No Man’s Land

 

This one, inspired by my son’s birthday today.

Creepy spiders, badger’s nest, perhaps dinner for two
A wizard and a warlock and of course a witch’s brew
An amulet, a cigarette, those keys you never found
Spare coins, the remote control, the pet you thought had drowned
The wallet years gone missing though you never knew to where
Amazing the things you will find while combing Jesse’s hair.

Happy Birthday Jesse!

P.S. Thank you to everyone who voted for my son’s band in the Metal Devastation Band of the Month poll. They actually won! They got a blog spot featured here and will be in heavy rotation on the station all month as well as being featured on their Facebook page. I’m sure my son would be overjoyed if, as a birthday gift, you would give his band a like on Facebook or follow them on Instagram.

https://www.facebook.com/diabologyband/

https://www.instagram.com/diabologyband/?hl=en


Metal Devastation Band of the Month

Hey people! My band, The CheeseBergens has entered a contest for Band of the Month on Metal Devastation Radio and we need votes! To avoid gratuitous self promotion, I’ve decided to also write a poem to help promote the cause. A lot of my blogging friends already voted, I know, and thanks so much to those who did. Here is the link:

http://metaldevastationradio.com/battle

And here is the poem:

If you vote we’lll have a chance
If you vote, I’ll do a dance
Or if you think I’d better not
If you vote, then I will stop

If you vote I’ll kiss a frog
If you vote, I’ll like your blog
Leave messages and you can boast
Marissa commented “Great post!”

And voting isn’t just for you
Your aunt can vote, your mother too
And if they think the format’s foreign
Just log on and you vote for ’em

You only have to do it once
Perhaps we’ll be band of the month
We’ll thank the little people too
And then you know that we’ll mean you

If you vote I will pretend
That you’re my very best of friends
I’ll give you stuff and rub your shoulders
Least until the month is over

P.S. By the way, voting is ongoing until the end of April 2017. If you are reading this blog before the end of April, you still have the opportunity to vote, so please do. It’s very much appreciated!

The Parking Spot

I tried to get there early
So I wouldn’t have to race
For the task nearly impossible
To find a parking space

For surely I’d be lucky if
I happened to have found
A spot twas even blocks away
The hottest club in town

My wond’ring eyes saw such a sight
They were likely to meet
A spot there that did wait for me
And right across the street

No sign was reading ‘tow away
No standing, loading only’
And so I pulled my car right up
To make it far less lonely

But once I pulled in not enough
To just leave for the club
I had to sit there to impress
On every passing schlub

Of what would be my luck that night
A feat much more than meager
And did I mention I’d no need
To feed the parking meter?

And as I sat there basking
In the space that I had took
I thought it best to take a pic
And post it on Facebook

So all my friends could envy me
And have it in their sights
Of all the luck that I was having
On that weekend night

But finally I had to go
So out the car I dragged
But ‘fore I made it to the club
I stopped off and I bragged

To every bouncer, every door girl
All that I did meet
Of how I got to get a spot
Just right across the street

And finally I got in the club
A sight that made me sober
To find the band I came to see
Was now completely over

But it was just a momentary
Downer, no real grieving
I just got back into my car
And now I’m never leaving.

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The actual picture I posted from my car on Saturday night…parked across the street from L.A. hot spot, The Troubadour.

Wake Me When The Show Is Over

I used to wait til midnight then it was time to rock
Now I’m frightened if a band goes on past 10 o clock

Pre Chorus:
So find me a nice corner
Safe from the mosh pit
Throw an MC over me
Whatever you see fit
And you can call me old
And you can go ahead and mock
Just tell everybody else
How hard I friggin rocked

Chorus:
Cause it’s hard to get your kicks
When you’re waking up at six
Call me old, call me a poseur
But just wake, oh wake me, wake me, when the show is over

Well I have seen Black Sabbath, The Rolling Stones and more
But every time I just end up passed up on the floor

Pre Chorus
So put my somewhere safe
A little out of touch
If they ask just tell them
That I drank too much
Fill me in on details
So I can give my take
Of how it would have been if I
Were actually awake

Chorus
Cause it’s hard to get your kicks
When you’re waking up at six
Call me old, call me a poseur
But just wake, oh wake me, wake me when the show is over

Bridge:
Well it used to be I didn’t even wake up until noon
And I didn’t leave my house until the rising of the moon
But now that kind of living well it’s showing me no mercy
Especially when I am having dinner at 4:30.

