Fairies Wear Boots: Behind The Music

Cecilia was a fairy girl
Who never fussed or cussed
But flew around in forests sprinkling
Love and fairy dust

Until she did get bored one day
Of always being nice
And called on Fairy Godmother
To ask for some advice

And her godmother said to her
“I know about these things
You must go out and live your life
To truly earn your wings

Go out into the human world
Live up and party hard
This amulet will protect you
And here’s my credit card.”

And so Ceclia did go out
To see what she could find
She ran around and had a blast
For all of fairy kind

She went out clubbing, danced on bars
Bathed naked in jacuzzis
Shopped around in high end stores
Drank champagne, ate sushi

Drag raced cars and belly danced
And really lived it up
While snorting lines from dollar bills
Of magic fairy dust

Time came Cecilia to return
And be among her species
But she was now a different girl
And asked to be called CeeCee

Wore halter tops and leather shorts
Hair pink from tip and root
Red lipstick, shadow, cat eye shades
And thigh high leather boots

And with her newfound confidence
She thought she’d take a chance
She grabbed a rather dishy dwarf
And did a dirty dance

Then Ozzy Osbourne did walk by
Was this an aberration?
Or flashbacks of bad acid trips
Causing hallucinations?

He visited the doctor then
To tell him that he saw
A fairy who was wearing boots
Dancing with a dwarf

The doctor said “you see these thing
Just don’t exist at all
You really have to stop the drugs
Get off the alcohol!

Get it together or I fear
Your life will soon be over!”
And laughed off Ozzy when he said
That he was stone cold sober.

I would like to thank Mark Bialczak for nominating me for the ‘If You Are A Quote Lover’ challenge. Of course I bent the rules a bit, but what else is new?

Manifesto Of A Social Pariah With A Low Moral Barometer

It probably isn’t really best to,
Have someone like me write a manifesto,
And I actually think it is good to mention,
That such a writing challenge be brought to question.
Perhaps a ruse to have me taken away?
Who is this Ben Huberman anyway??
Maybe a member of the the Illuminati,
Who thinks my distaste of bacon qualifies me for the Communist Party.

But a thought so irresistible,
Makes me wonder if it should be permissible,
For could the whole world be waiting to see,
A version of life according to me?
And so I look deeply within,
But now can only wonder where to begin.

A blank canvas on which to paint a portrait,
That starts out with a sea of chocolate,
Flying cars and boatloads of riches,
An elimination of pet peeves and bitches.
Providing a foundation of a world that will be,
Filled with spa days and shopping sprees,
Eventually achieving the ultimate goal,
Sex and drugs and rock n’ roll,
Ruling the world as it was meant,
With Ozzy Osbourne for president.

But then I see that something’s wrong,
My manifesto’s been written all along,
180 pages of unabashed truth,
Called ‘Glorious Results of a Misspent Youth’.



Dedicated To The Chocolate Cake Served At My Husband’s Holiday Party

Oh, chocolate cake served at my husband’s holiday party
Served 10:30 at night
You’re tall dark gooey layers
They done me wrong they done me right

I sunk my fork into you
Both twice my size and girth, It
kept me up the entirety of the night…
Totally worth it!

I just want to add a personal message to my readers. If you read my last post you know that I thought that might be my last post of 2013. However I just couldn’t resist adding this timely and festive little ditty. You will just have to think of me like Ozzy Osbourne who had his ‘No More Tours’ tour in 1993 and then his Ozzmosis (Retirement sucks) tour in 1995, or Kiss who planned to do their final tour in (can you believe it?) the year 2000.

Have a happy!

Top 12 Heavy Metal Albums of the 80s

Inspired by the recently released Rolling Stones’ top 10 metal albums of the 80s, I am chiming in. This was a difficult decision, but keep in mind, I tried to keep it to one album per band and tried to categorize the music that if felt could only be considered heavy metal, i.e. not hard rock or thrash. I welcome your opinions if you feel like I left any out. By the way, hope you don’t mind, mine is more of a top 12. Just couldn’t whittle it down!

12. Too Fast For Love- Motley Crue


I know the musical integrity may not be there for some, but to me, this was definitely a defining album in 80s metal. And besides, I was 13 years old and Vince Neil’s crotch was on the cover so…

11. Stay Hungry – Twisted Sister


Once again, probably not among the tops for people with refined music tastes but raw, rebellious, and definitely the definition of all the was 80’s heavy metal. How do you want to live your life?

10. Pyromania


Right before they sold out, went rap, and Joe Elliot turned into Nancy Wilson, Def Leppard proved that they had one more in them, quite possibly their best.

9. Balls to the Wall – Accept


Who cares if Udo Dirkschneider resembled a little frog? Who cares if Accept disappeared into virtual obscurity following the release of this album? Who cares if we really can’t understand the words and there’s some German dude in leather panties on the front cover? This album rocked!

8. Killers – Iron Maiden


I know what your thinking but I loved Paul Dianno. I think he was an awesome singer with a sexy, bluesy voice that gave Iron Maiden a punk edge. There’s more Iron Maiden to come so don’t get your panties in a bunch. I allowed two Iron Maiden because I almost feel like Bruce Iron Maiden and Paul Iron Maiden are two different bands. Also, I almost creamed my jeans when i heard Murders in the Rue Morgue for the first time.

7. Holy Diver – Dio


Shout out and big old two fingered salute (and I don’t mean two middle fingers) to Ronnie James Dio, nuff said.

6. Blizzard of Ozz – Ozzy Osbourne


Premier album from Ozzy Osbourne solo with the late great Randy Rhodes. Great songs plus Ozzy on the cover doing something appropriately deranged and blasphemous.

5. Love At First Sting – Scorpions


Hats off the another great German midget with a pair of lungs. Klaus Meine may not have looked the part but he sure was a romantic guy.

4. Ace of Spades – Motorhead


Part of the inspiration for me writing this list was the fact that the Rolling Stones article made no mention of Motorhead. Don’t be dissing on my boy Lemmy! Fourth and probably the pinnacle of all Motorhead albums (although for me it was a toss up between this and Orgasmatron), and yes, it was released in 1980.

3. Defenders of the Faith – Judas Priest


Barely beating out Screaming for Vengeance in the fight to the finish. True it does not have the Hellion/ Electric Eye medley but I think it’s a better album through and through. Also, there’s something about this album that makes me wish I was a teenager on a hot summer night.

2. Number of the Beast


Ha! I told you… I told you I was gonna add it and see, I did!! Bruce Dickinson joins the band, Steve Harris finds his muse and writes the album he always wanted to write.

1. Ride the Lightening – Metallica


I know many would argue that Metallica’s career became more refined after this album, oh yeah, after James Hetfield got singing lessons, and they started making videos and Lars became an asshole, and they publicly spewed their differences in Some Kind of Monster, and they started caring about their paychecks and forgetting that is was “All About the Kids” and of course, who could forget poor Cliff. Just give me good old fashioned raw Metallica, please. I’ll take this one, thanks.