You Think You Want To Be A Witch

I see the disappointed faces
As they stare at me
And hear insulting comments from
The mean panel of three

Sharon Osbourne, Madonna and
On the right Taylor Swift
The judging panel of You Think
You Want to Be A Witch?

So I stand there with Stevie Nicks
Our diaphanous host
Sharon starts with comments that
For sure hurt me the most

“I thought your brew was rather thin
It lacked the bitter roots
And I think that you forgot
To add in eye of newt

It made your victim’s skin scaly but
That is all that you managed
And your broom flying is at best
Directionally challenged

You spent your time watching You tube
In your crystal ball
I’m afraid this witch crafting
Just isn’t you at all.”

Stevie reminds my fans to vote
If they find that untrue
And then turns to Madonna and
Says, “Madge let’s hear from you.”

“At first glance I thought you were
Some great enchanted mystic
But now I think it’s just cause you
Were wearing that black lipstick

My mind is changed I think you prob’ly
Should just stick to pink
And your dance of conjuring
Is really out of sync

I sure don’t think your cackling
Did even cause a scare
I’m afraid that as a witch
You haven’t, like, a prayer.”

And so with that said, things are turned
Back to our rockin’ host
Who reminds the viewers just
How much I need their votes

Which somehow fails to make my spirits
Even start to lift
As Stevie says “Now it’s your turn
What do you think Ms. Swift?”

But Taylor looks up with smile
Plastered on her face
Her eyes somehow expressionless
She says “I think it’s great!”

So Stevie says “Marissa it’s sure
Looking pretty bleak
What do you have to say to this?
It’s your turn now to speak.”

I say “Thanks for your criticisms
Plainly I can see
That perhaps the witchy life
Just isn’t quite for me

My potions didn’t do the trick
My broom and hat askew
But despite my deficiencies
There’s one thing I can do.”

And then a lightening burst came through
And then the clearing fog
Where once the panel of three sat
Now there were just three frogs.

With endless thanks to Annabelle Troy at Jane Eyre Gets Real for the inspiration.

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68 thoughts on “You Think You Want To Be A Witch

  1. Hehehehehehe You are at it again! And it aint even Halloween yet! Really good, Marissa. They deserved to be turned into frogs. LOVED this … you really made me laugh! Thank you! Love, Amy ❤

    • I was thinking of posting closer to Halloween, but I thought it was so fun…I just couldn’t wait. Oh well, if the 99 cent store can pull out it’s decorations the day after Labor Day, then I guess I can publish this!!

  2. Brilliant. I don’t know the programme and I have no idea who the Swift woman is but I do remember Fleetwood Mac. Sounds like a fun talent contest. Wizard in fact. Or do I mean it is a load of old warlocks?

  3. You certainly “showed” them! Marissa, since we have had Survivor out on an island and the Big Brother show in a condo living situation we could have a really old “haunted house” setting.
    You know who I was wishing you had as a guest host who would certainly deserve to be turned into a toad? (Hint: “You’re fired!”)

  4. Sharon Osborne, Madonna, Taylor Swift and Madonna on one stage. Now that would be something. My only concern would be. How are you going to keep Sharon Osborne from eating Taylor Swift alive?

  5. Oh yes, THIS! Spectacular as always.
    This is definitely my favorite, though. I know nothing of witchy ways, but if I did – it’d be you I’d pick from the judge’s perch. Dark hair and bewitching eyes matched with your wicked word spells – I’ll pick you every time. This poem is getting printed and pinned to my bulletin board.

  6. I think witches are born witches!! 🙂
    (But anyway, I’ll try to find the picture that you posted because I couldn’t zoom in… And sometimes I think having that knowledge is very important 😀 )

  7. Pingback: Grammatically Yours: A Guest Post by Marissa Bergen | Lipstick and Laundry

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