The Gift That Keeps On Giving

I could never figure out
Just why Aunt Alice thought
I’d want a nose hair trimmer or
Exactly why she bought

Me red and green argyle socks
Composite baseball bats
A ‘love my kitty’ stocking though
I do not have a cat

A country western DVD
A dubious fruitcake
That boasted a 2013
Expiration date

But when she gave me this dumb scarf
The answer became clear
I recognized it as the one
I gave to her last year



68 thoughts on “The Gift That Keeps On Giving

  1. We have all had an Aunt Alice at one time or another methinks…nice piece of satire Marissa. Coincidentally in the UK papers recently a ‘nose hair trimmer’ was no. 2 in a list of the worst Christmas gifts a man can give a woman…an electric drill being no. 1. I think (could be wrong) a Weight Watchers gift card came third. You really ought to think trough a few husband gifts to wife and put it to your sword of poetry!

    • Takes one to know one I suppose.
      I did have a friend who would give me a lot of crap she had lying around as gifts but she really didn’t make any bones about it. I remember she gave me a bullet belt and a rhinestone bandana and I loved them both. Had them for years.

  2. …. and that’s why I will never be a re-gifter. I would become an Aunt Alice because I would completely lose track of what not to give who!!

    … but anyone who gives me a fruitcake deserves to get it back! Oh, who am I kidding? I’d eat the damn cake :/

  3. Every family has an “Aunt Alice”. I think all of them should get together and have a white elephant party! Give ’em a dose of their own medicine and such…

  4. Hi Marissa…Oh—the mystery of gifting! Those socks—those scarves—and those obligatory ‘cakes-of-fruity—expiration…Tis the comings and the goings of Holiday’s futures and Holiday’s pasts…But wait! Holiday’s present—for those quickly passing moments—one almost never—quite knows—what that wrapped up box—may contain—donchaknow…Wishing you a ‘wonder—full weekend…Phil

  5. I keep asking for one of those trimmers for my ears–or for my family to just shut the hell up about the thick tangles that started spilling out the side of my head a few years back–do you think if I can one of these “excess hair trimmers” to my wife this year….

    …nah, I’m not that self-destructive.

  6. We get what we deserve? Horrible thought, that!
    Your list of weird gift items, Marissa, made me laugh! There are so many odd things out there, who ever wants them?!! 😀

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