Another, and quite possibly the last for a while…for The Angsty Old Ladies!

barplank

Zack Is A Poser

We all knew Zack was one bad punk
His mohawk was the flyest
His jacket bore the latest bands
His spikes stood up the highest

But one day we were hanging out
And vibin’ on Joe Strummer
He said he loved The Clash but man
He couldn’t name the drummer

It took some years to live it down
Punk friends left Zack rejected
So Zack soon took a different form
He came back resurrected

His mohawk he would grow out long
His plaid pants for spandex
Cause it was heavy metal for
Which Zack was now obsessed

But soon the whispers came about
In those small vicious circles
Zack didn’t know the seventh guy
Who sang lead in Deep Purple

Then indie, Zack in hipster phase
With beard found things ironic
Next goth then grunge then new wave and
Just briefly electronic

But each time someone sniffed him out
Twas something not quite kosher
For Zack was neither metal, punk
But simply just a poser

Zack still knows naught bout music but
I guess it’s no big diff
Since now he listen to Ms. Spears
Bieber and Taylor Swift

And wears a 3 piece suit to work
Like some hot shot breadwinner
But really does the 9-5
Employed as a sign spinner.

Inspired by a blogversation I had with Joanne and My Life Lived Full.

4311989757_bd6bea704a

Do Unto Neighbors…

The pervert with his robe agape
To best show off his fat
The mother down the hall who’s proud
To raise her two mean brats

The hipsters who get loud at night
And act nerdy and smug
The girls who giggle ‘hind thin walls
Cars pull up with their drugs

The foreign family’s footsteps sound
Like hippos passing by
And sadsack Carol’s chitchat’s duller
Then if you watch paint dry

The dirty slobs, bad parking jobs
Lack of consideration
The smoke from cigarettes waft in
Our window’s ventilation

The ones who are too friendly worse
Those not friendly enough
But none will beat those that will dare
To complain about us.

This one was inspired by Phil Taylor and his post 10 Ways My Neighbors Annoy Me. Thanks Phil!

 

Party Animals

There’s a party over there
Don’t you want to go
There’s a party over there
Let’s stop and say hello

We’ll file past the patio
It’d probably be rude
If we didn’t pile up
Our plates high with some food

Let’s go and be sociable
For what would they think
If we didn’t have at least
One, two or three drinks

Let’s dance on the furniture
Let’s make this place a scene
Let’s sing hits from the 80s on
The Karaoke machine

Let’s go make a conga line
Let’s howl at the moon
Let’s make out with every single
Person in the room

Let’s hold court in the pantry
As if none could be finer
Break out the fancy silverware
And drink beer from the china

Let’s scream ‘Let there be anarchy!’
Til everyone’s excited
And run when they find we were not
Actually invited

imgres-24

Back To School Night Stinks

Back to school night,
is so wonderful indeed,
It often makes me regret,
ever having had to leave.

As I’m immediately taken,
with a weird need to transgress,
Deeply seated in my distain,
for teachers and midget sized desks.

But the other night was quite exceptional,
as my son played the part,
By a mid lecture emittance,
also known as a fart.

And try as I might,
there was little hope of masking,
The fact that all of us,
were hysterically laughing.

Cause nothing’s funnier then,
a well timed passing of gas,

And I’m thankful the teacher
didn’t ask us
if there was something
we’d like to share
with the class.

images-3

Ugly

She
Bored in a classroom
Writing their names in hearts
The cool girls
Lean over her desk
See her doodles
And laugh
And say, how could she?
Doesn’t she know
She’s ugly

Years later
She won’t remember his name
Or theirs
But only that
They thought
She was
Ugly.

imgres-1

It’s Alarming How Charming It Is When You’re A Farming

By the bottle he lived,
By the bottle he died,
A sad state of affairs,
When he decided to take that ride.

Doing some drunken gardening,
On a lawn mower I’m told,
When he decided to cut some grass,
At the house across the road.

The policeman saw him,
And he then thunk,
That’s old Danny,
He must be drunk!

And that’s why my father in law,
Is the only man I know,
Who got a DUI,
When all he wanted was to mow.

Danny