The Hellish Halloween

The bedroom’s dark and I lay flat
Dare not so much as flinch
Afraid to blink afraid to breath
Or move even an inch

My mind scans the front entrance that’s
Equipped with many locks
But still I doubt it holding up
To their ferocious knocks

But not a move I’ll try to make
I’ll have to trust the door
And will my body to become
Yet flatter to the floor

But despite my best attempts
The knocking is persistent
And as the minutes creep on by
It becomes more insistent

And I can only pray my body
Will remain in limbo
Till horrified I hear them tapping
At my bedroom window

Zombies, monsters, werewolves all
Emit collective groans
And eerily they do beseech
“Is anybody home?”

I want to scream, I want to run
Yet it takes all my will
I will not give myself away
I’ll remain lying still

My head lifts not to see the clock
But silently I pray
The hand will reach the hour soon
And they will go away

But as I wait a frenzy hits
The noise begins to swell
I wonder what I could have done
To save me from this hell

Something to avoid this mess
On Halloween’s next date
And so it does occur to me
Sorry to say too late

But in the future to become
My modus operandi
A sign that says ‘I’m sorry but
We have run out of candy’.

images

Chopstick Killer

Some people use a gun, an axe
A rope or an ice pick
I swear this mutha does it with
A super sharp chopstick
So you best just watch your back
When you’re in place remote
Because it’s sharpened like a pencil
And it’s coming for your throat
And he’ll jab you and he’ll stab you
Like you’re moo goo gai pan
Cause he’s the chopstick killer
And he’s on the lam

We’re not sure of his sex and
We don’t know his persuasion
We’re not even real sure
If the Mutha f**kers Asian
He don’t need no stiletto and
He ain’t totin’ no uzi
But he marks his territory with
A tell tale piece of sushi
And he’ll jab you and he’ll stab you
Like you’re moo goo gai pan
Cause he’s the chopstick killer
And he’s on the lam

And he’ll put it in your eyeball
And he’ll put it in your brain
And he’ll fry you in a wok
Like some beef chow mein
And he’s illin’ and he’s killin and he’s
Meetin’ his quota
And he makes his getaway
In a souped up Toyota
And he’ll jab you and he’ll stab you
Like you’re moo goo gai pan
Cause he’s the chopstick killer
And he’s on the lam

A bit of ridiculousness for your Monday brought on by a conversation with my son about what kind of serial killers we would be.

images-2

The Ring Pt. IV

The darkness now enshrouds my home
I sit there watching all alone
For what will be revealed to me
By eerie glow of the TV

But if it’s true I’ll find the worst
Whether I am to be cursed
By a fate I soon will know
That comes via the video

The image then becomes erratic
And soon disappears to static
A shiver running down my back
The monitor turns evil black

A vision that can’t be unseen
A ring that forms upon the screen
I’m helpless from what will befall
The phone emits it’s fatal call

A hoarse voice whispers out the phrase
Menacingly “Seven days”
Frozen to the spot with fear
I scarce believe what I did hear

Stare at the vessel of my message
As if it is some sick appendage
And suddenly I’m running free
To find out, can it really be?

My heart beats in a nervous rage
Consulting the calendar page
And then I find out that it’s true
My movie’s a week over due.

Thanks to my son Jesse for inspiration on this one and so many of the other horror themed poems I’ve been writing this month!

Lecter’s Litany

Life’s really been no fun at all
Since lowering my cholesterol
It seems a very paltry reason
For one like me to switch to vegan

When menacing I say “Hey mister
Watch it or I’ll eat your sister”
It just is not the same you see
When said to stalks of celery

And organ eating’s a sad joke
Reduced to hearts of artichoke
And I will miss the crispy zest
That’s only found in human flesh

Which pales so in comparison
To a peach’s tasteless skin
They say potato’s too have eyes
But I find them quite bland and dry

And miss out on the unique pleasure
Digesting all the gooey texture
Of what was staring back at me
But now I’ll do with broccoli

And sadly there’s no vegan platter
Substituting my gray matter
Nothing pleases my digestion
Like a rack of large intestine

So I will bemoan a fate
Of what’s a much less gory plate
And have to settle for mixed greens
With chianti and fava beans

images

The Bride of Frankenstein: An Alternate Ending

As lightening struck they gave me life
Assigned me as his loving wife
I had thoughts but no words were there
(and WTF’s up with this hair?)

