Friday, Bloody Friday

My alarm rings at dawn,
I’m already awake,
Turkey grease and bread crumbs,
The remnants on my plate.

Carefully protected,
As I am getting dressed,
A helmet and knee pads,
And a bullet proof vest.

I peer from the corner,
Carefully taking stock,
Of the shoppers lining up,
Stretching around the block.

Doors ready to open,
I lunge about to barge,
Into the shop I’m ready,
To pummel, rape and charge.

And before you know it,
I’m ahead of the pack,
Winter coats hang off my arms,
A TV on my back.

Tiny kids jump from my path,
Little old ladies fly,
I seize modern devices,
I can’t identify.

A kitchen set on my head,
Shoes tied around my waist,
Bloody shoppers grab my legs,
As I get ready to pay.

I reach into my wallet,
Extract my credit card,
When appears before me,
A large security guard.

I didn’t get my TV,
Or that fancy brassiere,
The lawyer says I’m lucky,
If I get seven years.

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65 thoughts on “Friday, Bloody Friday

  1. Again, I laugh, yet there is some truth in this. People are just so crazy to even be out today shopping. And the way they act, well, Marissa, you more or less portrayed it. Great write! Love, Amy

  2. It seems we Brits have now adopted this awful Black Friday phrase to combine with cheap prices this day – riots have ensued of course. Why did you have to send this curse over here – it’s all your fault young Marissa! Rather liked your verse though just the knee caps confused me.

    • I yes, I try and stay away from those things. Last year a store I really like had a Black Friday sale and I thought it wouldn’t be too bad because it wasn’t a mall shop. But it kind of sucked anyway. And I couldn’t find anything I wanted to buy!

  3. I chickened out today and didn’t leave my home. Guitar Center was having a big sale, too, and that wasn’t enough to lure me out. Bring on January 2nd, so all of this madness will be behind us. πŸ˜€

    • So funny you say that. We ended up at Guitar Center today but not because of the sale. My husband works on a lot with the artist showroom for Fender, Gretch and PRS and he gets a really great discount on those guitars so we just wanted my son to get a feel for the ones he would want. We ended up getting my daughter a beginner small scale Fender Squier in pink but the sale wasn’t applicable. Also found a cool PRS that we’ll probably end up getting for my son.

  4. “A helmet and knee pads, And a bullet proof vest”….and “The lawyer says I’m lucky, If I get seven years” made me laugh so hard, I snorted and my drink came out my nose!

  5. Perfect! So if you come away with only seven years, I think that would be a bargain! And if you change your mind, just leave the tags (and handcuffs) on yourself and you can be returned for full jail credit. πŸ˜‰

  6. Very funny. I’ve got an idea for you. (Yeah I’m sure you love when I do this) For the 12 days leading up to Christmas you could do a poem each day for each item in the 12 days of Christmas song. Sue me, I like a theme.

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