Stupid Punk Song (CheeseBergens’ Video Release)

 

Hello followers and friends! If you are reading this, you probably already know that I have passed on, which is precisely why I haven’t been around the blogosphere much to read your blogs lately. As I look into this batch of molten chocolate that will seal my fate, I contemplate the meaningless of life and all that comes with it.

This video is one of the few things I will leave behind to mark my legacy. If you like or comment, my soul may become light, giving me one last chance to ascend to heaven. Otherwise I am doomed to rot in hell for all eternity, but who am I to make your feel guilty?

https://www.facebook.com/TheCheesebergens/?ref=bookmarks

New Video “Cool” by The CheeseBergens

Friends! It is a monumental day in CheeseBergens history! Please join us by watching this video premier! Take a moment to indulge in this guilty pleasure and watch myself and my family as we make fools of ourselves! Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you…”Cool”!

 

Mommy And Daddy Worship Satan-Official Music Video

Folks! You’ve read the poem,you’ve seen the band, you’ve heard the music…now here it is, the official music video! (Lyrics below for those who haven’t already read them a thousand times).

I hoped they wouldn’t notice but
My friends suspicion’s roused
They ask me why I never let them
Come play at my house
It looks as if I may have to
Invite them to my home
And pray dad doesn’t greet then when
He’s wearing his black robe

The coast is clear they wonder what
The worry on my face meant
When suddenly a chanting starts
To rise up from the basement
Why can’t I be a normal kid
It’s so much less complex
To say I think it’s just my mom
And father having sex

My mother says “I guess I just
Don’t get your generation”
And that’s what life is like when mom
And daddy worship Satan.

And before I know it they
Are running to explore
And follow the odd noises that
Are coming from the floor
And soon they find my parents
In their favorite recreation
Conjuring up spirits in
An evil incantation

And daddy says “Oh visitors
Well isn’t that just nice?”
I hope he doesn’t think them virgins
To be sacrificed
But mom ignores my gestures and
She sports an evil grin her
Mouth waters as she says “We’re happy
To have you for dinner!”

I fear they will accept her offer
And agree to stay
Do they not know she means to have them
As the main entree?
I’m just about to tell them run
But briefly I think twice
A break from eye of newt and toe
Of frog would sure be nice

My mother says “I guess I just
Don’t get your generation”
And that’s what life is like when mom
And daddy worship Satan.

Brat

So, over the weekend, I heard news that two of my acquaintances started dating. The woman in the relationship has a son from a previous marriage. I wrote this poem in honor of this new relationship, although it is just my cynical view of what might happen.

After writing the poem, it occurred to me that it might do well converted into a song, kind of a Ramones-ish type of thing; so when my family got some studio time, that’s exactly what I decided to do. So without further ado here is:

Anjelica Bergen: drums and backing vocals
Jesse Bergen: lead vocals
Ides Bergen: guitar
Marissa Bergen: bass and backing vocals

We don’t have a name yet but I’m thinking Double Cheese Bergens…or Bacon Double Cheese Bergens….

When I met you I knew you were the one
You were so hot and a lot of fun
‘Til that day when I held you close
You said there’s something that you gotta know
You told me we would never part
But there was someone who shared you heart
Next thing you know I was looking at
Your snot nosed little brat

Chorus:
I love you but your kid is a brat
I love you but your kid is a brat
Don’t know if I can put up with that
That snot nosed little brat

I’m not gonna ask you to choose
But he puts Lego pieces in my shoes
You think he don’t know cause he’s really young
But when you turn ’round he sticks out his tongue
Under my pillow case I found some snot
I’m pretty sure that he threw out my pot
And I wonder if it would be so bad
If he just went to live with his dad

Chorus

Now babe I just want to give you a kiss
He choose that time to throw a fit
All too often but you are convinced
That’s it’s just a big coincidence
You say we should just give it some time
Then everything will work out fine
Cause he just needs to get used to me
But in the meantime my beer tastes like pee.

Chorus

Hell Yeah, That’s Ma’ Boy!

When  producer Robert Sexton asked my son to be in Hell Yeah’s video for their song ‘Hush’, there was only one thing to say…”Hell yeah!!”

“Hell Yeah” singer Chad Gray, has been long outspoken about the subject of domestic abuse, as he was victimized in his youth. In honor of ‘No More Week’, Hell Yeah, released their single, “Hush” on March 13. Now they follow up with this dramatic video featuring none other than my little boy.

In addition to supporting and raising awareness to a worthy cause, I’m also mega proud of my son.

Cheap (Parody of Radiohead’s Creep)

When we were in the restaurant,
Couldn’t look you in the eye,
Did you see those prices?
I wanted to cry,
Can anyone afford this?
That I really doubt,
Think I’ll skip this meal and,
Put a down payment on a house.

Cause I’m too cheap,
For this bistro,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.

I bet they’re small portions,
I bet they’re a gyp,
If I have to pay for this,
I’m not gonna tip.
Did you bring your wallet?
Did you bring some cash?
I think they we might just,
Do a dine and dash.

Cause I’m too cheap,
For this bistro,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.

We’re running out the door,
We’re running, we run, run, run, run,
Run

I can’t believe we did that,
I can’t believe we had the nerve,
They’ll probably post a picture of us,
That says ‘Do Not Serve’.

Cause I’m too cheap,
For this bistro,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.

Thanks so much to my son Jesse for helping me on guitar and vocals and making me sound so much better than I would otherwise. I love you baby!

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_writing_challenge/to-the-tune-of/

The Kids Will All Write Submission 2

Well I guess anyone who has not heard about my The Kids Will All Write Challenge by now must be living under a rock. But for you subterranean dwellers, it’s all about encouraging our children’s creativity by publishing their writing, artwork, and even music videos! (which I will then republish)

Blogger Phil Taylor and I have a lot in common. We’re both originally from New York, we’re both unbelievably hilarious, and we both have sons who play music. Here is an awesome mash up by Phil’s son’s band Nothing Personal. Please enjoy!

For more info on Nothing Personal check out Phil’s blog at http://thephilfactor.com/2014/05/25/the-kids-will-all-write-challenge-my-son-is-living-like-a-rock-star/

P.S. This weekend I posted two reblogs, both of which received a tepid response. This leads me to one of two conclusions:
1. No one reads reblogs
2. No one reads my reblogs
Because of this, all The Kids Will All Write Submissions will be published in their own posts and, I will probably never reblog again.

They’ll Probably Kill Me (A Music Vlog Starring Moi)

A music vlog dedicated to all the women who feel like they have to be everything to everyone.

I ain’t gonna do the laundry so there
My husband will probably kill me
He won’t have no clean underwear
I know he’ll probably kill me

What do I care? Not a lot
I’ll just put on something hot
My husband will probably kill me today

I burnt the dinner again today
My kids will probably kill me
It was frozen pizza anyway
I know they’ll probably kill me

If they’re mad or if they’re hurt
I’ll just give them chocolate cake for dessert
I know they’ll probably kill me today

Wrote something dirty on Facebook today
My mom will probably kill me
I’m a big girl but anyway
I know she’ll probably kill me

I don’t know but I have a hunch
If I try to be nice and take her out to lunch
My mom will probably kill me anyway.