My Mom Will Probably Kill Me

I don’t want to do my homework today
My mom will probably kill me
I don’t care what she say
I know she’ll probably kill me
Luke and Lea
Dragon slayers
Rock n’ roll and
XBox consoles
My mom will probably kill me
Today

I don’t wanna go to school today
My mom will probably kill me
I don’t care what she say
I know she’ll probably kill me
Surf the net
TV set
I just wanna
Listen to Nirvana
My mom will probably kill me
Today

I don’t wanna be good today
My mom will probably kill me
I don’t care what she say
I know she’ll probably kill me
Guess I’m just
Misunderstood
If I’m bad or
If I’m good
My mom will probably kill me
Today
I know she’ll probably kill me
Anyway

This is the first release from my band The CheeseBergens. Hope you enjoy. You can listen to the song for free or if you want to make a donation, all proceeds will be donated to The Rock School Scholarship Fund. http://rockschoolfund.org/ Thanks.

 

Spirit of Radio

Edith worked the overnights
She sat there all alone
With nought a one for comp-ny but
His relaxed dulcet tones

That somehow did emit a sort of
Subtle sexy growl
And she would join immodestly
For his signature howl

“A whooo this is the sly dog here
I tell you I don’t bite
But I’ll bark and growl and take you
Through the lonely night

We got some Pistols coming soon
And then the Violent Femmes
So be sure to tune in right here
At KHY FM!”

And Edith listened as Sly Dog
Would play her favorite tunes
Pretending he spoke straight to her
Beneath the waning moon

She’d answer all his questions and
Converse quite easily
With the voice she found on her
Radio frequency

But one day Edith spoke to Dog
Near had a heart attack
Because dear Edith was quite sure
That Sly Dog answered back

And she tested her theory sure
That something was amiss
Until he said it loud and clear
“Hey what it be, Edith?”

From that day on they chatted so
‘Bout all that suits their fancy
Like whether the Foos were all that
And whether Sid killed Nancy

And whether it’s Beatles or Stones
Or if Kurt’s recognition
Would be so if he hadn’t died
Or Fender over Gibson

And times when it was just about
The sun was due to rise
They’d get all philosophical
And just talk about life

Then one night Edith came to work
To Sly Dog said “Hello”
But there would be no answer back
She thought “Where did he go?”

She tried to find what happened but
All her attempts were thwarted
When she found that all Sly Dog’s shows
Were always prerecorded

But Edith bound back quickly
And not one to be depressive
Now she swears her new best friend
Is Flo from Progressive

This poem is dedicated to Wolfman Jack, Rodney Bingenheimer and all the overnight deejays who were there before overnight meant prerecorded.

Also thanks to Syl at Syl65’s Blog for his poem 10:55: You’re On The Air for inspiration.

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You Named Your Baby What Now?

Baby names are getting weirder and weirder. Taking a guilty pleasure in the many articles written in the past couple of weeks like, “Weirdest Baby Names of 2013” or “Top Baby Names of the Millennium”, I can personally tell you that baby names have taken a turn for the, well, let’s just say unusual. As each celebrity and yuppie tries to top each other with a more unusual name for their child, it is shocking how many babies bear the name Blue or how many babies are named for suburbs in New York, as the Jennifers, Saras and Michaels are replaced by McKenzies and Jaydens.

All this has got me thinking that perhaps the names I gave my children are just too hohum. It is so often when I hear a random word and think, “Wow, that’s what I should have named Anjelica!” So to prevent expecting parents from making the same mistake I have, I would like to share some ideas I had so that we can all make 2014 the weirdest year for baby names yet.

Raid your Medicine Cabinet: That’s right. It’s right in your home, easily accessible, and it offers a wealth of baby names. You can go the safe, herbal route and name your child something like Valerian, Chamomile, Schizandra or Acai, but imagine sending your little stinker off to school with a name like Iodine, Benzoyl or even Viagra.

Think Cars: Sure we’ve all heard our share of Royces and even a couple of Fords. But if you really want your child’s name to speak luxury, try Lamborghini, Ferrari, Porsche, Lexus or Jaguar. Love the environment? Maybe Prius would be a more suitable name for your child?

Music: It’s not too unusual to name a child for a musician or musical group. I’m sure a lot of Elvises are well into their 40s by now. And while your neighbors have all probably given birth to a couple of Madonnas and Beyonces already, not to mention that woman at school who has one in the oven she is thinking of naming Lorde, let’s think a little outside of the box, shall we? I know there are some Axls running around, and I’ve even heard a few Lemmys (even on a girl no less), but has anyone ever thought of Metallica, Nirvana, Ramone or even Mumford?

Movies: Another source of inspiration in baby names is the cinema. While I’m sure there are a million Star Wars inspired Lukes and Leias out there, I am thinking that Anakins, Darths and Bobas are pretty low on the population list. In fact, the sci-fi genre is just full of ingenuity when it comes to baby names. Think Gandalf, Aragorn and Neo. More of a comedy lover? Why not Napolean or Burgundy. But I think I have come up with the single most clever, most unusual baby name of all time. I would bet on the fact that it is unused and I, in fact, dare anyone to name their child after this definitive movie character of the century. That’s right…it’s McLovin.
P.S. You know how the link suggestions are supposed to show up when you are editing your posts? Mine are not doing that. Also not suggesting tags. Anyone else? Thanks.