The Retirement Of Maybelline May

It was Mabelline May’s retirement day
It came on the first of September
And may or may not go down in history
As a day to vaguely remember

Some photos were posted on Facebook
The crew sitting round looking dumb
Centered round congealing Entenmann’s cake
And slightly obscured by a thumb

Would show them all awkwardly gathered
Their postures were stiffened with fear
To crouch clumsily to be caught in the shot
But hopefully not get too near

Conversations attempt reminiscing
Around a pathetic potluck
The best they could do was come up with
The time that the stapler was stuck

And everyone said they were hoping
She’d stop by once a here and now
But everyone knew that she wouldn’t
Or wanted her to anyhow

And so the clock ticked well past noontime
She stared at a gluey croissant
And thought of strained hugs, sticky kisses
She hoped not to offer nor want

Anxiety crept in her chest then
Until the point of downright scary
She scurried to the nearest restroom
Neath the sign that said See Ya Mary

Resolved she rushed right past the stalls and
Past mirrors and sinks she’d continue
And without a pause she proceeded
To crawl right out the bathroom window

And once her feet met with the pavement
Without a turn back she moved on
Cheap champagne flowed in the office
They never realized she had gone

This blog is dedicated to Bitter Ben, even though he’s not retiring, just flying the coop. Nevertheless, I imagine his goodbye party to be something like this.