The Battle

She pulled out a lipgloss
I pulled out a sewing kit
She pulled out mascara
I pulled out some cream for zits

She pulled out some tampons
I pulled out deodorant
She pulled out a scrunchy
And a large bottle of scent

I pulled out some aspirin
She pulled out sanitizer
I pulled out a mirror
And she pulled out tranquilizers

I pulled out green breath mints
She pulled out granola bars
I pulled out a notebook
She pulled out a jelly jar

I pulled out a water
I pulled out a burrito
She pulled out a pillow
And a pic of Jared Leto

And looking in the darkness
My stash was growing thin
Just a bunch of lint balls
And some bobby pins

But still she kept on going
Things came out of the blue
Her purse just notebook sized
It was too good to be true

With condoms, wallets, candy
Her stash still not completed
When she pulled out the kitchen sink
I knew I was defeated


The Woes of A Bargain Shopper

A pair of crazy sunglasses,
A candle for a cake,
A plastic toy for my daughter,
Which will most likely break.

A pack of colored condoms,
An egg coloring kit,
A matching bra and panty set,
That may or may not fit.

Suspicious off brand batteries,
A dingy dinner plate,
Christmas candy bordering on,
It’s expiration date.

A bottle of green nail polish,
Which appears slightly used,
Vitamins and meds not quite,
FDA approved.

But either way I’m buying it,
On that I am intent,
How can I afford not to when,
They’re just 99 cents?

And going to the check out stand,
I can’t believe my luck,
Until my bill is totaled and,
Comes to 99 bucks.