The Godmother of The Lower East Side

No, It’s not me…ha, ha! I would have loved that status but missed my chance when I moved to L.A. ….not that anyone would have been likely to induct me anyway. Well, here is my actual interview for the week about a really amazing woman who supports the arts and tries to keep the NY scene alive. You can read it here.


Door Girl

The power lies in me alone
As you can only hope
To revel in debauchery
Beyond the velvet ropes

But I will pass on you my dear
Your dress is not my taste
And don’t think you will get past just
‘Cause of your pretty face

A seven foot albino goddess
Fully decked in drag
A man in a potato sack
Girl in a plastic bag

Clever, understated but
I don’t see half the toil
As the man there saran wrapped
And girl who is tin foiled

And you who brought the boa well
I’m clearly bored to tears
You see it’s all been done to death
It’s just so Britney Spears

And there’s this couple over here
Who clearly carved the niche
Leather G strings whips and chains
Him crawling on a leash

And though we are familiar with
Your special kind of love
We’d rather not our clientele
Think we’re that kind of club

And you are not clean shaven
And you should have a beard
And you’re just not different enough
And you’re just way too weird

But you in jeans and T-shirt there
Not getting quite the take
On precisely the statement
That you’re trying to make

In any case it’s hip it’s now
It’s all a bit laconic
Simple, subtle and perhaps
A tiny bit ironic

So I’ll concede to let you in
Well imagine your luck
You’ve passed with flying colors now
Admission’s fifty bucks.


Silver Linings

When the temperature plummets to the nth degree,
And you’re sure there must be somewhere better to be,
When you’re crammed in a club that’s dark and way too loud,
And you’re fighting off a drunk bridge and tunnel crowd,
When looking back, the highlight of your night so far,
Was talking to that stranger you met by the bar,
Though admittedly he’s not what you’d call pretty,
At least he made you laugh and was somewhat witty,
A midnight kiss in the cards? You think what the hell!,
Till across the room you see, he’s kissing someone else.

When you find yourself deep in a conversation,
With a college girl who flew in on vacation,
When you find yourself holed up in a bathroom somewhere,
She’s throwing up her guts as you’re holding her hair,
It’s clear her affection for you is quite telling,
You’re declared her best friend amidst the expelling.

When you’re back on the streets, finally see your friends,
Through the window of a pub down at the north end,
You smile with happiness as you start to think,
How nice it would be just to stop in for a drink,
The bouncer informs you this comes with the condition,
Of coughing up the 50 bucks for admission.

When 5 AM finds you in a place no finer,
Than at the dank, depressing, greasy spoon diner,
Where you come stumbling in with a sloppy gait,
Cause at some point you lost your heel in a sewer grate,
You reflect on a night you think never again, You,
order the most fattening thing on the menu,
And your makeup is running and your breath is sour,
Another resolution shot to hell in 5 hours,
And you raise a coffee cup to silently cheer,
How it’s already so much better than last year.