Botched Botox Blues

I thought that I was getting an
Injection near my mouth
I never did expect it when
It all just traveled south
And though my lips don’t pucker so
Who’s really gonna snicker
Because although my mouth may sag
My boobs are looking bigger


They say it ain’t malpractice
So I can’t really sue
Guess that I’ll just settle
For those botched botox blues

So next they told me that I’d need
Some filler near my eyes
I wear now an expression that’s
Of permanent surprise
My eyebrows look a bit like Spock
My smiles a bit spastic
But I guess that’s the price you pay
When your completely plastic



Hoping someone thought my son
Would look more like my brother
Instead it turns out that I look
More like Joan River’s mother

I’m shocked that they don’t cut me off
Cause it should be illegal
I’m sucked and plucked and overtucked
Can’t even feel the needle
I’ve bumps and lumps and red spots and
My wallets getting thin
And once it heals I have to do it
All over again


Thank you all for reading my articles but I think maybe some of you may be missing my poetry. I really haven’t been writing poems much but I have some song lyrics I’ll be publishing over the next few days. I’m thinking of starting a band with female musicians of a certain age called The Angsty Old Ladies. These are the lyrics to one of the songs. I’m actually not sure I’ll be able to get the band off the ground due to certain logistics problems, but it will sure be fun writing the lyrics.


The Godmother of The Lower East Side

No, It’s not me…ha, ha! I would have loved that status but missed my chance when I moved to L.A. ….not that anyone would have been likely to induct me anyway. Well, here is my actual interview for the week about a really amazing woman who supports the arts and tries to keep the NY scene alive. You can read it here.


Locked And Loaded

Don’t ask me why I titled this blog Locked and Loaded…other than that the guy I was writing about has the last name Gunn. That was actually my original title for the article but thankfully, the editor decided to change it at the last minute, sparing me some embarrassment, yet, here I am embarrassing myself just the same. Anyway, some of you may be interested in this one as this guy not only managed to end up playing with his idol, Marky Ramone of The Ramones, but also ended up publishing a book without even trying. Some people, am I right? Well here is the link.

Also, fun though this column may be, I am running low on people who have an interesting story and are willing to be candid with me, from the hard rock, punk or metal communities. Go figure, right? Anyway, in the unlikely event that you know anyone who fits this bill, send them my way, thanks!