The Official List of Lists (In Verse)

On the blogosphere I’ve noticed this,
We bloggers sure do like our lists.

Mommy bloggers cross continental,
Listing all things sentimental,
And as for those moms more ironic,
Liken their young ones to midget alcoholics.

Comedic blogs hit a high fever,
Listing things they hate about Justin Beiber.
Or other subjects surely done,
Like Miley Cyrus or the Kardashians.

Dating bloggers in lists often quip,
How to get in or out of a relationship.
I think Paul Simon did it like no other,
In ‘50 Ways To Leave Your Lover’,
(But perhaps modernizing could entail,
‘Send ‘em a text Rex’, or ‘An email Gayle’)

Music bloggers have it easy,
Listing songs and albums hard, fast, or sleezy,
But may I recommend this?
Perhaps you can create a Liszt list.
Although perhaps you’d second guess,
As it’s much funnier only in concept.

But the one I guess most can’t resist,
Is probably The Bucket List,
Though these I never could quite understand
Since I never made it much past ‘ice’ and ‘sand’.

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[embed]http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_writing_challenge/list-lesson/[/embed]

The Kids Will All Write Submission 2

Well I guess anyone who has not heard about my The Kids Will All Write Challenge by now must be living under a rock. But for you subterranean dwellers, it’s all about encouraging our children’s creativity by publishing their writing, artwork, and even music videos! (which I will then republish)

Blogger Phil Taylor and I have a lot in common. We’re both originally from New York, we’re both unbelievably hilarious, and we both have sons who play music. Here is an awesome mash up by Phil’s son’s band Nothing Personal. Please enjoy!

For more info on Nothing Personal check out Phil’s blog at http://thephilfactor.com/2014/05/25/the-kids-will-all-write-challenge-my-son-is-living-like-a-rock-star/

P.S. This weekend I posted two reblogs, both of which received a tepid response. This leads me to one of two conclusions:
1. No one reads reblogs
2. No one reads my reblogs
Because of this, all The Kids Will All Write Submissions will be published in their own posts and, I will probably never reblog again.

Singing The Blues At The School Music Recital

So, as a musician, I am very passionate about encouraging performing arts programs for kids. What I am not passionate about is going to see these performances. My older child has just started Junior High, so while I am holding out hope to see some improvement with school orchestras in the future, so far, the best way I can describe the performances I’ve seen, is ‘plodding along tunelessly’.

Probably my least favorite performance so far was the one I saw this weekend which was comprised of everyone in the class getting up and doing solos. Yes they are adorable, but once they put bow to string it’s almost as if Satan has condemned me to a life of eternal damnation on earth.

And if there’s anything I’d rather see than my kid going up and butchering a classic in front of a hundred people, it’s someone else’s kid getting up and butchering a classic in front of a hundred people, oh yeah, times about 40.

Now I know you’re all thinking what a horrible person and mother I am for being down on kids who are trying to perform and learn art, but talk to me again after you’ve heard about 20 different kids butcher ‘Ode to Joy’, an excruciatingly slow version of ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ played on stand up bass, some tuneless attempts at Jingle Bells (in February no less), and, oh yeah, a version of ‘Wrecking Ball’ on cello, which sounded nothing like the original but may have actually been an improvement.

Now I understand that many of these kids are just learning their instruments and to those I say, hang in there, don’t give up, it will get better. After all, I know how it was when I started out, believe me.

But there were some kids up there who, unfortunately, had no hope. I know it must be awfully upsetting to try to encourage a child to take up an instrument and then realize you have made a terrible, terrible mistake. I would persuade you to nip this in the bud as soon as possible before any further suffering is endured.

There are many approaches you can take with this. First there is the Simon Cowell method where, you very bluntly tell your child, “I know that you have practicing, and working very hard, but your father and I feel it would be a great service for violins, ears, and humans everywhere if you were never to go near a musical instrument ever again in your entire life.”

Or you could be a bit more subtle. For instance: “You know there are so many great musicians, but someone has to be a fan. How about you?”

Or just simply: “Wow that was a really great performance. How about next time we try origami?”

23 Things You Should Do Before You’re 23

So over the weekend Suzie81 wrote a blog about another blog, 23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23. I had never heard of the original blog, but apparently, the girl who wrote this blog got called a slut and a whore for writing about alternative activities she would partake in rather than getting engaged before turning 23. Also, apparently, this girl’s blog went viral. In the meantime, I can’t seem to get arrested in this town. So taking the point of view that all publicity is good publicity, here’s my list but it’s late so I don’t think I’ll get to 23. Bring it on bitches!!

