Picky Nicky

It was me and Eddie going steady
Thought we were bound for life
Till I saw him eat a pizza slice
With a fork and knife

So then it seemed Tyler might be
Worthy of my affections
Til a Nickelback CD turned up
In his record collection

I thought Caleb was a solid guy
But it just wouldn’t do
That he couldn’t seem to name each guy that
Was in Motley Crue

On to Marvin who within my heart
I would hold near and dear
But then he ate a sandwich and
Got mayo in his beard

And Jeff I thought him a sure thing
Til it ended in shambles
When I found out in the summer he
Wore socks under his sandals

And Charlie smelled of play dough, Ted’s
Laugh sounded like a duck
And Grant was over when I found
His band completely sucked

I guess that I will just give up
On all my love affairs
And sleep with Mr. Wiggles my
Trustworthy teddy bear

He’s sweet and cuddly and so cute
And every night he’ll hug me
Although that bow tie that he wears
Is really starting to bug me.

Inspired by a blogversation I had with Andrew over at his Lonely Author blog. Thanks Andrew.

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Mix Tape

I remember summer break
When you made me the mixed tape
Hisses that I grew to know
That segued from Poison to Skid Row
And how it caught that little laugh
The penny on the phonograph
The Scorpions ‘Still Lovin’ You’
Was it too good to be true?

I saw you kissing Candy Spritz
That same night that the tape would split
You begged me please to take you back
Said you loved me and that was that
I knew that we were meant to be
When Steve Perry sang ‘Faithfully’
So I taped the tape back together
But discerned the tape’s split forever

My faith renewed as I heard
The band Extreme sing ‘More Than Words’
Then came that day you seemed so distant
As if I was nonexistent
Was this something I could beat
With ‘Home Sweet Home’ played on repeat?
Though I was forced to concede
The tape played just at quarter speed
The end was nigh, I could not cavil
Then the tape became unraveled
And if my memory’s correct
I think it broke the whole tape deck

30 years I scarce remember
Those years that we spent together
Though back in my mem’ry I’ll go
Those songs play on the radio
And briefly think of your soft lips
And still expect to hear the skips.

Thank you to Phil Taylor for reminding me of a time when I used to listen to mixed tapes.

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The Life Of A Concert Promoter

A dressing room painted eggshell white,

For if ivory she’ll have a fright,

And all specifications we must meet,

Right down to a new toilet seat.

 

And I’ve just sent out the concert booker,

To find a very specific type of hooker,

Certain issues of magazine,

Cornstarch for their leather jeans.

 

A machine gun acquired for these temporary digs.

And a separate room just to keep her wigs.

Accommodations for their furry friends.

And for God’s sake no brown M & Ms!!

 

I’ve studied the rider’s specific features,

All to appease pop stars and divas,

But I’d just as soon they shut their trap,

And I’m quite relieved to see their back.

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http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_writing_challenge/list-lesson/

Top 12 Heavy Metal Albums of the 80s

Inspired by the recently released Rolling Stones’ top 10 metal albums of the 80s, I am chiming in. This was a difficult decision, but keep in mind, I tried to keep it to one album per band and tried to categorize the music that if felt could only be considered heavy metal, i.e. not hard rock or thrash. I welcome your opinions if you feel like I left any out. By the way, hope you don’t mind, mine is more of a top 12. Just couldn’t whittle it down!

12. Too Fast For Love- Motley Crue

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I know the musical integrity may not be there for some, but to me, this was definitely a defining album in 80s metal. And besides, I was 13 years old and Vince Neil’s crotch was on the cover so…

11. Stay Hungry – Twisted Sister

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Once again, probably not among the tops for people with refined music tastes but raw, rebellious, and definitely the definition of all the was 80’s heavy metal. How do you want to live your life?

10. Pyromania

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Right before they sold out, went rap, and Joe Elliot turned into Nancy Wilson, Def Leppard proved that they had one more in them, quite possibly their best.

9. Balls to the Wall – Accept

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Who cares if Udo Dirkschneider resembled a little frog? Who cares if Accept disappeared into virtual obscurity following the release of this album? Who cares if we really can’t understand the words and there’s some German dude in leather panties on the front cover? This album rocked!

8. Killers – Iron Maiden

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I know what your thinking but I loved Paul Dianno. I think he was an awesome singer with a sexy, bluesy voice that gave Iron Maiden a punk edge. There’s more Iron Maiden to come so don’t get your panties in a bunch. I allowed two Iron Maiden because I almost feel like Bruce Iron Maiden and Paul Iron Maiden are two different bands. Also, I almost creamed my jeans when i heard Murders in the Rue Morgue for the first time.

