When Millenials Rule the World

Somewhere in Iraq, March 28, 2035 9:56 AM PST

The head of ISIL is discovered
On the button his hand hovers
Advisors ask him “Are you sure?”
As sweat comes out of every pore
He says “The weak make second guesses”
And so fateful, down he presses
With nothing left he must await
Reaction from United States

Washington D.C., March 28, 2035 10:04 AM PST

We find our leader in good health he
Photoshops his morning selfie
Erases wrinkles in his neck
When suddenly he gets a text

He can’t believe what he is seeing
And so he calls for a staff meeting
And so his people come abounding
For the news he is announcing

ISIL sent the atom bomb
In form of an emoticon
No one really had a clue
As to the next thing they should do

Till one suggested that perchance
They ask the President of France
So logical it seemed that next
That they should send to him a text

And so they sent it right away
And waited on what he would say
And by the phone they sat absorbed
Till they got back “That’s totes adorbs!”

They texted back “About the bomb”
Got “Sorry, was meant for my mom!
But don’t worry I got your text
And think I know what to do next

As serious as this all looks
You should unfriend him on Facebook
Or maybe it’s got to the stage
To troll him on his Youtube page

Or maybe something like this calls
For a mean game of volleyball
‘Cept this time there’s a winning team
And only they will get ice cream”

“France I like how your mind works
But the truth is I’m really hurt”
“Well U.S. if that’s the deal
Then call and tell him how you feel”

“Forgive me while I am digesting
What you seem to be suggesting
Me the leader of the nation
Having a phone conversation?

Does anyone still do that now
Don’t think I can remember how
Plus he won’t pick up at all
You know he prob’ly screens his calls”

“You’re right, forgive my impudence
It’s utterly ridiculous
The only thing that can be done
Is if you bring out the big guns”

“Oh no surely you can’t mean…”
“Oh yes, go to your iPhone screen!”
And so with a mind for revenge
The leader types in and hits send

And so he is up to the challenge
America’s fate in the balance
So eagerly he does await
The answer to his frowny face

A poem inspired by a blog by Phil Taylor Hey Millenials! WTF Are You Gonna Do?


83 thoughts on “When Millenials Rule the World

  1. Love everything about it–the rhyme and commentary on our handling of daily communication (really, who “talks” anymore?) Applying it all to our world leaders kicks the humor up a notch further. This rocks! ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Reblogged this on The Phil Factor and commented:
    Please read this hilarious poem by the brilliant Marissa Bergen, whom I consider the Shel Silverstein for a new generation, maybe the Millenial generation. Thanks for the shout out Marissa!

  3. I’m afraid *genius* doesn’t quite cut it!!
    I look forward to your posts SO MUCH!! I never know what to expect and you still manage to surprise me every. single. time.

    A war of emoticons fought by text message with the biggest casualty being hurt feelings. Beautiful!! ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. I AM ON THE FLOOR HOWLING!!! OH, MARISSA! I cannot believe how bold you are! This is FREAKING FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A war with emoticons. OMG! And everything else you said. Oh, Girl, you have got nerve!!! I’m still laughing, choking, laughing ……

  5. Yours is one of my always read blogs in my reader. Such unpredictable subject matter and anything can happen from the first to the last stanza. How is that book coming along? ๐Ÿ˜€

  6. Wow…you have accomplished something amazing here.
    I see/read the signature Marissa humor and satire – I feel the real undertones and bigger message.
    Seriously – this belongs in the New Yorker….

  7. Ahh, this was simply perfect, and not to be quoting France (I would never do that), but it was totes dorbs (btw, yes, I actually say those words… much to my children’s chagrin).

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