1. Sleep with at least 10 people
2. Go out without any underwear
3. Strip in a strip club
4.Hang out with Miley Cyrus
5.Go through a goth phase
6. Go through a heavy metal phase
7. Go through a punk phase (complete with green hair, a mohawk, and piercings)
8. Get rip roaring drunk and throw up on your neighbors lawn
9. Sniff glue
10. Worship Satan

http://wanderonwards.com/2013/12/30/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/

http://suzie81.wordpress.com/2014/01/04/23-things-you-should-actually-do-before-youre-23/

(blogged, trashed, revised, reblogged, thank you)

Happy New Nuttin’! (What New Years Means To Me)

New Years can be a great time of the year. Whether you look back at the year that past with fond recollections, or whether the last year was not all you hoped it would be, there is always the prospect of a fresh start with high hopes for the year to come.

However,  like Pandora’s Box, and other things that carry the prospect of hope, there is also a certain amount of evil abound. For me, that evil can be summed up with three simple words: New Years Eve.

Back when I was young and single, in the days following Christmas, my mind would be largely occupied by a single thought: “What would be THEEE THING to do on New Years Eve?” The answer was always the same, and that would be to find some small intimate party with my closest friends and spend the entire night there. The problem was that, most years, such parties did not exist. The second most reasonable option then, was to go to sleep at 9 o’ clock and pray that I did not wake up until well past noon the next day. However, for a hardcore scenester like myself, this option presented the possibility that I would miss out on something LEGEND (wait for it) ARY.So once again, another option put to the wayside.

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All this added up to me being out on the streets, following leads on parties that I was not quite invited to, or trying to charm my way into overcrowded venues for free, as I set off on a long, and often unsuccessful quest for the ultimate New Years Eve. It also inspired me to write this somewhat dismal account of what New Years means to me.

1. Everyone is entirely too drunk entirely too early
2. All my favorite clubs are charging an exorbitant fee at the door and are overrun by a bridge and tunnel crowd
3. Everyone expects something magical to happen and often it doesn’t
4. The TV selection is obnoxious and everyone at Times Square looks freezing cold and like they have to pee really badly
5. Resolutions are for suckers
6.If you are a parent, you could enjoy an expensive night out with your significant other,(not to mention what you had to pay the babysitter to work on…gasp…New Years Eve!!!) only to wake up at 7 AM with a throbbing head and a toddler who thinks it would be fun to start off the new year by pouncing on your bed.
7. If you are single you are weighing your options on the whole midnight kiss thing…and it does not look promising
8.The news has slowed to a halt and now all journalists remind us that we have spent the year looking at Miley Cyrus, Justin Beiber, and the Kardashians and using acronyms much too often.
9. The prospect of going back to work seems more hideous than ever.
10. 358 days till Christmas

All of this leads me to my current state of contentment which is staying at home with  my husband and two children who are easily pleased by party poppers, funny hats, cookies, and a movie on New Years Day. So I guess I did get that intimate party with my closest friends after all…and I’m gonna stay there…all night.

With sincere hopes that you fare better than I ever have on New Years Eve… May the odds be ever in your favor.

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Miley Who?

Emergency blog!! Rock n’ roll super mom is mad!! I was among the many who, for lack of anything better on TV to watch, mindlessly and unfortunately tuned into the VMAs last night. Not only was it an insipid dedication to almost all that is mundane and decidedly not rock with the music industry, but it’s only salvageable moments may have been looking at Jared Leto (though not hearing him…really dude, Kanye West is a rock star?) and seeing Lady Gaga perform.

I am not a huge Lady Gaga fan, more of a rocker myself, but I definitely admire her talent and originality.
What pisses me off, is that I just read an article saying how Miley Cyrus pulled off a performance that was more shocking than Gaga’s. The article may have touched on some valid points, hinting that Gaga was out of ideas reusing the schtick of starting out in a milk carton (had she done this before? I didn’t know) and then entertaining us with wig changes and smearing makeup which, I guess the writer felt was not terribly original. Finally, the singer turned around to show us her thong. (And by the way, were those butt implants? I don’t remember her posterior being quite so formidable?)
Like I said, these may be valid points but I was still impressed by Gaga’s beautiful voice and capability to pull of an entertaining and artistic performance.
Miley, on the other hand, showed no originality. Showing herself to be the spoiled brat that she is, who is still desperately trying to escape her Disney persona she childishly held a foam finger between her legs and stuck out her tongue (which by the way is impressively long, but, all the same I am getting sick of seeing it.) And by the way, the foam finger was also unoriginal to begin with, never mind the fact that Miley thought it was so clever that she saw fit to perform the move ad nauseum.
My point being, if not already clear, is that Lady Gaga is a talented woman, who gives, first and foremost, an artistic performance, which may happen to be shocking, while Miley Cyrus’ performance is no more than a desperate cry for attention with no talent or originality to back it up and is just about as shocking as a high school kid putting up her middle finger. She might as well have flashed the audience and gone home, and, quite frankly, I wish she did,