7. Holy Diver – Dio

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Shout out and big old two fingered salute (and I don’t mean two middle fingers) to Ronnie James Dio, nuff said.

6. Blizzard of Ozz – Ozzy Osbourne

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Premier album from Ozzy Osbourne solo with the late great Randy Rhodes. Great songs plus Ozzy on the cover doing something appropriately deranged and blasphemous.

5. Love At First Sting – Scorpions

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Hats off the another great German midget with a pair of lungs. Klaus Meine may not have looked the part but he sure was a romantic guy.

4. Ace of Spades – Motorhead

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Part of the inspiration for me writing this list was the fact that the Rolling Stones article made no mention of Motorhead. Don’t be dissing on my boy Lemmy! Fourth and probably the pinnacle of all Motorhead albums (although for me it was a toss up between this and Orgasmatron), and yes, it was released in 1980.

3. Defenders of the Faith – Judas Priest

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Barely beating out Screaming for Vengeance in the fight to the finish. True it does not have the Hellion/ Electric Eye medley but I think it’s a better album through and through. Also, there’s something about this album that makes me wish I was a teenager on a hot summer night.

2. Number of the Beast

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Ha! I told you… I told you I was gonna add it and see, I did!! Bruce Dickinson joins the band, Steve Harris finds his muse and writes the album he always wanted to write.

1. Ride the Lightening – Metallica

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I know many would argue that Metallica’s career became more refined after this album, oh yeah, after James Hetfield got singing lessons, and they started making videos and Lars became an asshole, and they publicly spewed their differences in Some Kind of Monster, and they started caring about their paychecks and forgetting that is was “All About the Kids” and of course, who could forget poor Cliff. Just give me good old fashioned raw Metallica, please. I’ll take this one, thanks.

Calling All Rock Stars

1984 was a great year for music. I don’t know if George Orwell’s predictions of a dystopia had anything to do with it, but 1984, to me, stands out as a year when every heavy metal band would reach it’s pinnacle in creating the optimum LPs all captured on glorious vinyl. This year would be a climax of two decades or so, of previous hard rock and heavy metal glory.

Yes, I’m talking about the Led Zeppelin, Kiss, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Metallica, and even you Motley Crue. The glorious rock stars of yesteryear.

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Now let’s take a step forward and look at the state of music today. Where are all those heavy metal gods, the true rock stars.  Where are the larger than life bulges in the pants, the boys that look like girls and girls that look like boys? Sure I understand that all of this belongs to an error that has since died out. But what have we replaced it with? Sappy banjo playing preppies, mediocre PC nerds, pseudo disco hipsters, ultra sensitive emo kids with weird hair, or, if we’re lucky, bratty second rate punk bands. It’s no wonder that our children are still wearing our rock shirts and listening to our records, now so smartly available in CD format and apparently all over the internet.

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Now back to the past. The year is 1985. Tipper Gore leads the PMRC, a committee of repressed housewives, dedicated to taking all the fun out of rock n’ roll. At the time, I did not see the PMRC as a huge threat, but rather an opportunity for rockers to unite and show how intelligent they truly were, while simultaneously proving the stupidity of said bored housewives who’s biggest victory seemed to be putting an easily ignorable label on albums warning of explicit lyrics and, ultimately, wanting us to buy the album EVEN MORE!!

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But now, looking back on things, did Tipper Gore win? Surely more raunchy rock stars emerged since then, producing bawdy lyrics and hip grinds. But it seems it was all with a neatly packaged, glossy sheen, that has since disappeared completely to be replaced by a piece of metal, shrink rapped and presented, as if to say, “Here, buy me. This is what you should be listening to. You don’t need to think about anything at all.”

Indeed I feel sorry for young girls whose best wet dreams will prominently feature a Jonas Brother. And while Radiohead is hardly the worst band in the world, and while I understand the feelings of social inadequacy, probably better than anyone else, nobody is more of a creepy weirdo than Alice Cooper. And it’s highly unlikely that “Symptom of the Universe” had anything remotely to do with recycling.

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So I conclude with an urgent plea to rockers of the world to put down your coffee cups, unite and rise with a thundering voice. To paraphrase Nora Roberts, “Rock n’ roll is restless, rude, defiant and daring. Once in a while, someone comes along who truly understands, who has the gift to transfer all those needs and emotions into music.”  Where is this person?  Banished to a bar band career because the record company is too afraid to unleash the raw emotions that constitute a rock star? Who will be our savior to deliver us from the corporate grindstone that rock n’ roll has now become?

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http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/where-have-all-the-rockstars-gone/

http://www.lohud.com/article/20071110/ENTERTAINMENT/711100311/Where-all-rock-stars-gone-

http://peeturdee.wordpress.com/2013/02/21/where-have-all-the-rock-stars-gone/