Resurrection Misperception

Every year they wait for me
And my divine perfection
They speak of the spring day when I
Will have my resurrection

But they don’t realize that they need
Not to wait anymore
For here I am this year just like
The many years before

I guess my form is disguised so
They barely do detect
Since I don’t really look like what
They have come to expect

One year I was granola formed
In a yogurt parfait
The girl just said “That looks like Christ”
And ate me anyway

Another time I came back as
A big filthy cockroach
Another as burnt offerings
On someone’s well done toast

A homeless man with shopping cart
And cardboard sign and cup
I tried to speak the scripture and
They tried to lock me up

Once as a punk with combat boots
Hair spiked every which way
The psalms did not fit to the tune of
‘Anarchy in the U.K.’

A street hustler out making deals
On cheap Armani suits
A worm, a rat, a sunflower and
Transvestite prostitute

And so each year I cringe to think
Of my wordly reunion
‘Is that the same mouth that you use
When you’re taking communion?’

But maybe this year will surpass
How other years have been
Perhaps this year I will come back
As a Kardashian

No goofy comment about coming back to life as a house cat!

No goofy comment about coming back to life as a house cat!

Awol At The Mall

Map and compass, water bottle,
Check check check and check
Bandages, tinder and whistle
Hanging from my neck

But despite the preparedness
Of my survival pack
I struggle to identify
Whether this discount rack

Is the same one that I’ve seen
Some three hours before
Or if I’ll find the exit out
From the department store

I know I’m not to panic but
This sure is getting dreadful
I no longer see the trail I left
From my Wetzel’s Pretzel

The salesgirl has directed me
But somehow I’m condemned
To end up turning up in the
Perfume section again

Where some women keeps spraying me
with the Drakkar Noir
I look a confused housewife but
I smell like a French whore

And so my circling continues
It’s really quite upsetting
I think of maybe starting a
Rescue fire in bedding

My water ration’s running low
A most rueful subsistence
When bright lights of Target I see
Shining in the distance

Intent am I to get to where
The far off lights are glowing
I focus in on them and look
Not quite where I am going

I topple a Christmas display
A very stressed salesman
And what seems to be the whole of the
Kardashian clan

And finally I reach the mall
Like a woman obsessed
And just miss a collision with
Santa’s Fun Time Express

Shoppers give me funny looks
But I don’t give a damn
I only hope my family
Remembers who I am

And on a mission that perhaps
Sweet freedom will be mine
I make a beeline out of there
At the first exit sign

And as I breath in the fresh air
I kneel to kiss the ground
Only to find a much greater
Dilemma to be found

For as the night time air gets cold
And the sun fades to dark
There’s no way in hell that I’ll
Remember where I parked

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Would You Rather…

Would you rather future travel or
To go back to what was
Would you rather look fat in your jeans
Or tell your wife she does

Would you rather whipped cream in your mouth
Or would you spray cheese whiz
Would you rather to be bad in bed
Or love someone who is

Would you rather have bad memories
Or good ones you forget
Keep up with the Kardashians
Vie for The Bachelorette

Would you rather loose your cash or clothes
Playing a game of poker
Be Spiderman or Superman
The Penguin or The Joker

Would you rather I keep asking you
These questions most inane
Or would you rather I shut up
And stop playing this game

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The Official List of Lists (In Verse)

On the blogosphere I’ve noticed this,
We bloggers sure do like our lists.

Mommy bloggers cross continental,
Listing all things sentimental,
And as for those moms more ironic,
Liken their young ones to midget alcoholics.

Comedic blogs hit a high fever,
Listing things they hate about Justin Beiber.
Or other subjects surely done,
Like Miley Cyrus or the Kardashians.

Dating bloggers in lists often quip,
How to get in or out of a relationship.
I think Paul Simon did it like no other,
In ‘50 Ways To Leave Your Lover’,
(But perhaps modernizing could entail,
‘Send ‘em a text Rex’, or ‘An email Gayle’)

Music bloggers have it easy,
Listing songs and albums hard, fast, or sleezy,
But may I recommend this?
Perhaps you can create a Liszt list.
Although perhaps you’d second guess,
As it’s much funnier only in concept.

But the one I guess most can’t resist,
Is probably The Bucket List,
Though these I never could quite understand
Since I never made it much past ‘ice’ and ‘sand’.

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