I screamed I hissed I made him mad
But really he was not so bad
If only just a bit less green
Yet it made for an ugly scene

But in the end my only gripe
Was that he was just not my type
And maybe they’ll know for next time
I’d have preferred a Fran K. Stein.

Nightmares Do Come True

We”ll put blood red into your bangs
Sharpen your teeth into fangs
Untanning beds that never fail
To get that whiter shade of pale

And ensure that our manicures
Will file your nails into claws
A widow’s peek will look divine
Once we dye it black #9

And trim that devilish goatee
Since Friday’s buy one get one free
Get the look you always wanted
Suicide chic or downright haunted

See Xena at our zombie station
For the latest in disintegration
Drop down dead, ready to rock it
Egg beaters, electric sockets

Guarantee that perfect flare
To Bride of Frankenstein your hair
And Lilith truly is a whiz
At taming down that werewolf frizz

So now what can we do for you
Here at ‘Nightmares Do Come True’
Nervously I smile at him
“I was thinking…just a trim.”

imgres-4

Those Eyes

I have a secret fantasy
No one knows bout it but me
It’s really evil, very bad
Involves my teacher Ms. McFad

Clearly there is no one meaner
Caught me passing notes to Gina
“There’s no fooling me she said
I have eyes in back of my head”

So she waged an intervention
Both of us are in detention
Stuck in school life after hell
Our parents grounded us as well

And so that brings me where I am
When the fantasies began
In class all alone I find her
And start sneaking up behind her

Intent to seal my teacher’s fate
With stapler, chalk or paperweight
Silently I hover close
More silent than passing a note

More silent than a yawn or moan
Or those discreetly checking phones
Or rolling eyes or looking glum
Or chewing wads of bubble gum

I raise the weapon of my choice
When so clearly I hear her voice
And to my horror I do find
A sight forever in my mind

That made me run away in dread
For truly in back of her head
Staring so accusingly
Those two eyes looking right at me.

This one is dedicated to my daughter who just started 3rd grade last week.

images-1

Voodoo Doll

Gina Christine you are so mean,
I know just what I’ll do,
I’m gonna get a voodoo doll,
That will look just like you.

I’ll stick some needles in it’s neck,
And some more in it’s eyes,
I’m gonna put some in it’s knees,
And some between it’s thighs.

I’ll take it out to the driveway,
Roll it around in tar,
I’m gonna leave it there to get,
Run over by a car.

And then we’ll see Gina Christine,
Just who can be so cruel,
When time comes I see you again,
Next Monday at school.

But came the weekend I did fret,
And I did shake with fear,
What would become of poor Gina,
As that Monday drew near?

Would she be walking on crutches?
Or wearing a neck brace?
Would she be sporting two black eyes?
Oh, what would be her fate?

And so that Monday came around,
And it was at that time,
I saw I needn’t have worried,
Gina was just fine!

But she was meaner than ever,
Curse my thwarted efforts,
I’ll return to the magic shop,
For a voodoo doll that works!

imgres

Darker My Love

Come and take my boney hands,
And we’ll explore the night,
We’ll hover over graveyards dark,
Guided with hollow sight.

I no longer see the beauty,
That withered from your bones,
The soft curved flesh that life gave you,
Gone in this great unknown.

When once we lay on satin sheets,
When life was sweet and good,
But now we sleep in beds of dirt,
With worms and rotted wood.

And no more is your body warm,
Nor can I feel your breath,
Your spirit is all that remains,
We did not part at death.

But perhaps that is all I need,
As you float on with me,
As one we haunt these hallowed grounds,
For sweet eternity.

imgres-9

A Halloween Lullaby

Hark children, what do you hear?
A door that doth creak swinging,
Surely it is just the wind,
Causing it’s eerie singing.
See children, what do you see?
A witch with an evil eye,
Oh, that’s just the neighbor woman,
Whose day didn’t go quite right,
Think children, what do you think?
Peacefully outdoors playing,
For all of these wicked thoughts,
Are in your imagination.

The sun is out, the sky is blue,
Surely nothing can happen to you,
Everything will be alright,
With mommy and daddy standing by.
All this is just a fantasy,
A vision of what could never be,
But merely lives inside your head,
Or is lurking underneath your bed.

imgres-3