The Curse of the Black Thumb

The weather warms as my sweet children
Volunteer to take
The thriving healthy classroom plant
Home with them on spring break

But what my kids were thinking well
That I can’t rightly tell
But history dictates that this
Can really not end well

I think of lima beans to sprout
At merely 3 days old
When ours just turned an eerie black
And yielded deadly mold

Petrified petunias and
Non-breathing baby’s breath
The sickening sunflowers that
We swear became possessed

A tulip that apparently
Died of self immolation
A cactus that managed somehow
To pass from dehydration

And so the school plant’s blackened stem
A sign to me for sure
I say “Babies you might not need to
Water this no more”

Another added to the list
Of poor unwitting plants
In my defense they had to know
It never had a chance

And so on their spring break I guess
This clearly puts a damper
They should be glad they didn’t choose
To take home the class hamster

Thanks to Michelle at Lipstick and Laundry and her blog Grow Baby Grow for inspiration.

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Annoying Ed

Annoying Ed everyone dreads
And practices avoiding
Social interaction cause
He’s just too darn annoying

But I took pity on the guy
Sought opportunity
As I thought ” Oh just really how
annoying could he be?”

We went out to the movies
He talked all the way through
Spoiling the whole plot line
Dont’ ask me how he knew

He had a funny way of kind of
Whistling when he breathed
Then he spent the night extracting
Popcorn from his teeth

Though he was trying on my nerves
I swore we’d hang again
But none too soon when the phone rang
On Sunday 6 AM

He said “Hey, you want to hang out
Maybe shoot the breeze?
I thought that we could go meet up
Down by the Chuck E Cheese.”

And though not quite the manner I would
Choose to spend my day
I felt bad so I found what Ed
Had on his resume

His legs fidgeted up and down
Bit his nails to the quick
He hummed merrily to himself
Hocked loogies up and spit

He laughed too loudly and too long
I thought I’d lose my mind
When he told the hamster story
For the 7th time

Then we went to get some food
The waiter brought my plate
Ed helped himself to a huge bite
Of my chocolate cake

Chewed it with an open mouth
Then came to the assertion
That he just really wasn’t
Much a chocolate person

Smoke it came out from my ears
My eyes were seeing red
I came across the table and
I nearly strangled Ed

I said “I can not take you Ed
I’m afraid we’re through
On account there is no one quite
Annoying as you.”

And into the fresh air I went
Blissfully alone
Although as I walked off I heard
Him talk into his phone

And though I was so filled with rage
And my mind in a blur
Distinctly did he say “Thank God
I’m finally rid of her!”

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Cheap Plastic Pens

One day my words will dry up,
Like a cheap plastic pen,
Will I proceed to attempt,
To write as I do then?

And will you still find my words,
Marginally pretty,
Comment or give it a like,
Simply out of pity?

Perhaps just as a habit,
I’ll write until I drop,
And no one will be kind enough,
To say it’s time to stop.

Maybe hoping to recreate,
Genius of days before,
Or craving human contact,
Or maybe I’m just bored.

Cranking out a hackneyed thought,
A hamster on a wheel,
And could it really be so far,
From how Mick Jagger feels.

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