The Queen of The Strongly Worded Emails

If the pen is mightier than the sword,
Well then bring it on,
Cause when she’s at a keyboard,
She’s like an atomic bomb.

She don’t care if she hurts their feelings,
She don’t care if they think it’s mean,
Cause when it comes to strongly worded emails,
Bow down to the queen.

Teachers, parents, businesses,
Can close the door with 20 locks,
It ain’t gonna protect them,
From what waits in their inbox.

They might have thought they were her buddies,
They might have thought she was their friend,
But she’s the Queen of Strongly Worded Emails,
And she’s hitting send.

Their heart plummets to the ground,
They start to sweat and stress,
When they see that message highlighted,
From her email address.

She’s callin’ them names and usin’ words,
I bet they never even knew,
And if they read between the lines,
She’s vaguely threatening to sue.

So all those bitches,
Can bow down and see,
She’s the silver tongued devil,
Of the 21st century.

And nobody can be meaner,
And nobody can be ruder,
So they best watch their words,
Or she’ll bust out on the computer.

And when they see those emails coming,
They know it is the end,
Cause she’s the Queen of The Strongly Worded Emails,
And she’s hitting send.

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The Grimmest Of Grimm

There are so many fairy tales,
In which the hero will prevail,
Because in each story the villain does give,
A loophole so that the hero will live.

An escape from death, a true love’s kiss,
A riddle to solve to save them from this,
A path provided to help them escape,
What surely would otherwise be their fate.

But If I was the villain, then without fail,
I’d see to every small detail,
And make sure each story would end in disaster,
And to hell with the happily ever after.

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Nobody Told Me I Would Have To Cook Too!

Looking for a little snack?
Perhaps a late night munchy?
Don’t look to me for spaghetti,
Unless you want it crunchy.

Even mac and cheese a dish,
That from me goes astray,
As my family runs for dinner,
But often the other way.

Frozen entrees are my friend,
They just never get old,
But even in these no guarantees,
The centers won’t be cold.

I scout out bargain bins and discount racks,
To supplement my family’s diet,
And once prepared we find out,
Why no one wants to try it.

I don’t discern much at grocery stores,
Look in my cart and you will see.
I’ll buy it if it’s cheap and easy,
(Just like me!!)

Which probably explains my husband,
And why for me his heart did plummet,
For somehow I won his affections,
But it wasn’t through his stomach!

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(LB)

Solving An Optimist’s Dilemma

“Marissa B,” she said to me,

“It really is not cool,

How you always see the glass half empty,

When it really is half full.”

Glass to my lips I took some sips,

And drank it altogether,

And putting down the empty glass,

I said, “There, is that better?”

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A Message To My Blogging Friends

An introvert lives in her mind,

Making friends harder to find,

And so much easier to take that chance,

With words carefully thought out in advance.

The writing and personality comes through it’s clear it’s

About much more than personal appearance,

So is it sad or a relief

That it’s likely we will never meet.

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Jimmy and The Twins

Jimmy wore a big smile when he left that night
Sure the fun was about to begin
Not only did he have a girl on each arm
Imagine his luck-they were twins!

But when he got into his humble abode
He felt his heart begin sinking
When he realized he knew not what to do with the two
His smile wasn’t all that was shrinking.

He thought he’d lay back while the two girls attacked
But since they weren’t into each other
He awkwardly sat in between the two girls
Wishing that he had a brother.

He decided to give the girls back rubs
A task that would prove so demanding
He found himself almost grateful to find
The evening not quite what he’d been planning.

It was at this point that Jimmy gave up
And let us agree not to speak
Of a night spent playing Monopoly
Paired with a peck on the cheek.

But Jimmy’s not one to be down on his luck
He returned to that same bar to spin
Sordid tales of that wild night
He totally banged the twins.

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Napowrimo Entry #3

 

I Wore Red To Target

I wore red to Target,
Not the best idea,
I wore red to Target,
And everybody near,
Said, “Do you work here?”
Said, “Can you help me, miss?”
And dear readers don’t you know
I couldn’t take much more of this!

If one more customer asks me for help
I think I’ll flip my lid!
And did that one customer come by?
Well you know she did!
I told her there were discounts when there weren’t,
I gave her wrong directions,
I told her there were frying pans,
In the electronics section!

Then I felt so much better,
And everything was fine,
Until I discovered,
I was in back of her on line.

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My Son’s Gonna Be In A Rock N’ Roll Band

My son’s gonna be in a rock n roll band
Like I was many years before,
My son’s gonna be in a rock n roll band
So I know what he may be in for.

Maybe he and his band
Will go out on the road,
They’ll drive for miles and get flat tires
To find the club is closed.

Maybe they’ll play for empty rooms
Or fight over slutty honeys,
Or hook up with a sleezy manager
Who wants to take all their money.

Maybe the guitarist will decide
He wants to change direction,
And embark in a solo career
And take the rhythm section.

Maybe he’ll be out at a gig
And someone will steal his Fender,
Or the drummer won’t show up for recording
After an all night bender.

But maybe he’ll know how it feels
To give a million people one chord,
To give the crowd your heart and soul
And leave them wanting more.

Maybe he’ll tower over his fans
When he goes out on stage,
And play before people that just want
To catch a guitar pick or touch his legs.

Maybe he’ll sign a CD
For a fan who replies,
“You don’t know what this means to me.
Your music changed my life.”

He could be a doctor or lawyer
And he could play the part,
Something easier on the wallet
Not as straining to the heart.

My son’s gonna be in a rock n roll band
And somehow he’ll get through it.
My son’s gonna be in a rock n roll band
And I’m gonna watch him do it.

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My son and his band ‘Ignore the Symptoms’ at their first gig. (He’s the little guy in the middle). 3/27/14