The Plight of Snowball: A Dog Lost In A Cat’s Body

Snowball wouldn’t bat at socks
Or deign to use the litter box
She’d no use for that feline stuff
Tried making her meow a ruff

Her mother neared end of her whits
And wished her dear would only quit
But it was neither whim nor hobby
A canine in a feline’s body

And though her mom would fret and kvetch
Snowball brought a stick to fetch
Preferred to chase round the mailman
Then digging through a garbage can

She rather liked to chew one bones
Which beefed up her testosterone
But the elusive canine copy
Never did her ears go floppy

Nor could she seek an operation
To change the outcome of gestation
But other cats, Snowball they feared
And dogs, well they just found her weird

And rolled their eyes as they walked past
So poor Snowball was an outcast
And so a loner til that day
When all alone Snowball did play

Until the day she ran across
A cow who was born as a horse.

Brandon The Emotional Cat From Hell

There once was a poor cat named Brandon
Whose owner did all but abandon
He took him out nights
To eat up the mice
He cried nightly by our ground floor landing

Did he need to be taught a strong lesson?
Did he need a good therapy session?
As it was clear to see
Sep’ration anxiety
Had become the poor kitty’s obsession

Owner said “throw him back up the stairs!”
But dear reader I would not have dared
As it was clear to see
He had 10 pounds on me
From that caper he’d far better fare

We decided to leave him among us
He was emotional and humungous
Showed him we sympathized
But we left him outside
Lest he might well have eaten my youngest

Well, I’m back from NY and slowly getting back in the swing of things. I’m attempting to chronicle my adventures, the first being about a cat named Brandon who had just been downgraded from a plush Harlem apartment to living on the back patio of the building which just happened to be outside of our Air BnB rental. Sorry I have been so bad about responding to comments and reading posts but this time off was much needed. I’m still not sure if I will return to blogging with as much vim and vigor as before but thought this one worth publishing.


Brandon Himself

Roommate Wanted!!

I’m looking for a roommate,
Not looking for a friend,
I can’t find anybody,
I’m reaching my wit’s end.

The last roommate I had,
I didn’t see too often,
She liked to hang upside down,
And sleep in a coffin.

The one I had before that,
She liked to stay up late,
And tell me the insipid,
Details of her dates.

And one had 90 cats,
And one that never cleaned,
And one that never paid the rent,
And one was downright mean.

I’m looking for a roommate,
Is it too much to assume,
There are any normal people,
Looking for a room.


Circle of Life

I stare into her nostrils,
Held to her bosom tight,
Which threaten to spill over,
On to mountains of white.

Pressed between her and her man,
For a sloppy kiss,
Then above her head I sail,
I’m released from her fists.

And before I know it,
I’m flying off like crazy,
As the wedding band breaks out with,
‘All the Single Ladies’.

Women try to reach for me,
They bite, pull hair and claw,
Until I end up with a,
Spinster sister in law.

She puts me into water,
And now it’s up to fate,
Whether she’ll get married soon,
Or even get a date.

I’d let you know whether she,
Found romantic passion,
But, you see, she had 8 cats,
In likely spinster fashion.

So a set of fang-like teeth,
A pair of real sharp claws,
And some flying fur would be,
The last thing that I saw.


Literature of The Literal

If it’s literally raining cats and dogs,

If it’s literally all Greek to me,

If you literally eat, sleep and breathe your art,

If you’re literally barking up the wrong tree,

You may want to think about your use of the word,

And in a light more serious,

Lest the use of these idioms,

Render us all idiots.


Inspired By: ‘On The Importance Of Not Being Literal’ by Standing Ovation, Seated