Hey! I’ve been away for quite some time and I probably won’t be coming back on a regular basis any time soon. I’m just here for shameless self promotion.
Even though I am coming up on 50, I am still actively making a fool of myself performing in my family band The CheeseBergens. In fact, we have just released a new album and if you could take a listen, it would mean the world to me.
You can download the album for free at our Bandcamp link.
We also have a lyric video below. 
Forgive me bloggers, for I have sinned. It has been over four months since my last blog entry and about 3 years since I changed my profile picture. I don’t even look like that any more.
And now I’m only back because I need something! I need you to vote for my son’s band who is competing in the same contest my illustrious band, The CheeseBergens competed in some months back….but they actually have a chance of winning! So let me put in this plug for them before I give you a reason for my despicable actions.
They are called Diabology and here’s the link:
Diabology
By the way, for those who are wondering why I’ve been absent, it’s because instead of filling my dull, senseless hours at work by blogging, I’m now doing freelance writing which I’m actually getting paid for. It’s been a difficult choice, but blogging just ain’t paying the bills! (By the way, If you want to do the same, I suggest you check out Upwork.com.)
And now, to make this post just a bit less self-serving… a poem…
Look at me
A senseless hack
Gone too long
But now I’m back
Not for the good
Or for the greater
But just to ask
You all a favor
Surely I
Do not deserve
And you’ll all say
I have some nerve
Unfollow me
And call me damned
But maybe vote
For my son’s band.
Voting goes through the end of October only!!
Hey people! My band, The CheeseBergens has entered a contest for Band of the Month on Metal Devastation Radio and we need votes! To avoid gratuitous self promotion, I’ve decided to also write a poem to help promote the cause. A lot of my blogging friends already voted, I know, and thanks so much to those who did. Here is the link:
http://metaldevastationradio.com/battle
And here is the poem:
If you vote we’lll have a chance
If you vote, I’ll do a dance
Or if you think I’d better not
If you vote, then I will stop
If you vote I’ll kiss a frog
If you vote, I’ll like your blog
Leave messages and you can boast
Marissa commented “Great post!”
And voting isn’t just for you
Your aunt can vote, your mother too
And if they think the format’s foreign
Just log on and you vote for ’em
You only have to do it once
Perhaps we’ll be band of the month
We’ll thank the little people too
And then you know that we’ll mean you
If you vote I will pretend
That you’re my very best of friends
I’ll give you stuff and rub your shoulders
Least until the month is over
P.S. By the way, voting is ongoing until the end of April 2017. If you are reading this blog before the end of April, you still have the opportunity to vote, so please do. It’s very much appreciated!
My second article for Degenerate News just got published. Please click through and show some love for the band The Two Tens.
TMChrisBarber2016
There really ain’t no other way I like to grill it
When I get some frozen patties in my skillet
I’m down to eat a salad or scarf up grease
But there’s just one way to serve it that’s gonna please
I don’t care if it’s in slices or an easy squeeze
Just do it- but do it with cheese!
Now you might say your lactose intolerant
But I say just suck it up or you can go get bent
Cause if your tummy hurts then I say “oh please!”
Go wash it down with Tums or some anti freeze
Theres just one way to serve it that’s gonna please
Just do it – but do it with cheese!
When they see me comin’ they don’t need to guess
If I want some cheese with that cause the answer is yes
I need the gooey stuff and that’s for sure
And I don’t care if it’s costing me 50 cents more
Cheese is the stuff of life and you can’t refute
If you think you’re gaining weight then stop eating fruit
Cause life is too short to sweat the calories
So you best start clogging up all those arteries
Live fast and die of cardiovascular disease
Just do it – but do it with cheese!
Hello friends! I’m sure you were all waiting with bated breath for this last installment of our Three Songs In Three Days Campaign. Fun factoid!! Due to some technical issues this song almost was not released today!!! Lucky for you, we had a last minute edit that saved the day. I know, imagine you, all bummed out for the weekend because you were waiting for this song and couldn’t be sure if you would ever hear it!!
