The Great Christmas Light Plight

For Every Christmas season,
Our dear neighbor Larry’d race,
To make a Christmas nightmare,
One could see from outer space.

Every year we hoped he’s stop,
But there he’d be with vigor,
With lights and decorations,
The excrescence got bigger.

And so me and my husband,
Tried to settle for the night,
When the sound of jingle bells,
And blinding rays of light,

Would come in through our windows,
From all sides front and back,
We knew not was it Christmas,
Or a terrorist attack.

We tried to confront Larry,
But we just became fearful,
We would ruin the poor guy’s life,
He was just so cheerful.

He told a story of how,
His mom loved to decorate,
And how this festive showing,
To her he would dedicate.

A mother’s love at Christmas,
There could be no replacement,
(But Larry was 45,
And living in her basement.)

And so every coming year,
Found us waiting in dread,
To see what new monstrosity,
Larry pulled from his shed.

An inflatable Santa,
Reindeers wearing people clothes,
A cheap version of Rudolf,
That no longer had a nose.

Mrs. Clause in a bikini,
And before you can say cheesy,
Little garden elves that were,
Suspiciously creepy!

So we had to deal with Larry’s,
Enthusiastic ways,
When it seems we didn’t see him,
For a couple of days.

At first we thought he might have,
Gotten lost by the tree light,
Made a left at Santa’s workshop,
When he should have made a right.

But days passed by and poor Larry,
Still was a no show,
So into the wilderness,
Of the Christmas lights we’d go.

It seemed some tangled wires,
Had spelled imminent danger,
And twisted ’round Larry’s neck,
He swung above the manger.

And now for the holidays,
Our town has no Christmas cheer,
And missing our poor neighbor,
It inspired an idea.

No Santa did we erect,
To recreate Larry’s site,
But just the dear guy’s likeness,
Surrounded by Christmas lights.

That goes up in November,
And comes down on New Years Day,
And somehow we know Larry,
Would have wanted it this way.

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53 thoughts on “The Great Christmas Light Plight

  1. Splendidly dark with a happy (ish) ending! I must say there was one verse I’m glad I didn’t have to write as I feel it would have brought out the Londoner in me and would have ended in very poor taste indeed – I shan’t say which as I am aware you are as pure as the driven snow!

  2. How very timely since last night we watch ‘The Tacky Light Tour’ on TV about people who go over the top in their Christmas light display. As usual, you weave a great story with rhyme!! It always makes me smile πŸ™‚

  3. There’s always a Larry in the neighborhood! Every New Year’s Day when we were growing up, that Larry was my Dad! Fortunately, he’s still alive. Thanks to my mom’s constant reminders to be careful with fireworks.

  4. Why does this bring Tim Burton and Johnny Depp to mind? Well done, as always, Marissa. You’ve managed to combine Halloween and Christmas into one little tale!

  5. Bwaahaahaaa! That’s hilarious, especially the end! Now one a serious note, I think Larry lives next door to me! ACK! These people even have some of that blow-up crap that plays music! The light from those things shines in my windows all night, and the sound drowns out my TV! They’s added to their collection this year, and now I feel like such a Grinch, because all I want is for them to move! If I had hedge clippers (or a hedge), I’d clip their cord! πŸ™‚

  6. Ready for my back cover blurb, Marissa? Here you go …

    “A suspenseful pentameter of ‘Bright Lights Big City’ meets ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’ that’ll keep you pulling on your Bloody Mary until the last flip of the circuit breaker.”

    You have some mind there, Marissa! And neighborhood, evidently. πŸ™‚

  7. Larry could have been much worse. He could have decorated his front yard with a giant Easter Bunny, a yard full of giant eggs, and eggs splattered all over his house with candied eggs for lights. Here comes Peter Cottontail blasting from loud speakers. Wouldn’t that be fun.

  8. Poor Larry. Reading comments above, I’m glad to see you don’t actually live next to him and his light zoo. For the first time this year I put up some white christmas lights around our front window. I like them thought I feel a tinge of jewish guilt. But we still celebrate christmas since my husband and half my family isn’t jewish, so it’s all okay, right?

    • That is so funny! I’m in the same situation (Catholic husband) and every year my family begs me for a tree. I think it’s too much bother, not to mention the whole Jewish thing, but this year my husband went out and bought Christmas lights and hung them around. The whole day I went around saying “That’s it! I’m a Catholic now!!” (Joking of course.)

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