To Find Ms. Kind

It started out a day just like any other day
Blue skies, pleasant temperatures, typical L.A.
But this Friday was special as I was psyched to be
Meeting soon at Starbucks, a group of bloggers 3.

For a wholesome day of fun, coffee, gossip, laughter
With Erika Kind, Corinneonline, Carolina at Yesterday After
All the women were so sweet starting off you see
But I don’t remember much after¬†sipping my coffee…

And the next thing you know, well, the scene was quite outrageous
My head was pounding as I woke in a hotel in Vegas
Corinne was sprawled out on the couch and starting to come round
Carolina on the floor, Ms. Kind was nowhere found

Strange clothing strewn across the floor, emptied bottles of booze
A gap where I once had a tooth, Corinne had new tattoos
And in the other rooms we found a tiger and a baby
Plus little Wayne, Wayne Newton and of course, Wayne Brady

But as for Erika,we’d no idea what we should do
‘Til looking out the window, we came cross our fist clue
For what did we see flying high as we were sitting there
Hanging from a monument, Erika’s underwear

And then we all did realize it was our mission then to find
Erika in time to get her back to Lichtenstein
And we would do all that we thought we could do in our power
To get her on that flight which was to leave in just 10 hours

Our mission was before us, and it was do or die
We pondered perhaps she was kidnapped by some Asian guy
But despite our best efforts there was no way to retrieve her
So we asked Mike Tyson but he hadn’t seen her either

Time was getting closer and still we had no luck
We’d have to call her family and say disaster struck
And just as we were bout to put the phone up to our ears
We heard Erika’s voice she said “Hello ladies I’m here”

We looked in disbelief sure her image holographic
But she said “It’s really me, I just got caught in L.A. traffic!”
And we said “Oh gosh you drove here? well you really are insane
At 6PM on Friday you should have just got on a plane!”

And so it seemed that Erika would safely make it home
And the rest revealed itself inside Corinne’s iPhone
With pictures so embarrassing we all squirmed in our seat
And with no time to spare we all just quickly hit delete

And no one will find out what went on, that we all did swear
Or what the heck was up with Erika’s flying underwear
And the only picture that we all agreed to show
Is the one that I am posting right here down below

Just four normal bloggers who you see are looking awfully
Happy when they thought that they should all meet one day for coffee

Blogger Girls

I Lost My Muse In Vegas

I lost my muse in Vegas
Don’t know where she did go
I searched all up and down the Strip
I asked in casinos

They say they saw her up on stage
Just round 10:30
Performing at the Caesar’s show
With Donny and Marie

Then someone said at midnight
They saw a pretty clear
Image of her bungie jumping
Off the Stratosphere

They spotted her at 2 A.M.
At Mandalay Bay
They say she was dressed all in white
And throwing a bouquet

By 4 she’d put a grand on red
And really got her groove on
An hour later walked away
On the arm of Wayne Newton

And after that the trail goes cold
Her whereabouts are vague
But I know she will come home soon
Her tail between her legs

And when I do catch up with her
I’m going to be mad
Owed to the escort service charge
That she put on my tab

Along with the massages
The drinks and the tattoos
And Nikki Does Nevada
Which she got on Pay Per View

And so if you do see her
Let me know immediately
How dare the little minx to have
A better time than me.

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Elvis Has Left The Building

The makeup, bras, the lingerie
The Vegas golden age
I wait amongst the wreckage as
I hear them up on stage

Ned did Elvis pretty good
Gyrated every beat
But now I hear he gives out fliers
Down on Freemont St.

First Elvis thin then the Elvis fat
Then Elvis past his prime
Then Ned would leave the building for
What would be the last time

John does a mean Gaga and
He rocks on the piano
If he can hide that manly chin
And his five o clock shadow

Maria’s worried her Britney
Will soon fade from demand
As the pop star grows older
And with her so her fans

She contemplates a nip right there
A tuck here and a lift
To last her through the next five years
She’ll go as Taylor Swift

And Armand blows his afro out
Discreetly snorts a line
It gets harder to party like
It’s 1999

But is it love or money or
The warmth of the stage lights
That keeps the fire burning brightly
Each and every night

Or is it once the clothing’s hung
And wigs back on the shelves
We have to face another day
Of just being ourselves.

This post was inspired by my impending trip to Las Vegas. I won’t be posting for the next week and will do my best to stop in on your blogs while I’m gone.

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