The Man Crush

What’s up with the man crush? First of all, let me say I am the least homophobic person on the planet, and indeed, I think the more liberal America has become, the more okay they are with the man crush. However, I am not okay with the man crush!!

When men crush, they crush hard. They wrestle each other, they exchange adorable witticisms, and to be sure, they act, well not really adorable at all.

Maybe I am just bitter and jealous of my husband’s current man crush. The two exchange witty banter on Facebook ad nauseam, and I am really tempted to add my comment, “Why don’t you guys just get a room already?”

When my son did his latest School of Rock performance, Man Crush came. He did not sit at our table but hovered by the bar sending drinks over to my husband. I guess he did not want our ‘fierce competitiveness’ to get in the way of his good time.

Of course my husband spent a good portion of the afternoon at the bar entertaining Man Crush. My daughter kept asking me, “Where’s daddy?’ to which I answered, ” At the bar making out with Brian.”

Today is Valentine’s Day. My husband posted a very nice comment to me on Facebook along with a YouTube link to a Paul Westerberg song. I thought this was all very nice and sweet, and commented in that vain, ┬ábut I did wonder, why Paul Westerberg? I don’t really like Paul Westerberg. Within minutes I say that Guy Crush commented on the post as well. ‘Paul Westerberg, awesome,’ he said. Ah, it is all becoming clear to me now!


Valentine’s Day Blows: Death to Cupid

Valentine’s Day sucks. At best it’s a holiday manufactured for the sole purpose of a couple meant to conspicuously exhibit their sickening, undying love for each other in such a way that deepens the pockets of jewelry stores and chocolatiers everywhere. At worst, you’re single.

There’s really no way around Valentine’s Day for one who is single. I mean, you could call your best FWB, but that might make him think that you’re actually into him, and one would not want that to happen. You could go to a club and try and pick up a random stranger. But again, the significance of the date will always somehow put weight on the hook up. Or you could go to one of those single’s mixers. But that just reeks of desperation.

Trust me, I know. Even though I have been married for quite some time, I have spent more than 50% of my Valentine’s Days as a single girl, and it is not pretty. That is why, to this day, I try to see Valentine’s Day for the miserable facade it is, rather than trying to be all googly eyed and mushy with my husband. (Although a great big box of chocolates it always completely acceptable, thank you).

Here is a poem I wrote for my husband last Valentine’s Day. Keep in mind that he is a huge death/black metal fan and this is meant to be a spoof on such. In fact, on the card it says, “to be sung to the tune of your favorite death metal song”.

Black angel soaring swooping low
Carrying his evil bow
Blackened wings, piercing dark
Training arrows at my heart
Demon creature taking aim
“Cupid,” speak thine enemy’s name
You will not threaten me tonight
Grab my weapon, I take flight
With my shield his darts deflect
Then I wring the cherub’s neck
And wrestle to Hell’s fiery floor
St. Valentine shall rise no more.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all you single people and just so you know, if I wasn’t married, I would definitely sleep with you on Valentine’s Day!