The Battle

She pulled out a lipgloss
I pulled out a sewing kit
She pulled out mascara
I pulled out some cream for zits

She pulled out some tampons
I pulled out deodorant
She pulled out a scrunchy
And a large bottle of scent

I pulled out some aspirin
She pulled out sanitizer
I pulled out a mirror
And she pulled out tranquilizers

I pulled out green breath mints
She pulled out granola bars
I pulled out a notebook
She pulled out a jelly jar

I pulled out a water
I pulled out a burrito
She pulled out a pillow
And a pic of Jared Leto

And looking in the darkness
My stash was growing thin
Just a bunch of lint balls
And some bobby pins

But still she kept on going
Things came out of the blue
Her purse just notebook sized
It was too good to be true

With condoms, wallets, candy
Her stash still not completed
When she pulled out the kitchen sink
I knew I was defeated


The Respectable Woman’s Guide to New Year’s Resolutions

To stop writing Satanic messages on the blackboard in the frozen yogurt place
To learn how to use the soda machine at Wendy’s
To stop picking my nose in the car and leaving it under the driver’s seat
To stop tailgating little old ladies with my cart in the supermarket
To memorize all the words to Motorhead’s new album and sing them loudly in the school yard when I am picking up my kids
To stop reading blogs when I’m supposed to working
To stop cyber stalking my old boyfriends
To stop wearing torn underwear
To stop asking for samples at See’s Candies when I really don’t intend to buy anything
To sleep with Jared Leto
and of course…
To recycle

Miley Who?

Emergency blog!! Rock n’ roll super mom is mad!! I was among the many who, for lack of anything better on TV to watch, mindlessly and unfortunately tuned into the VMAs last night. Not only was it an insipid dedication to almost all that is mundane and decidedly not rock with the music industry, but it’s only salvageable moments may have been looking at Jared Leto (though not hearing him…really dude, Kanye West is a rock star?) and seeing Lady Gaga perform.

I am not a huge Lady Gaga fan, more of a rocker myself, but I definitely admire her talent and originality.
What pisses me off, is that I just read an article saying how Miley Cyrus pulled off a performance that was more shocking than Gaga’s. The article may have touched on some valid points, hinting that Gaga was out of ideas reusing the schtick of starting out in a milk carton (had she done this before? I didn’t know) and then entertaining us with wig changes and smearing makeup which, I guess the writer felt was not terribly original. Finally, the singer turned around to show us her thong. (And by the way, were those butt implants? I don’t remember her posterior being quite so formidable?)
Like I said, these may be valid points but I was still impressed by Gaga’s beautiful voice and capability to pull of an entertaining and artistic performance.
Miley, on the other hand, showed no originality. Showing herself to be the spoiled brat that she is, who is still desperately trying to escape her Disney persona she childishly held a foam finger between her legs and stuck out her tongue (which by the way is impressively long, but, all the same I am getting sick of seeing it.) And by the way, the foam finger was also unoriginal to begin with, never mind the fact that Miley thought it was so clever that she saw fit to perform the move ad nauseum.
My point being, if not already clear, is that Lady Gaga is a talented woman, who gives, first and foremost, an artistic performance, which may happen to be shocking, while Miley Cyrus’ performance is no more than a desperate cry for attention with no talent or originality to back it up and is just about as shocking as a high school kid putting up her middle finger. She might as well have flashed the audience and gone home, and, quite frankly, I wish she did,