amount of homework and potentially ruin their young lives and I’ll never do it again!!” But she did not. So I guess we will just agree to disagree. #peoplesuck

My Mom Will Probably Kill Me

Another one from my son Jesse saving rock and protesting homework…one kid at a time!

Guidelines To Being A Slut

For too long I have been on a rant about schooling, and though it’s been fun and will probably continue later in the week, I feel the need to get a bit naughty, to get back in touch with my roots, to let my hair down, a veritable cleansing of the palate if you will.

I think it’s time to holla to some of the young girls out there and let them know, it’s okay to be slutty. In fact, this blog is inspired from conversations I’ve had with other housewives about my past, and I can’t help but thinking the good girls missed out. And as a matter of fact being a slut can be a liberating and feminist experience.
Okay, so first you might need to get some slutty girlfriends over but if you don’t have any, it’s okay. Sometimes going out alone can be very alluring as well.
Now reach back in the closet for that dress you bought but never thought you’d wear because it’s too short, somewhat see through, the cleavage is too low, or whatever wardrobe malfunction is waiting to happen, and put it on. Now I need to advise you DO NOT take your favorite pair of leggings and pull them down below your waistline. DO NOT take your favorite shirt and put the bottom through the collar until your form some deranged sort of bra top. That is just skanky and desperate. You need to have the slutty clothing in advance and if you don’t, you might need to go on a shopping trip to Hollywood Blvd or somewhere as delightfully inappropriate in your home town.
Okay, now put on the high heels, you know the ones that are really too uncomfortable to walk in and that you totally regret buying because you never wear them. Well, here’s your chance. By the way, you may need some practice walking in them. But if all else fails, get some of those slutty friends to prop you up on either side. It’ll be adorable.
So what time is it now? 8 o clock. Okay, you need to get comfortable because your not going anywhere till at least 11. It’s best to show up just when everyone is drunk enough to have fun and mingle but not so drunk that they’ve given up all hope of getting laid and are now too far gone to do so, and are probably throwing up in the bathroom.
You’re at the club now, right? Preferably it’s a rock n’ roll dive with lots of loud, sleezy music but if it happens to be a rave or something equally hideous, just adapt. It’s very unattractive to whine and decidedly not slutty so just have another drink.
Set your sights on that guy. You know, the one with the greasy hair and the dirty jeans? The one with his hair hanging down in his face ever so slightly? Find a reason to talk to him. If he takes your lead and you hook up, great. Otherwise, spend the rest of the night ignoring him. The trap has been sent. Move on to someone else, ideally one of his friends.The fact that you hooked up with his friend will not make him think you are unavailable, it will only make you more enticing.
Now if you do end up hooking up, try to make it at their place. This leaves you to make your escape quickly. As a matter of fact, if you can split in the middle of the night while they are sleeping, kudos to you. Either way, never overstay your welcome. It reeks of desperation. Besides, who wants some smelly hung over guy romping around the apartment and making a nuisance of himself at 10 in the morning? Also, never volunteer your phone number and if they give your their phone number dispose of it immediately. If you are interested in seeing them again, strategically plant yourself at the club the next time you think they will be there. Or better yet,  maybe this time you can hook up with the guy with the greasy hair.

So Then This Happened…

So while I,  Rock N’ Roll Supermom was out trying to stop Homework from eating up our children, other Super Villians were taking advantage of my situation and attacking from the other side. I was blindsided by… The Teachers.

