“Santa’s a zombie
His suit is blood red
Ms. Clause is a gorgon
The elves are undead
The reindeers are werewolves
It’s truly insane
You best leave him cookies
Of chocolate chip brains
And dedicate all
Of your personal effects
Because, oh what fun
It looks like your next!”
And look at him there
All jolly and fat
Best to bring up
The next little brat
“Ms. Clause sleeps around
And Santa’s on drugs
The elves all sniff glue
The reindeers are thugs
But all should be fine
As long as you see
Your partridge’s securely
Tied to your pear tree
Those five golden rings
Are a slight concern
And those milking maids…
Of fun, it’s your turn”
And heinous those jingle bells
Just keep on jingling
Here comes another
He’s already sniveling
“Oh my dear boy
Tears fall from your eyes
Would you like to tell
This dear old elf why?
Not good this year?
Blackness in your soul?
Well you’ll get off easy
With one lump of coal
Cause now Santa’s eating
All of the bad kids
Look it’s your turn
His teeth sure look big”
The joys of the season
Are mine to behold
This elf at the mall thing
Just never gets old
Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth 
Dark satire at its best…thought you let the milking maids off lightly!
Well, I was trying to leave it PG 13 what with the kids and all.
Very wise
What happened to your Christmas spirit, huh?
This is my Christmas spirit!!
😀
That’s a dark twist on Santa! The undead have invade the North Pole. However, even that it is better than enduring time at the shopping malls!
Right, any horror show would be better than that. There are actually Santa haunted houses. I guess you can celebrate that way.
I’ve been to the Santa Haunted House. Over here, we call it Toys r Us!
Ha, ha! That’s a good one!
Chocolate chip brains… Yes more chocolate please! I like this version, for a change.
Yes, really, that way the taste of brains is not so strong.
But yummy nevertheless! Ha!
Best Christmas tale I’ve heard in a long time! Totally brilliant, Marissa!
Thank you Syl!
You’re welcome! 😀
I vaguely recall Bing Crosby singing something similar. I’m dreaming of a zombie Christmas – it may just catch on. Is Amy Schumer in there too?
I like it, and yes, Amy Schumer is everywhere.
BTW is Santa a Democrat or GOP?
I believe he’s a member of the Wild Party.
Mrs. claus may sleep around, but do we really know what Santa all does at his stops.
I think we should do a documentary where we follow Santa around for a night. and ruthlessly expose him.
I’ll call Michael Moore to get the ball rolling on the DocuDrama
Have his people call my people.
Michael Moore’s people will get right on it. Santa is obviously a Republican as he wears red rather than blue. We need to bring him down.
Okay, sounds good. I’m right behind you.
Did your kids read that? LOL Would be a cheep Christmas this year!!!
Oh for sure!
Now there’s the image I’ve been looking for!
You are welcome… lol! Great minds think alike… lol… or better… morbid minds… haha
This is the Santa being talked about.
Apparently so.
Ooooh…I never did trust that hairy old man….
Your suspicions were correct…
Oh that’s a jolly bunch right there! Well I have a little time to warn the kids in my neighborhood that they might want to avoid the mall.
And ruin my fun??
Or maybe we could do with a few less kids around 🙂
Chocolate chip brains? I ate all of mine. Had I known Zombie Santa was coming, I would have left him more than a box of raisins.
Yes, well they are quite irresistible!!
I have other good reasons to avoid the Mall Santas….this just reinforced that. 😉
I can only imagine…
Haha! Very nice! Santa finally became fun. Does he share those drugs or what?
Never hurts to ask. What’s the worst he can do? Eat you?
hehe.. that’s the spirit!
Whatever you were drinking when you wrote this one, keep drinking it.
Hot chocolate, I swear!
Right.
Ooh, do we have a “Santa” (shh. . . Zombie) who can eliminate those dreadful but attractive, “Twilight” toys, DVD and posters?! I will prefer joining forces if you keep the chocolate flavored brains if I get a taste of ♡ Baileys Irish Cream coffee brains, Marissa! 🙂
Ooooh, Baileys Irish Cream coffee brains, now that is the drink of champions. Kind of sums up everything. Well, I will keep the chocolate flavored brains if only for a taste. Deal?
Okay, I will definitely share my Bailey’s with you, Marissa. 🙂 “Drink of champions, great line! Maybe rounding up a gang will ward off the Zombie Santa? I’ll bring my posse and you bring yours. . .
Sounds good to me!
The elves must be rich, the price of glue is $4.90 here, just brought a stick today
Must be some high quality s***!
Is the glue worth “sniffing?” Why in the world is it priced so “high?”
Only one way to find out…
I’ve always worried a little about the elfs, but the reindeer are werewolves?!!! The horror never seems to end!
Yeah, those little guys always seemed a bit nasty, but the reindeers are a whole other story! Don’t even ask me why Rudolph’s nose is red!!
I’ve always suspected Rudolph of a substance abuse problem.
That’s what I was thinking…but we’ve been strongly advised to keep it under wraps!!
{whispering} I won’t say a word …
My son would love this. Can’t give up the gift exchange though.
Ha! That is true!
So… this is the REAL “Nightmare before Christmas”.
Indeed! Actually, I was kind of thinking that myself.
Santa’s creepy…but the elves are worse
Very true!
Your Christmas spirit is more or less like mine! 🙂
Yes, something about the whole season just brings out the evil in me!
Hahaha, not only in you! 🙂
A different Santa and a different Rudolph….hmmmm 😆😆
Interesting to say the least!
WELL…This was sure different!!!!!
I like to think outside the box.
You do that very well. 🙂