Underachiever Seeks Employment

Every day I go to work and do just what I’m told,
But the challenges that await me I feel are getting old.
There’s nothing innovative that might engage my noggin,
So I spend a good part of my day on the computer blogging.

But today something happened, something awfully strange,
But what’s that in the air? I think I smell a change.
The boss says I’m doing great, with that much I am pleased,
But he says he knows of a way our income will be increased!

He talks of making more money so all our wallets will be fatter,
And perhaps he is expecting me to climb the corporate ladder.
Putting me in charge of people and if what he says is true,
We’ll all be livin’ large due to increased revenue.

A better life for all of us with income that is steady,
But for me to live the corporate life I don’t think I am ready.
If these changes come into play, think of all the stress,
So instead I will seek a job doing what I do best.

So please let me know if you hear of any openings for a job,
Where an underachiever like me can sit on my ass and blog.

 

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Napowrimo Entry #7

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Cover Letter of A Dropout Musician Mom

Dear Mr. Big Fat Shithead,

My name is Marissa Bergen and I am very interested in the open position your company has available.

I see you are looking for someone with a college education. You will be pleased to know that I attended college for quite some time before I realized that it was a huge, boring waste of my time. After that I furthered my education by teaching myself to play the guitar, writing songs, and reading books because I actually wanted to read them, not because they were assigned to me.

I developed marketing and people skills by booking and promoting my own rock band. I also proved myself to be a self starter and entrepreneur when I opened my own candy store and coat check business inside a rock n’ roll night club where I made more money selling Blow Pops to stoners than I will ever make at your stinkin’ job.

Now I am a mother of 2 children. Every day I get them to school on time, make sure they are dressed, clean, fed, and that their homework is completed. So sorry if I am a bit insulted when you question my abilities to be hard working, prompt, reliable, organized and detail oriented.

Please see attached for my resume. Fuck you very much for your time and consideration.

-Marissa Bergen
323-555-1885

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