First came… The Math Teacher. My son had an assignment and, because he was able to figure out certain problems in his head, and didn’t show his work, he was deducted 50% from his assignment. 50%?? Really?? Come on!! I wrote to the teacher to tell her that I happened to know my son was able to figure out these assignments in his head but was met with stony silence. I guess I am fast becoming one of her least favorite customers after accusing her of doling out excessive homework assignments. Anyway, I know ‘Not Showing Work’ is a big one, and choose your battles, right? I guessed I would leave sleeping dogs lie as far as that was concerned. But then…
The Science Teacher cometh!! So on this occasion, Mrs. Science Teacher decided to deduct an entire 10 points on my son’s test score because he forgot to write his last name on the test bringing him from a 90 to an 80. Really?? 10 pts?? Come on!! He’s an 11 year old boy! That’s what 11 year old boys do!! I’m sure when he’s 30 and a CEO of a huge company signing contracts he will be including his last name, and if he’s 30 and forgetting to sign his name on welfare applications, we have bigger fish to fry.
Anyway, the thing is, I am meant to understand that school funding, which is so precious in this economic climate, is based on student’s grades. I am constantly being bombarded by letters and emails asking parents to help bring student’s grades up. So how can we do this?…how?…how? Oh here’s a good one…how about we tell the teachers TO STOP BEING SUCH HARD ASSES ON OUR CHILDREN…HUH? Anyway, excuse me for losing my temper a bit on this one. Where was I? Oh, yes.
Anyway, an update on the homework front..
I wrote again to the man at the school district who did not respond to my second letter asking him how we can enforce homework guidelines when teachers are underestimating the homework load.This time he did write back. One thing he advised is that I have a face to face with the principal. I’m not sure if this will do any good since the principal is already aware of my problems, but I did email him to ask him what he thought, and if we do meet and anything interesting comes of it, you will be first to know.
Slightly more interesting though, is that he recommended an article to me that had recently been published in Atlantic Monthly on homework. There is a lot on it I have already seen and read but a good read none the less. However, one thing it discussed was how one of the reasons the U.S. assigns so much homework is to be competitive with other countries as far as student grades go. First of all, this is stupid because study after study proves that giving students more homework doesn’t improve grades but beyond that… Isn’t it enough that our children can be sent out to war when they are 18? Isn’t it enough that the U.S. is a superpower who can blow most countries to Timbuktu? Isn’t enough that America is the land of the free, home of the brave, give us your tired, your poor? Fuck the other countries! Let their children be miserable!

Open Letter to The Principal Pt II: The Saga Continues

Well thank you all for your outpouring of support on the ‘too much homework’ subject. I really don’t know how many of you might be chomping at the bit to hear some follow up, which really wasn’t much, or terribly exciting, but I would feel remiss if I didn’t let you in on some of my findings.

1. Well miracles never cease because the principal did respond to me, but only to refer me to someone else, or as the case may be, quite a few someone elses. He told me to talk to someone who worked at my sons school district and also to consult the teachers. So….
2. I wrote to this someone at the school district (same letter pretty much) and maybe miracles never do cease, because he wrote me back as well. He said that the policies of how much homework was being given to the students were recently reviewed and currently, students in my sons school district, should be receiving 4-8 hours of homework a week. He also suggested contacting the teachers re the homework. So…
3. Now actually the teachers for me are a bit of a touchy subject. As I mentioned before, my son was missing some assignments and the teacher’s had been very helpful to me in helping him catch up so I thought it might not be the best time to completely piss them off. However, I could not resist writing one of my famous strongly worded emails to his honor’s math teacher who is a constant culprit of over-homeworking.
This particular letter was brought on by a pre-algebra math sheet that nearly brought my husband and I to tears and took about 2 hours to complete, including corrections, causing my son to stay up 15 minutes past his bedtime completing assignments. The result of  the letter  was a very angry teacher who denied that the homework assignments were so time consuming and suggested that my son request to transfer out of honors math, which he does not want to do.
4. I did also write back to the man at the school district to tell him that I did actually consult one of the teachers regarding the homework policy, and that the teachers seem to be underestimating the homework assignments and I asked him how, exactly the current policy was being enforced. This time the man who seemed so open and helpful to my questions and correspondence did not get back to me, so I guess miracles do cease.
As for me, I will continue fighting the good fight and, if anything interesting comes of it, I will let you know. But what I am really dying to know is, why kids do have to rewrite entire text book questions when all that is needed is the answer? Seems excessive to me. That’s one for the social studies/science teacher, when the time is right, unless any of you know… thanks.