Thank You, Good Night

We’ve been playing music now
For twenty years or more
Rocked a milliion faces as
We headed out on tour

But when old Steve was windmilling
He went and broke a hip
As they wheeled him off the stage
He said “It’s time to quit”

Then we sat and reflected on
The years that had gone by
And thought we could do one more tour
We’d aptly name “Goodbye”

And Stevie he would windmill too
But this time with more caution
And we’d put tickets up for sale
That cost fans a small fortune

With the event’s magnanity
All witnesses would bask
In music’s event of the year
The tour to be our last

And tears were shed and songs were sung
We wore our wigs, hid fat
And then with sadness and relief
We knew that that was that

And for a few years quiet reigned
With each fall, spring and summer
Until one day the doorbell rang
And standing there our drummer

And those fateful three words came out
“Retirement’s a bore”
And that’s exactly what we would
Be calling our next tour

And though a valiant effort made
In each show that went past
Our age apparent so we knew
This tour would be our last

Until our bass player showed up
Looking pretty crummy
And asked if we could do one more
Cause he needed the money

So then followed the Farewell Tour
And then the Farewell 2
The Ciao For Now and The Peace Out
Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu

The Smell You Later Alligator
Then The Thank You, Good Night
The Last Tour We Swear To God
And On Our Mother’s Life

Now we’re out here playing clubs
An audience of two
And that includes the lighting guy
And the cleaning crew

We strike signature poses but
Look like we soon will drop
Our fan are holding posters high
That say things like “please stop”

And now we’re on The Absolutely
Positive Last Tour
Although We Aren’t Absolutely
Positively Sure

This poem was inspired by a book of the same name by Andy Abramowitz.

Below is footage from Kiss’ final tour of 2000, another one that didn’t stick.

Tommy the Glue Eater

I thought Tommy was dreamy,
I thought he was the best,
I always moved my seat so that,
I could be near his desk.

But when I talked about my love,
Others just said “Ew,
How could you like Tommy?
Don’t you know that he eats glue?”

But I so loved my Tommy ,
And so I made the call,
To stand by my little man,
Glue eating and all.

In sickness, health, in thick or thin,
In any kind of weather,
Even though when we kissed,
Our lips would stick together.

Valentines Day rolled around,
What for Tommy I’d bring?
It took not long to figure out,
What seemed the perfect thing.

I’d make a homemade Valentine,
And I would not be lazy,
And stick on many ornaments,
With Elmer’s, craft and Krazy.

I’d glue it on the night before,
To make sure it would set,
And add more in the morning so,
That it was nice and wet.

And I was so excited,
When the time did roll around,
And there I would see Tommy,
Wait for me on the playground.

A smile came upon my lips,
A sight that made me merry,
My dear was there holding a box,
Of chocolate covered cherries.

And so I stood there by the side,
Of my dear Valentine,
As Tommy feasted on his gift,
And I feasted on mine.

I stayed with Tom for years until,
We grew apart somehow,
Then I heard that Tom had fell in,
With a rougher crowd.

I begged Tommy to stay away,
But he begged to differ,
Now Tommy the Glue Eater is,
Tommy the Glue Sniffer.


Jewish Guilt

Guess I was expecting it,
It finally came to pass,
When I was dropping my son off,
At his music class.
I bent down to kiss him,
When it became quite clear,
The boy had turned his head,
And I was now kissing air.

But I guess I could have foretold,
That soon would come the day,
He would become embarrassed,
By his mother’s PDA.
Although a little warning,
Might have been enough to please me,
I tell you there’s no way,
He’s gonna get off easy.

So I got to thinking,
That he might prefer,
Me to act in the following way,
The next time this occurs.
I’ll smush his chubby cheeks,
I’ll muss up his hair,
And if at all possible,
I’ll lift him in the air.

I’ll tell him to eat his vegetables,
I’ll tell him to behave,
I’ll say, “What if the next time you see your mother
She’s lying in her grave?!”
And as his cheeks are turning red,
And with heat start to burn,
I’ll grab a hold of his little head,
And I’ll hold it firm.

I’ll plant a juicy one on his nose,
And on his cheek another,
And maybe next time he’ll think twice before,
Refusing to kiss his mother.


Dedicated To The Chocolate Cake Served At My Husband’s Holiday Party

Oh, chocolate cake served at my husband’s holiday party
Served 10:30 at night
You’re tall dark gooey layers
They done me wrong they done me right

I sunk my fork into you
Both twice my size and girth, It
kept me up the entirety of the night…
Totally worth it!

I just want to add a personal message to my readers. If you read my last post you know that I thought that might be my last post of 2013. However I just couldn’t resist adding this timely and festive little ditty. You will just have to think of me like Ozzy Osbourne who had his ‘No More Tours’ tour in 1993 and then his Ozzmosis (Retirement sucks) tour in 1995, or Kiss who planned to do their final tour in (can you believe it?) the year 2000.

Have a happy!