In 168 BC,
Things looked badly for the Jews,
It seemed the Greek emperor,
Wanted them to worship Zeus.
The Jews they didn’t like this,
And the Jews said, “Oy yoy yoy,
Who is this meshuggeneh?
I think that he’s a goy!”
And so the Jews did dissent,
To the mountains they did flee,
And this brave group of rebels,
Were known as the Maccabees.
(And to avoid confusion,
And set you straight on your facts,
This wasn’t the group of hippies,
Who followed Fleetwood Mac.)
And so a war did ensue,
And it was quite a ruckus,
The Jews said “We worship freely,
Or we’re gonna kick your tokhes!”
I don’t know how they did it,
But the Jews thwarted the Greeks,
Cause I’ve read Greek mythology,
Have you seen those physiques?
They got back to their temple,
Old hang of the Greek army,
Though they did not win the war,
They sure knew how to party!
The place smelled to high heaven,
With a very potent odor,
And so the Jews said “Oy vey!
This probably’s not kosher!”
And so then they decided,
To make holiness return,
They would light a menorah,
With the oil there to burn.
But when they saw their supplies,
All the women did kvetch,
“Hey, I told you to buy more!
Now there’s barely any left!”
So the men said,”Just relax,
We’ll get more and come back.”
“But it will take you 8 days,
To get to Avi’s Glatt!”
So the women worried,
And they put up a tsimes,
But God said “Relax ladies,
Yo bubalas, I got this.”
With God as their copilot,
There was no time to toil,
They said “Let’s blow this matzah stand,
And go get us some oil!”
They returned to the menorah lit,
And nothing could be greater,
They made a righteous party,
Fit to outdo the seder.
And to give thanks to their God,
For doing the people good,
Jews spend 8 days and nights each year,
Eating fried, oil based food.
In January when they’re done,
Giving their thanks to him,
They search for the best Groupons,
So that they can join the gym.
So much epic-ness going on with this. Your mind must be awfully exciting.
Oh, if only my life was nearly as exciting…
lovely words
Thanks Bernie!
I like how you interweaved the Yiddish in there with it.. although, what is a tsimes?
Thanks. It’s a fuss.
Gotcha.
Loved it. 🙂
Thanks Don!
Haha! This is funny! I love it! I know some Jewish people who could relate to this. Gosh, you really are doing the christmas/holiday challenge! Bravo!!!!
Thanks. Yeah, I have a couple more to go.
I believe in you. You can do it. More inspiration waves to you!
Reblogged your post!
Thank you so much!!
Lol….nice!
Thank you!
Aside from being educational and splendidly composed you really must try to keep focused young Marissa for I spotted that bit about ‘physiques’ and Greeks. So very, very wrong for a gal to get carried away on such ideas.
Yes, well, you know me just wave some studly maleness in my face and all sense and sensibilities go out the window. Something shiny will also serve the same purpose!
A polished Greek! Pinch yourself and count to ten.
Reblogged this on Traversing Lines and commented:
From a fellow blogger of mine who is so talented! She is amazing, Marissa Bergen!
amazing as per usual!
Thank you Madison!
Hilarious and awesome! Maybe your best ever!
Thanks Phil!
Seriously, this is so good it should be published somewhere bigger than blogville.
Well, I did put it on my FB page so…
Thanks for reblogging, Phil. This was great. I loved “yo, bubalahs, I got this!”
Marissa is very funny and I thought this was one of her best ever.
Very cleverly done. 😀 Kudos!
Thanks Kev!
Very funny Marissa! 🙂
Thanks!
Love this! Though I’m afraid my Jewish MIL would probably have the vapors! Nah, not really. 😉
Well if not your Jewish MIL, then I’m sure some Jewish mother in law would!!
Most certainly!
Love it! Made me laugh 🙂 I think you should make this one into a children’s book!
Right, just as long as the children weren’t quizzed afterwards on the ‘true story of Hanukkah.!
Well now I think I get it…..I’m pretty sure.
Oh, for sure. You know this account is absolutely accurate so if anyone asks, you should try as much as possible to quote this verbatim. Feel free to study up!
Okay, well, I’ll take it to work, I’m sure I could print it up small enough for a cheat sheet. I can pronounce “goy” and “meshuggeneh” but how do you pronounce “tokhes”? I mean, I don’t want to sound like an ass when I reference this.
🙂
You are too funny. It’s took-us.
Got it! 🙂
Me … clapping …. well done!
They search for the best Groupons,
So that they can join the gym.
…brilliant 🙂
Inspired by an episode of Will and Grace when Megan Mullalley’s character told ‘Grace’ that her Jewish honeymoon would consist of them ‘trying to find the sunblock with the highest SPF at the lowest price.” Thanks Joan!
How in the world do you do this so consistently and on so many subjects and perspectives? Amazing as always.
Thanks! Well, I just have way too much time on my hands really!
Hah! Brings me back to the days on LawnGuyland eating the knishes but avoiding the kfelte fish with my buds studying for their bar mitzah while I was trying to avoid catechism classes, Melissa. Somebody somewhere is spinning the dreidl in glee!
I certainly hope so. I was more picturing an entire synagogue coming after me with burning torches (although I certainly hope that is not the case).
Too much humor in it for the burning torches of the entire synagogue, Marissa. Maybe only the left side, leaving the flames out of the chase. 🙂
Bwaahaahaa! Oy, vey, you made me laugh, my friend! Besides being historically accurate, you provided quite an entertaining history lesson. 🙂
I do my best! Glad you enjoyed!!
I’ve learned so much!!!
Thanks! Glad to have provided an educational experience!
Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
PRAISE GOD FOR “DUMMIES” AND THOSE WHO ARE WILLING TO HUMBLY TEACH US. 🙂
Oyvay:) Good stuff. I bet my kids would have preferred to have had you as their Hebrew School and Sunday School teacher:)
I knew I had a higher calling in life…
Hehehe;)
Thank for your like on mum c blog. From what I see, I’ll be back if you like
Oh yes, always open to supporting other bloggers. Thanks for your like and follow. I look forward to reading your blogs.
A bunch of hippies that follow Fleetwood Mac, now that a good one young lady, a rhyme like that needs recognition.Great work
Thanks Sheldon!
This someone who I follow he’s good you should check him out
Sorry Sheldon, was there supposed to be a link included. Or a reference to Fleetwood Mac….? Or maybe Moses…? (ha, ha)
West coast meets east coast, just seem like a fit, maybe a slight tight around the waist but never the less a fit
Sure why not?
Reblogged this on The Phil Factor and commented:
A brilliantly hilarious and educational poem by my friend Marissa of Glorious Results of a Misspent Youth.
Thank you, Marissa, my formerly somewhat foggy understanding of Hanukkah is now crystal clear!
You’re quite welcome! Just doing a small service to mankind with this very accurate retelling!
What great fun, Marissa! We should get together after the New Year for another session at the coffee shop or? Happy Holidays.
Yes, Patricia, that would be very nice! We can discuss via email. I’m glad you liked the poem.
Enjoyed that bit of brilliance gal, I fank you.
Thanks Inchy! You dug this one up for sure!
You’s welcome Marissa, this one should be in print world wide! X