Beth

Some couple’s meet on stormy streets
In shared cabs business meeting
A common friend, or enemy
A smold’ring look once fleeting

I met my lover years ago
The details are so gory
And tried and true I say to you
Of the whole ugly story

As I sat over by the bar
I stared into my wine
About to take my sad self home
It’s just about that time

But as I scanned the crowd that night
My gaze would become prone
To a table set for two
A girl sat all alone

Her eyes they darted nervously
From her watch to the mirror
As I studied her movements and
Her story became clearer

It saw she was anticipating
What would be her fate
There was no mistaking it
She would meet her blind date

A tap came on my shoulder and
He was just my type
So tall and dark and handsome too
And I thought ‘Mama likes’.

And he was just so innocent
He asked if I was Beth
It didn’t take me long to think
My eager answer ‘Yes!”

The most magical night we had
And now it does appear
That that magic has lasted on
For the past three years

Though sometimes I am wracked with guilt
And sleep fitfully
I tell myself it’s karma’s way
And surely meant to be

Just yesterday he bought a ring
Asked for my hand in marriage
I wear it in good faith and hope
That he will not disparage

In his opinion of me for
I’ve no choice to confess
That I am just a desperate girl
And my name is not Beth.

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Couples Therapy

There are certain realities you need to accept in order to make a relationship work. The first one was passed down to me by my dear old grandmother and I have always thought it to be true: “Men and women are natural enemies”. After 12 years of marriage I think I can embellish on this with my own offering, “All men are stupid and all women are crazy”.

Now of course I know all men aren’t really stupid. There are plenty of men who run successful companies, solve complicated algebraic equations, and can teach Albert Einstein a thing or two about the Theories of Relativity. But show me a man who can coordinate a shopping list for his family that is both healthy and economical, successfully acquire every item on that list and put it away in it’s proper cabinet. Show me a man who can do the laundry without shoving one of your dresses in a drawer and putting your daughter’s panties in with your underwear. Show me a man who always thinks before he let’s an insensitive comment come out of his mouth. Show me that man because my Aunt Lydia has a son that’s single…(not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
Women, on the other hand, can be considered volatile, short tempered and fickle. Of course this is all par for the course when she has just worked all day, taken care of the family, and now she can’t find the mayonnaise, has to resort the laundry, not to mention that her husband just told her that on second thought those jeans actually do make her hips look kind of wide.
Okay, so after writing this blog, I realize I have been somewhat unfair to the opposite sex. After all, I have somewhat justified a woman’s insanity as they are her reactions to her partner’s behavior, (although, to be fair these reactions may include chasing said partner with the kitchen knife or breaking the glass coffee table in the living room (ooooh….so specific…do you think I’ve ever??)) while I haven’t justified a man’s stupidity whatsoever!
But the truth is, all this makes perfect sense when you consider two more facts you need to accept to ensure happiness.1)  The woman is always right. 2) In order for a relationship to be successful, a man must be completely, utterly  and unequivocally scared to death of his wife.
Free of charge…Your welcome!