A Wrinkle In Reality

“Hello my dearest watchers! Now
I’m sure that you have guessed
We’re back with a new episode of
Who can Mom The Best

Where we attempt to find the finest
Mother in the country
Judged by Frankie Heck, Marge Simpson
And of course Peg Bundy

We’re down to the finale round
Just one can win the trophy
So we remind you ladies you
Were being watched quite closely

Ms. Applebaum you were so close
To having been the winner
But yesterday we saw you serve
Your boy a TV dinner

And when your daughter screamed and screamed
And wore on your last nerve
We thought there was a second when
You looked a bit perturbed

Peggy liked it but Marge thought
You should keep your composure
So I’m afraid your days of Who
Can Mom The Best are over

So now it’s down to Mrs. Stubner
And to Mrs. Macklebee
Only one can win it all
Let’s see who it will be

Stubner we’ve dug through your things
And have reviewed the facts
And saw that you have let your PTA
Membership lapse

And saw on Monday little Joe
Was off on a field trip
But it seems that you never did
Sign the permission slip

Ms. Macklebee a benchmark by
Which all mothers should stand
You rule the roost with vision clear
A firm and steady hand

And time and time again we have
Put your skills to the test
It’s clear you’re this year’s winner of
Who Can Mom the Best!”


So Macklebee would soon enjoy
Her 15 minute fame
Inevitably brought on by a
Reality show reign

Until the meddling media found
A technicality
It seems that she escaped a mental
Health facility

And so investigations ran
And came forth the fact checkers
Who found that her kids actually
Were mid age midget wrestlers


You Think You Want To Be A Witch

I see the disappointed faces
As they stare at me
And hear insulting comments from
The mean panel of three

Sharon Osbourne, Madonna and
On the right Taylor Swift
The judging panel of You Think
You Want to Be A Witch?

So I stand there with Stevie Nicks
Our diaphanous host
Sharon starts with comments that
For sure hurt me the most

“I thought your brew was rather thin
It lacked the bitter roots
And I think that you forgot
To add in eye of newt

It made your victim’s skin scaly but
That is all that you managed
And your broom flying is at best
Directionally challenged

You spent your time watching You tube
In your crystal ball
I’m afraid this witch crafting
Just isn’t you at all.”

Stevie reminds my fans to vote
If they find that untrue
And then turns to Madonna and
Says, “Madge let’s hear from you.”

“At first glance I thought you were
Some great enchanted mystic
But now I think it’s just cause you
Were wearing that black lipstick

My mind is changed I think you prob’ly
Should just stick to pink
And your dance of conjuring
Is really out of sync

I sure don’t think your cackling
Did even cause a scare
I’m afraid that as a witch
You haven’t, like, a prayer.”

And so with that said, things are turned
Back to our rockin’ host
Who reminds the viewers just
How much I need their votes

Which somehow fails to make my spirits
Even start to lift
As Stevie says “Now it’s your turn
What do you think Ms. Swift?”

But Taylor looks up with smile
Plastered on her face
Her eyes somehow expressionless
She says “I think it’s great!”

So Stevie says “Marissa it’s sure
Looking pretty bleak
What do you have to say to this?
It’s your turn now to speak.”

I say “Thanks for your criticisms
Plainly I can see
That perhaps the witchy life
Just isn’t quite for me

My potions didn’t do the trick
My broom and hat askew
But despite my deficiencies
There’s one thing I can do.”

And then a lightening burst came through
And then the clearing fog
Where once the panel of three sat
Now there were just three frogs.

With endless thanks to Annabelle Troy at Jane Eyre Gets Real for the inspiration.