I am writing this blog on the tail end of a particularly unpleasant encounter I had with a female acquaintance on Saturday afternoon. When I consider the relationship I have had with this woman, I think frenemies would be too nice of a word to describe it.
Just to preface this a bit, this woman seems to have volatile relationships with everyone, but has always been especially mean to me. Now, I understand that people like this may have deep seated mental problems, which may evoke sympathy from a bigger person than I. However, unless she is locked up in a mental ward, wearing a strait jacket, I see that as no excuse for the way she has treated me. There are psychiatrists for this sort of thing, after all.
Immediately upon returning home on Saturday afternoon, I did what every other person in the world does when they wish to take passive aggressive action in a situation such as this one. I deleted her from my Facebook.
After waiting a few hours, and not receiving a sorrowful letter from her demanding to know why she had been deleted, and, in fact, not even knowing whether she noticed that her friend counter dropped from 375 to 374, I decided it simply wasn’t enough.
I tried to turn my negative energy in to creative energy by blogging about the incident, but nothing worthwhile was forthcoming. I even had a heart to heart with my mother. But when I woke up on Sunday morning, I was still feeling kind of sore about the whole thing.
That’s when it hit me. There was only one thing left to do. Oh yes, a Strongly Worded Email was in order! Now, of course, I know all about being the bigger person and turning the other cheek and all that. Yet I thought it might just be therapeutic to get the whole thing out of my system. I mean I didn’t have to send the thing, did I?
But oh readers, thanks to my caustic wit, my deep sense of sarcasm, and my carefully honed writing skills, what ended up on my computer was a masterpiece, so subtly scathing, so subliminally insulting, there was just nothing else for it. I had to hit send.
And then readers, I felt so much better.
Until I realized that I had just sent a not very pleasant email to a certifiable mad woman who is probably, as we speak, writing nasty letters to my employer, defaming my character all over the internet, and quite possibly putting a hit out on my life.
Readers, if you do not hear from me for a couple of days, please call the proper authorities and present them with this blog post haste. I have already taken the liberty of marking it as Exhibit A for your convenience. In the meantime, if a crazy woman shows up at your door inquiring to my whereabouts, you don’t know me, you’ve never seen me, I have fled the country.