Solving An Optimist’s Dilemma

“Marissa B,” she said to me,

“It really is not cool,

How you always see the glass half empty,

When it really is half full.”

Glass to my lips I took some sips,

And drank it altogether,

And putting down the empty glass,

I said, “There, is that better?”


A Message To My Blogging Friends

An introvert lives in her mind,

Making friends harder to find,

And so much easier to take that chance,

With words carefully thought out in advance.

The writing and personality comes through it’s clear it’s

About much more than personal appearance,

So is it sad or a relief

That it’s likely we will never meet.


The Official List of Lists (In Verse)

On the blogosphere I’ve noticed this,
We bloggers sure do like our lists.

Mommy bloggers cross continental,
Listing all things sentimental,
And as for those moms more ironic,
Liken their young ones to midget alcoholics.

Comedic blogs hit a high fever,
Listing things they hate about Justin Beiber.
Or other subjects surely done,
Like Miley Cyrus or the Kardashians.

Dating bloggers in lists often quip,
How to get in or out of a relationship.
I think Paul Simon did it like no other,
In ‘50 Ways To Leave Your Lover’,
(But perhaps modernizing could entail,
‘Send ‘em a text Rex’, or ‘An email Gayle’)

Music bloggers have it easy,
Listing songs and albums hard, fast, or sleezy,
But may I recommend this?
Perhaps you can create a Liszt list.
Although perhaps you’d second guess,
As it’s much funnier only in concept.

But the one I guess most can’t resist,
Is probably The Bucket List,
Though these I never could quite understand
Since I never made it much past ‘ice’ and ‘sand’.




The Life Of A Concert Promoter

A dressing room painted eggshell white,

For if ivory she’ll have a fright,

And all specifications we must meet,

Right down to a new toilet seat.


And I’ve just sent out the concert booker,

To find a very specific type of hooker,

Certain issues of magazine,

Cornstarch for their leather jeans.


A machine gun acquired for these temporary digs.

And a separate room just to keep her wigs.

Accommodations for their furry friends.

And for God’s sake no brown M & Ms!!


I’ve studied the rider’s specific features,

All to appease pop stars and divas,

But I’d just as soon they shut their trap,

And I’m quite relieved to see their back.


A Hypocrite’s Oath

Fixing that table, sewing that sock,
Meeting my old friends for coffee and talk,
Cleaning out the garage, paying that bill,
Things I say I’ll do but never will.

How are you, I’m doing fine,
You’re quite welcome, any time,
Inane expressions I use every day,
Things I never mean but say.

A good, honest person, caring and true,
Someone organized who sees everything through,
All of these I feel I ought,
Tell myself I am, but am not.


Greek Gods: Where Are They Now?

The reign of the Greek Gods has ended,
The Kingdom of Olympus is gone,
But yet the Gods were immortal,
And surely they live on.
So we gathered our forces,
And can show you how,
They live today on this episode,
of ‘Greek Gods Where  Are They Now?’

Hera and Zeus finally got a divorce,
In 1975,
They both are living happily now,
Enjoying the single life.
Zeus relishes his freedom,
Now that they are no longer together,
He camps out in the Playboy mansion,
And goes by the name Hugh Hefner.
Hera’s a public figure,
And allows us all to witness,
Her dramas on the reality show,
Real housewives of Mt. Olympus.

Hades found his lot in life,
Selling up cruise control,
He works as a used car salesman,
A junker in turn for your soul.
Poseidon says he rarely misses,
Ruling the ocean blue,
Now he works at Sea World,
Training the great Shamu.

Hermes was sentenced to prison for life,
But can barely suppress a chortle,
The joke will be on the system,
When they find he is immortal.
Aphrodite is a columnist at Cosmo,
With perhaps a hint of sarcasm,
She tells middle aged ladies,
How to fake an orgasm.

Athena’s a computer consultant,
A profession she proclaims a dream,
While Artemis and Apollo kick ass,
On a WWE wrestling team.
Dionysus’ hard living caught up with him,
Now the town drunk, he learned his lesson,
And often sees Hephaestus on the streets,
Peddling illegal weapons.

