Trampling At The Sampling

I circle like a vulture and
In deepest secrecy
Dare not divulge the nature
Or give out my strategy

And with the stealthiest of stealth
Unrivaled by a cheetah
I look on cups filled with cream puffs
Yogurt, spanakopitas

And with my wig and sunglasses
Practically incognito
No one will guess my gluttony
I wait on the burrito

She says it’d be 10 minutes so
I hover real near by
Studying a box of mac n cheese
I’ve no intent to buy

And soon the microwave bell dings
And surely I got dibs
But tell that to the woman waiting
With her seven kids

Nervously I do surmise
A serving less than ample
Dismayed as the burrito’s cut
To no more than 8 samples

Little fingers greedy clench
And little mouths that dine
Upon food that for all intent
And purpose should be mine

But what is this I come upon
In slow motion unfolds
The hands that eagerly stretch out
Of a poor three year old

Anticipation on her face
So pure and filled with light
All awaiting joyous tastes
Within the tiny bite

But all is fair in love and war
Some day she’ll understand
Just why I had to snatch the sample
From her tiny hands

I’m sure she will forget about it
By end of the day
And prob’ly wouldn’t have really
Enjoyed it anyway

And after that all bets are off
And destiny it calls
Along with soda, ice cream, meats
And two jumbo meatballs

Cheeses, crackers, sausages
Nuggets shaped like stars
As I cut a blind man off
To grab granola bars

Cookies, coffee, gummy bears
All worthy of a try
As well as some strange chewy stuff
I can’t identify

And vegan gluten free wheat cakes
That taste a bit like tin
A candy coated laxative
And children’s vitamins

And with all tables visited
It’s time to head on out
With bile in my stomach and
A bad taste in my mouth

And as I’m headed for the door
A woman there does greet
Me to ask me if I bought something
She would check my receipt

I say to her that I did not
And thank her for her service
But giggle that she’d think I’d
Actually make a purchase.

Inspired by a local story you can read about here, which turns out to be not nearly as funny.

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54 thoughts on “Trampling At The Sampling

  1. Laughs of appreciation from me and my daughter. She’s taking her grade 12 English and learning to write poetry. I thought reading your posting would give her some insight. I could hear her laugh at several spots. Always love your poetic

    • I was wondering who would actually click through. Thanks for taking the time. When I heard the story I thought the premise was kind of funny but after reading it, it just started to sicken me.

      • yes, really! Thanks Kim. Felt kind of bad using it for humorous inspiration but I was laughing when I first heard about the story but then when I read the details I just thought the guy was disgusting.

  2. I am hooting, my oldest saughter lsughed as i read thid aloud to her. 🙂 🙂
    This reminds me of a big grocery store’s sample centers. I love the seafood mixture on toast or pita points, cake, cookies and water chestnuts wrapped in bacon with maple syrup drizzled on them. As a single Mom of 3 we would head out after breakfast to one of such places “eating out for lunch!” The coupons they passed out for some of the samples were too exotic or expensive during this period of my life so I would hand them to an incoming customer!

    • Ha! You probably could have worked there! You have no idea how often I wonder whether some of these families are actually feeding their kids lunch at the samples counter. I’ve never gone so far with mine but I have walked into certain grocery stores if I need to kill time, hoping they will have samples for the kids!!

  3. Not too sure on whether to scold you or applaud you. Snatching food from a 3 year old? Really? Yet overall I did laugh, as I usually do for your talent just far outweighs the fact you are downright rude. Tee hee …. Good one, Marissa. Remind me not to be with you when there are free samples around. LOL ❤

    • Amy, I think you know I was only kidding, right?? These are just projections on some of the things I see when I’m at a Costco and there are samples around. I would never actually steal food from a 3 year old…although I’ve been tempted….especially when it’s chocolate. Ha, ha! Hey, if you really want to know how disgusting people can be, you should read the article I linked to in here. I know I made light of this situation and I did laugh at first, but after reading the article, it just sickened me. BTW, no pressure, only if you have a bit of time.

  4. Funny!
    And people really go to have a meal on those free sample days (at least where I used to live. I remember going there to watch the people go back and pick again and again. I always hope one day the put all the recordings of the surveillance cameras for everyone to see 🙂 )

  5. Pingback: Grammatically Yours: A Guest Post by Marissa Bergen | Lipstick and Laundry

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