Fifteen

Fifteen pairs of underwear
Left on the bedroom floor
Fourteen items I forgot
To pick up from the store

Thirteen times reminding you
About tomorrow’s plans
Twelve frenzied calls from freeways cause
I don’t know where I am

Eleven times of coming home
From a day from hell
Ten TV dinners eaten that
Did not heat up too well

Nine times I asked “the garbage out?”
You claimed you didn’t hear
Eight peanut butter Oreos
That somehow disappeared

Seven days complaining that
I’ve got nothing to wear
Six drains that need plumbing since
They’re clogged up with my hair

Five neighbors pissed because we are
Rehearsing on their heads
Don’t forget the four in-laws
I think that’s enough said

About three dumpsters worth of junk
That have since accrued
The two monkeys that lie around
And eat up all our food

And then one other sleepless night
Spent listening to you snore
But I love you darling
So here’s to 15 more

For my husband on our Anniversary!

Inspired with the help of Dina over at Wine and Cheese Doodles and her post 15 to Life.

IMG_8175

Mentioning the Unmentionables

Ones that button ones with fur
Ones with room for him and her
Lacey, leather, sexy, black
Ones that whale tail up your back

Ones all torn and ripped and stained
Ones embroidered with your name
Boy shorts, low rise, a fig leaf
Or just your boyfriend’s boxer briefs

Ones that zip so they’re accessible
Ones that are completely edible
From erotic catalogues
Or even a pair for your dogs

One with little pockets sewn
A perfect place to hold your phone
Christmas ones with bright lights blinking
Wonder what the hell you’re thinking

Stringy ones just barely there
Ones like your granny would wear
Ones with faces on each cheek
One for each day of the week

On cold days best to make em thermal
Pack it in a modern girdle
And god forbid if there’s a scene
Take mom’s advice make sure they’re clean

Written courtesy of the prompt and not so gentle prodding of Stephanie at Once Upon Your Prime. Love you Stephanie, thanks!

images-2

Love Schmove

The way she puts up with his morning breath
The way he puts up with her indecisions
And when they swore that they would part at death
Did they consider bodily emissions

The way his underwear stays on the floor
The way her voice is just a bit too shrill
The way Saturday nights became a bore
And then he asks her if she loves him still

The way she rolls her eyes, screws up her mouth
And moves a little closer on the couch

I’d like to thank Christy Birmingham for challenging me in the Love in 10 Sentences challenge. I honestly thought I’d never write a poem about love.

 

 

 

Love For Sale

One ugly argyle sweater,
That he wore day and night,
He thought he was a hipster’s dream,
I couldn’t stand the sight.

One ‘I Love My Boyfriend’ T-shirt,
For he hadn’t a clue,
As proven in this unused pair,
Of underwear for two.

One beat up leather wallet,
I’m looking to discard,
Complete with personal I.D.,
And his credit card.

One cubic zirconia ring,
At which I was enraged,
He said it was for me to show,
We were pre pre-engaged.

One double sided picture frame,
Worn but not too bad,
Which held a picture of us both,
Opposite his mom and dad.

One lock set which was removed from,
The front door of my dwelling,
Ensuring he can not retrieve,
His things before I sell them.

imgres-21