A Slave to the Bottle

Mikey Mike was sure the girls simply would adore
Him if he smelled exactly like the Abercrombie store
So off he went with quest to win the hearts of maidens plenty
To secure the bottled smell that cost a pretty penny

He doused himself but the honeys noticed not at all
Except to say “Oh gosh it smells exactly like the mall!”
And Mikey was frustrated so but just figured he’d be
A charmer with the ladies if he doused more heavily

And soon the smell did permeate his bed sheets and his clothes
Until it was the only scent that dared come through his nose
His food would smell of his cologne it was all that he tasted
And it came to the point that applications were just wasted

For everybody knew that it would be the fires of hell
That would rid poor Mikey Mike of his incessant smell
Which may as well have had the title of Eau de le Sewer
And friends they come around quite less and girlfriends even fewer

Until one day a girl came round who did seem rather fetching
Who walked so proud on Mikey’s arm without even retching
At first no one could fathom what in Mikey she did see
And wondered if her nostrils weren’t working properly

But take a few steps closer and one could do more than assume
Her lover’s scent was blocked out by her own vile perfume.