Demeter’s still in agriculture,
Among the flora and fauna,
She works hard tending to her crops,
Of skunky marijuana.
Ares now regrets his ways,
And sways most compassionate,
As he runs a class in Cyprus,
Counseling anger management.

The Greek gods served their purpose well,
And heeded to the calling,
And now we can only think with regret,
Of how the mighty have fallen.
For it seems that modern times,
Have put them through the ringer,
Be sure to tune in next week,
When they reunite on Springer.


The Beauty of A Woman

Breasts large or small, all the same,
Yet the delicacy of her frame,
And if her teeth are crooked or nose too long,
With that I see nothing wrong.
Crow’s feet or wrinkles in her skin,
Might make her all the more interesting.
But if in her eyes I can attain,
3 parts wisdom, 1 part pain,
And perhaps a glimmering of light,
A touch of a mischievous sprite,
And a warmth that says she’s true and human,
Here lies the beauty of a woman.


This was originally posted on the almighty Sourcerer blog for Feminist Fridays. My attempts to reblog it were not highly successful so I am now republishing. My apologies to anyone who has already read it.

The Kids Will All Write Submission 2

Well I guess anyone who has not heard about my The Kids Will All Write Challenge by now must be living under a rock. But for you subterranean dwellers, it’s all about encouraging our children’s creativity by publishing their writing, artwork, and even music videos! (which I will then republish)

Blogger Phil Taylor and I have a lot in common. We’re both originally from New York, we’re both unbelievably hilarious, and we both have sons who play music. Here is an awesome mash up by Phil’s son’s band Nothing Personal. Please enjoy!

For more info on Nothing Personal check out Phil’s blog at

P.S. This weekend I posted two reblogs, both of which received a tepid response. This leads me to one of two conclusions:
1. No one reads reblogs
2. No one reads my reblogs
Because of this, all The Kids Will All Write Submissions will be published in their own posts and, I will probably never reblog again.

The Kids Will All Write Challenge Submission

The Kids Will All Write Challenge Submission

Sometimes you have to be brave and put an idea out there and see how it goes. Today, I proposed a challenge called The Kids Will All Write encouraging bloggers to submit writing and artwork created by children.

You probably have not been blogging for long if you have not seen a witty quote left by Little Miss Menopause, who writes a very funny blog over at Once Upon Your Prime…. She has provided me with this first submission, an original creation made by her daughter. I think it rocks!

The Kids Will All Write

Ever since I started blogging I’ve been driving my family crazy. I follow my husband around, iPhone in hand, reading him my poetry from the drafts in my email account. Often times this is when he is trying to get ready for work. Or in the shower. Or on the toilet. For some reason, unfathomable to me, he seems a bit annoyed by this.

My 11 year old son, on the other hand, is a much better sounding board. He listens attentively, and finds my poems just as hilarious as I do. Not only that, but he is genuinely concerned about the response my blogs get. And, if I follow your blog on a regular basis, chances are he’s read one or two of yours as well (age appropriate, of course).

But lest you think my son is some kind of goody two shoes who heads the Dean’s List and runs for school council, he is not. Although my son has above average intelligence, his grades often teeter on the wrong side of a B average, all due to a lack of passion and work ethic.

When I suggested my son do a guest blog for me, I thought it would be met with all the enthusiasm of reading a ‘Fun with Mathematics’ text book over the weekend. But I was wrong. Instead my son bombarded me with questions; what should he write? when should he write it? when would I publish it?

I am not much of one for participating in or suggesting challenges, or that a blog with my meager following will be able to sustain this, but if you have or know a kid who writes, and want to publish it, let me know about it, in comments or a link to any blog, and I will reblog it. Artwork is welcome too. This is about getting our kids writing and welcoming a new generation of bloggers.

I am publishing my sons guest blog, ‘Stupidity Is Infectious’, in conjunction with this one. I ask you all, shamelessly, to please come out and support it. You won’t be disappointed. Thanks.


In the meantime, please enjoy my daughter’s artwork (A.B. age 7)