Well, here it is. This one was published before as a poem but now has music added, so PLEASE LISTEN!! Come on people, I can tell how many of you are listening and it’s a lot more than those who are stopping by to like or comment…although the fact that you are enjoying the lyrics is appreciated as well….but we work hard on this stuff!! This is another track with my daughter on vocals and you know she’s a newbie at this so all feedback is appreciated, especially the good kind!! Okay, without further ado, The CheeseBergens’ lifelong motto…Do It With Cheese!
Some dudes moved in to our neighborhood
Wearing trucker hats that read ‘Hollywood’
There’s Mr. Park My Prius Just As Bad As I Can
Paul Giamatti and Social Cause Stan
Prius talking ’bout Alaska, how he volunteered
While he’s cooking tofu or something weird
Paul is so loud even Steve Jobs can hear
And we can’t decide if causes is Clark Kent or just queer
… Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
The hipsters downstairs
The hipsters downstairs
Nobody cares about
The hipsters downstairs
The hipsters downstairs
The hipsters downstairs
With their stupid facial hair
The hipsters downstairs
They rise at sunset say up all night
They just might be hipster vampires
Or more likely a werewolf for Paul with that beard
Nervous Nod causes could be Frankenweird
Apparently guitar is now the thing
They murder it all night, let’s hope that they don’t sing
And if I hear ‘In Alaska’ one more time
I’m gonna stick that guitar where the sun don’t shine
Chorus
They threw a party last weekend
They camped out in the yard
It wasn’t them throwing bottles I feared
But bustin’ out with Kubaya
Some dudes moved in to our neighborhood
Wearing trucker heads that read ‘Hollywood’
There’s Mr. Park My Prius just as bad as I can
Paul Giamatti and Social Cause Stan
And if I hear ‘In Alaska’ one more time
I’m gonna stick that guitar where the sun don’t shine
Or maybe call an Uber and tell the man
“Take ’em back to Alaska or Douchebagistan”
As promised, here is song number 2 of our Three Songs In Three Days Campaign. I don’t believe I’ve ever shared the lyrics to this one before either and that is probably due to the fact that it was mostly written by my husband. I just tweaked a couple of things and added the bridge.
This is the true (if slightly exaggerated) story of the neighbors who live below us. Fun fact! We actually practice in our apartment, right above their heads. We often wonder if this song goes through their minds and, if so, whether they realize it’s about them!
I think on every music scene there is one person that everyone is going to meet sooner or later, and Bruce Duff happens to be that person. It probably all owes to the fact that he is not only in several bands but has also worked in just about every capacity possible behind the music scene as well. Interested? You can read more about Bruce here.
Driving in my car in the middle of the day
Hoping that I’m able to remember my way
I start and stop can’t recall is it left or right
So I pull the switch and there goes on my signal light
Chorus:
I’m driving with my blinker on again
You never know how this will end
Will I make a right or left or even turn you’ll never guess
I’m driving with my blinker on again
Well at one point I’m sure I did intend to turn
Now you’re asking me where my driving I did learn
Well I’m pretty sure it was the school for the crazy
Directionally challenged and curmudgeonly old ladies
Chorus
Bridge:
You were getting pretty hopeful down on Ave B
But now that we’re on M you’ve nearly given up on me
That light is winking at you and it’s driving you insane
You’d try to get around me too bad it’s a single lane
Well it’s finally time to lose me at any cost
Might go mile out or you could end up getting lost
Try to turn right but suddenly out of the blue
I decide to make that right, right in front of you
Chorus
Not as rock themed…but possibly another for the AOL!
My newest Geeks of Doom article is live. My old friend Steven Blush is a published author now. I think think what he’s doing is awesome. You can read about it here.
I broke my hip in the mosh pit
I don’t remember that it ever was so rough
When was it that 13 year olds got so goddamn tough
I broke my hip in the mosh pit
I broke my hip in the mosh pit
I know they told me that I just should stay in back
But I could not resist and then something went crack
I broke my hip in the mosh pit
They lifted me above the crowd
To an ambulance I’m hurtling
But half the people thought that I
Was doing some crowd surfing
I broke my hip in the mosh pit
I didn’t know it would have been so damn ferocious
‘Specially with early onset osteoporosis
I broke my hip in the mosh pit
Another one for The Angsty Old Ladies!
Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth 