John Is Dead (Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder)

We knew a guy named John,
Guess we sort of lost touch,
You see the thing was,
We never really liked him much.

We didn’t go to his birthdays,
Or the cookout in his backyard,
And when it was Christmastime,
We didn’t even send a card.

So imagine how we felt,
When we got the news the other day,
Under unexpected circumstances,
John had passed away.

So we thought we’d give old Johnnie,
The send off he deserves,
And we all put on our best suits,
And went out to the service.

And when anybody asked me,
My relationship to John I would defend,
And tell all those people,
That I was his best friend.

And I thought of all the times we shared,
And a tear came to my eye,
And it became pretty clear,
That I kind of missed the guy.

And listening to the eulogy,
It suddenly dawned upon me,
Just how deeply saddened I was,
By the loss of dear Johnnie.

After the service we all went to the bar,
And we got good and plastered,
And cried and wept and talked about how much,
We truly loved that bastard!