Do It With Cheese

There really ain’t no other way I like to grill it
When I get some frozen patties in my skillet
I’m down to eat a salad or scarf up grease
But there’s just one way to serve it that’s gonna please
I don’t care if it’s in slices or an easy squeeze

Just do it- but do it with cheese!

Now you might say your lactose intolerant
But I say just suck it up or you can go get bent
Cause if your tummy hurts then I say “oh please!”
Go wash it down with Tums or some anti freeze
Theres just one way to serve it that’s gonna please

Just do it – but do it with cheese!

When they see me comin’ they don’t need to guess
If I want some cheese with that cause the answer is yes
I need the gooey stuff and that’s for sure
And I don’t care if it’s costing me 50 cents more

Cheese is the stuff of life and you can’t refute
If you think you’re gaining weight then stop eating fruit
Cause life is too short to sweat the calories
So you best start clogging up all those arteries
Live fast and die of cardiovascular disease

Just do it – but do it with cheese!

Hello friends! I’m sure you were all waiting with bated breath for this last installment of our Three Songs In Three Days Campaign. Fun factoid!! Due to some technical issues this song almost was not released today!!! Lucky for you, we had a last minute edit that saved the day. I know, imagine you, all bummed out for the weekend because you were waiting for this song and couldn’t be sure if you would ever hear it!!

Well, here it is. This one was published before as a poem but now has music added, so PLEASE LISTEN!! Come on people, I can tell how many of you are listening and it’s a lot more than those who are stopping by to like or comment…although the fact that you are enjoying the lyrics is appreciated as well….but we work hard on this stuff!! This is another track with my daughter on vocals and you know she’s a newbie at this so all feedback is appreciated, especially the good kind!! Okay, without further ado, The CheeseBergens’ lifelong motto…Do It With Cheese!

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The Hipsters Downstairs

Some dudes moved in to our neighborhood
Wearing trucker hats that read ‘Hollywood’
There’s Mr. Park My Prius Just As Bad As I Can
Paul Giamatti and Social Cause Stan
Prius talking ’bout Alaska, how he volunteered
While he’s cooking tofu or something weird
Paul is so loud even Steve Jobs can hear
And we can’t decide if causes is Clark Kent or just queer

… Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

The hipsters downstairs
The hipsters downstairs
Nobody cares about
The hipsters downstairs
The hipsters downstairs
The hipsters downstairs
With their stupid facial hair
The hipsters downstairs

They rise at sunset say up all night
They just might be hipster vampires
Or more likely a werewolf for Paul with that beard
Nervous Nod causes could be Frankenweird
Apparently guitar is now the thing
They murder it all night, let’s hope that they don’t sing
And if I hear ‘In Alaska’ one more time
I’m gonna stick that guitar where the sun don’t shine

Chorus

They threw a party last weekend
They camped out in the yard
It wasn’t them throwing bottles I feared
But bustin’ out with Kubaya

Some dudes moved in to our neighborhood
Wearing trucker heads that read ‘Hollywood’
There’s Mr. Park My Prius just as bad as I can
Paul Giamatti and Social Cause Stan
And if I hear ‘In Alaska’ one more time
I’m gonna stick that guitar where the sun don’t shine
Or maybe call an Uber and tell the man
“Take ’em back to Alaska or Douchebagistan”

As promised, here is song number 2 of our Three Songs In Three Days Campaign. I don’t believe I’ve ever shared the lyrics to this one before either and that is probably due to the fact that it was mostly written by my husband. I just tweaked a couple of things and added the bridge.

This is the true (if slightly exaggerated) story of the neighbors who live below us. Fun fact! We actually practice in our apartment, right above their heads. We often wonder if this song goes through their minds and, if so, whether they realize it’s about them!

Theme From The CheeseBergens

It started when my mom had a middle aged crisis
Should have seen a shrink, left to her own devices
She was gonna rock n’ roll just like me
Now she’s embarrassing herself for all to see

Chorus:
We’re the
CheeseBergens coming to your town
In a broken down school bus
CheeseBergens coming to your town
And the Partridge family has nothing on us

I know you think my sister’s cute but oh guess what
Take my word for it, she’s a freakin’ nut
My dad is kind of cool but sometimes he’s a bummer
I guess that’s okay because he’s just the drummer

Chorus

And me, I guess it’s kind of cool to play some music
Though it’s kind of a drag with the parental units
Still I’m gettin’ out and gettin’ all my kicks
Though it’s kind of impossible to pick up chicks

Hello and Happy New Year to you all! As a way to kick off the new year, our family band is launching a Three Songs In Three Days Campaign so prepare to be bombarded. Here is the first of three, and I believe I have not yet shared these lyrics with you so…added bonus! The song tells the story of how the wackiness all started…well, more or less…

