Friends! It is a monumental day in CheeseBergens history! Please join us by watching this video premier! Take a moment to indulge in this guilty pleasure and watch myself and my family as we make fools of ourselves! Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you…”Cool”!
Lately I have come to see,
My life as reality TV,
Where they might cue in crickets because,
I said something worthy of a long, awkward pause.
Where in a grocery store the camera might pan,
To show the audience I’ve forgotten the jam,
And if I do something really dumb,
It will not be overcome,
But rather will be front page news,
In my friend’s private interviews.
And if there’s drama or commotion,
It will be replayed in slow motion,
And a very popular feature,
Rock n’ roll supermom vs. some poor teacher,
As the world waits on the edge of their seats,
To see the results when they tune in next week.
And though I’ll be a huge ignoramus,
It’s likely I’ll be rich and famous,
Write autobiographies and have fat paychecks coming,
Based on the fact that I’ve done nothing,
And get recognition from the academy,
For playing the jackass that is me.
Sitting in the office, the need to unleash,
The inner working of the beast,
When my work appropriate dress,
Is lost for fishnets and spandex.
Or perhaps at a child’s birthday party,
When I dance on the bar and bust out the Bacardi,
Waiting for my child at school as I wreak havoc,
Insisting all mothers air guitar as I sing Black Sabbath.
Or perhaps sitting bored at a meeting,
I’ll jump up and scream, “I can’t hear you Cleveland!!”
All these thoughts barely contained,
As I apologetically explain,
That I used to play in a rock n’ roll band,
And never expect them to understand.