Excess Is Overrated

On supermarket superstores we’ve all been made reliant
As carts and bottles, boxes seem more suited for a giant
Careening through the aisles as I search the frozen food
And buying random pallets of whatever fits my mood

And after a few choices my cart’s quickly weighted down
I maneuver a monstrosity that weighs 100 pounds
Perhaps if I thought twice I would have brought along The Hulk
But worth it for the bargains surely earned buying in bulk

As acquisitions pile on my take-home load is ample
I push through families who obtain a free lunch on the samples
And to the lines that grow ten deep I finally am done
With shopping though it seems my trouble has only begun

For is it a degree you need or just a dying art
To reassemble items so they fit back in the cart
But then a thought crosses my mind that’s even more bizarre
Just how do I imagine I will stuff them in my car

Maybe a muscle man somewhere who’s able to assist
That they’ll send out with tanks and guns and flatbeds and forklifts
But alas no help they gave so I am truly sunk
As tooth paste and granola bars peek out of my trunk

For sure a bargain shopper and if you’re looking for proof
Just witness the juice boxes that are tied on to my roof
Which my children fasten on using their hands and feet
And just as well since they no longer fit in the back seat

But as I pull up to my home a task equally gnarly
As to get it up my stairs I fear we’ll need an army
Dedicated to the task no lesser or no greater
Than fitting all this food into my poor refrigerator

And shelves will warp and lights will dim and all the eggs destroyed
It hums and clicks and leaks and makes a very funny noise
A miracle to make it through which can only be beaten
By the unlikely chance that even half of it is eaten.

imgres

Advertisements

49 thoughts on “Excess Is Overrated

  1. This is such a great post! First off, it was very humorous, because I could relate to it. I also loved the rhyme of the writing, it flows very well!

  2. OMG I love that last pic! Is that you? And how well I relate to this post! I used to have a small vehicle. I used to only have one fridge/freezer. Of course, I used to have small baby too!

    • Oh gosh, no definitely not me. When I put that pic in it seemed to come from some kind of article on superstores in England. Anyway, yes definitely feel that pain, especially with our refrigerator which is way too small for a family of four.

  3. OMG – you captured the madness perfectly!!

    For me, I detest the blockages at the ends of the aisles with the sample tables. They drive me insane. I remember with disturbing clarity witnessing a woman who popped out her teeth to clean them – rather thoroughly – after visiting the sample table {shudder}

  4. Yeah, those sample tables are a PIA. Sometimes the people asking if you want a sample get quite aggressive. Not quite chasing you down the aisle aggressive, but close. 😀

    • Usually at the superstores I think the people waiting for the samples can get quite aggressive. Like, the servers run out of food and then they have to cook more and everyone is just waiting, looking out of the corner of their eyes ready to pounce and then it’s like look out!! A bit of a mosh pit if you ask me!

  5. Topical progression to inevitable conclusion set against an everyday story of modern times. Superb! By the way since quitting work I do small amounts of shopping daily the French way- much, much better…just saying!

      • Sadly not in this instance, you see the French have a loathing (although they are worried their younger generation don’t share it) for shopping daily focusing just upon the meals of the day with fresh food, bread (in particular) and ‘stuff’. It is only in recent years they’ve allowed the odd McDonalds and now regret that they did as their youngsters (although not as bad as in the UK and the US) are getting a tad ‘chubby’! One still has to attend a Parisian brothel for kinky…so I’ve been told…Shirl you did tell me that…you did, surely you remember…trouble afoot – best go now!

      • I think our conversations are starting to merge. We’re getting into chubby territory once again…although I dare say you’re getting into a different territory all together…can’t help you there Mike!

  6. You do know there is a tool that will make your purchases lighter than a feather. And it is useful to have around the house. It’s called a mari, a marido, an ehmann, a sýzygos. In English, it’s a husband.

  7. I gave up my Costco card loong time ago! Not only did I spend way too much everytime, food sits in the fridge long time too. Such a waste. It’s only good for those paper towel or tissue paper shopping. Now I leave the ‘regular’ grocery shopping to my husband. I do my own shopping esp if I’m cooking my ‘oriental’ foods! Haha!

  8. I got suckered into a “free” Costco membership a few years back and was so excited about what I’d be saving. I bypassed all of the food because I knew we’d never eat that much of one thing. The problem was, that I couldn’t leave the store without making a purchase because I thought it would be a wasted trip. A few years, and a few hundred dollars later, I’m the not-so-proud owner of “essentials” like light up snowmen and Star Wars picture books. There’s a new sucker born every minute!

    • We only have Costcos out here and usually the cashiers are pretty well run but that doesn’t mean the lines aren’t still outrageous. I can only imagine what it would be like in stores that aren’t as well staffed! Thanks Rachel!

  9. If you are writing from experience than ‘you’ remind me of my dad. He believed in buying in bulk. When he passed we handed out commerative rolls of paper towels from his stock. Truth be told I believe in the stock up theory but my husband not so much….but I think I’m convincing him.

    • I think it works well with nonperishables, but even frozen items are difficult because they take up so much room. My Costco card was good to have when my husband owned a business but not so much for my family of 4.

      • Our little house doesn’t ‘stock’ anything well. 😉 But I miss that ability. Though I have gotten husband to understand we can have MORE than THE shampoo or THE tooth paste we are using in the house. We can have at least one on stand by. 🙂

  10. this reminded me of shopping with my mom when I was little and getting to pick one treat, like chocolate covered donuts, lol. Today I mainly just shop for myself so I use those little baskets, not carts…!

  11. You know it, Marissa. The big box discount store that leaves it your own devices to bag it. Oh wonder of wonders! My other supermarket challenge nowadays is unloading our cart in the proper order so the checker places our items in our fancy schmancy reusable bags in the proper non-squishable sequence! It’s a master chess game for me. 🙂

The Blood Trail Starts Here...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s