I Wore Red To Target

I wore red to Target
Not the best idea
I wore red to Target
And everybody near
Asked me “do you work here?”
Said “can you help me miss?”
Come on don’t you know
I can’t take much more of this

Guess I was asking for it
Cause look what I started
Had it coming to me when
I wore red to Target

Tried hiding in the bathroom
I thought that would be safer
‘Til someone said “hey miss
We’re out of toilet paper!”
If one more person bugs me
I swear I’ll flip my lid
This woman came up to me
And that’s just what she did

Guess I was asking for it
Cause look what I started
Had it coming to me when
I wore red to Target

I could have gone to another market
I could have worn blue or green
But I had to go to Target tell me what did it mean
Did it mean did it mean
Did it mean did it mean

I made up some fake discounts
I gave her wrong directions
I told her there were frying pans
In the electronics section
Then I felt so much better
And everything was fine
Until when I discovered
I was in back of her on line

Guess I was asking for it
Cause look what I started
Had it coming to me when
I wore red to Target

This is another poem that I published many moons ago but added some lyrics to make it in to a song. It also happens to be the first recorded CheeseBergens song that my 9 year old daughter sings. Let me know what you think.

Also, the music is free to listen to, but if anyone is so inclined to make a donation, all funds will be given to the Ovation Music Fund, a nonprofit dedicated to helping underserved kids pay for music school tuitions.

http://ovationmusicfund.org/

Driving With My Blinker On Again

Driving in my car in the middle of the day
Hoping that I’m able to remember my way
I start and stop can’t recall is it left or right
So I pull the switch and there goes on my signal light

Chorus:

I’m driving with my blinker on again
You never know how this will end
Will I make a right or left or even turn you’ll never guess
I’m driving with my blinker on again

Well at one point I’m sure I did intend to turn
Now you’re asking me where my driving I did learn
Well I’m pretty sure it was the school for the crazy
Directionally challenged and curmudgeonly old ladies

Chorus

Bridge:

You were getting pretty hopeful down on Ave B
But now that we’re on M you’ve nearly given up on me
That light is winking at you and it’s driving you insane
You’d try to get around me too bad it’s a single lane

Well it’s finally time to lose me at any cost
Might go mile out or you could end up getting lost
Try to turn right but suddenly out of the blue
I decide to make that right, right in front of you

Chorus

Not as rock themed…but possibly another for the AOL!

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Wake Me When The Show Is Over

I used to wait til midnight then it was time to rock
Now I’m frightened if a band goes on past 10 o clock

Pre Chorus:
So find me a nice corner
Safe from the mosh pit
Throw an MC over me
Whatever you see fit
And you can call me old
And you can go ahead and mock
Just tell everybody else
How hard I friggin rocked

Chorus:
Cause it’s hard to get your kicks
When you’re waking up at six
Call me old, call me a poseur
But just wake, oh wake me, wake me, when the show is over

Well I have seen Black Sabbath, The Rolling Stones and more
But every time I just end up passed up on the floor

Pre Chorus
So put my somewhere safe
A little out of touch
If they ask just tell them
That I drank too much
Fill me in on details
So I can give my take
Of how it would have been if I
Were actually awake

Chorus
Cause it’s hard to get your kicks
When you’re waking up at six
Call me old, call me a poseur
But just wake, oh wake me, wake me when the show is over

Bridge:
Well it used to be I didn’t even wake up until noon
And I didn’t leave my house until the rising of the moon
But now that kind of living well it’s showing me no mercy
Especially when I am having dinner at 4:30.

Another, and quite possibly the last for a while…for The Angsty Old Ladies!

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Squeezin’ Into Spandex Again

The chain mail bra the leather skirt
I tug and pull and kvetch
And after all the time gone by
I’m lucky these things stretch
Cause I will not reveal my weight
And I won’t tell my size
But I’m trading in my mom jeans for
Some skinny fit low rise

Chorus:

I’m squeezing into spandex again
I’m having a night out with my friends
I’m thinking that I’m cool but maybe no one’s fooled
I’m squeezing into spandex again

Lie on the bed and summon family
Tightening my grip
And tell them all come on and help me
Getting these things zipped
Then stuff my legs in platform boots
And help me get upright
I’ll hobble round and not sit down
For the rest of the night

Chorus

Bridge:

I’m an aging metal momma
Lookin for a some brand new tricks
And I’m getting down in leather
Right until the lining rips
Gotta anaconda smile
And it’s all around the town
And I’m a hottie with a body
Least until I turn around
I’m a leather and lace lovely
I’m hood top dancing baby
Til the fuzz will lock me up because
They’re thinking that I’m crazy
All you young ones step aside
Because I’m joining in the ranks
And I hold it all together with
A badass pair of Spanx

Rockin’ out for the Angsty Old Ladies!

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