To The Young, Dark Lord On His 14th Birthday

The fire’s burning bright
And the air is blowing cold
The robed one speaks in tongues
A vision to behold

He holds the knife above
And still the flames do smolder
And taps it on each side
Of the young one’s shoulder

The blood begins to pour
And so awash with sins
For midnight strikes the hour,
The ritual begins

The music beckons low
The chanting starts once more
For the young dark lord
Who now reaches ten and four

And so the door flies open,
And so the music ceases
For the dramatic entrance
Of she on high, the priestess

Mother of all evil
And of the chosen one
In haste she breaks the chalice
And kneels before her son

But he just rolls his eyes
Says “Don’t know why you make
Such a big freakin’ deal
Let’s just cut the stupid cake!”



Happy Birthday to my son Jesse Bergen!


And sorry for the shameless self promotion, but I see no better media attachment than that of our family band’s video for Mommy and Daddy Worship Satan. For those who didn’t see it yet, enjoy!

Deliciously Debatable

History’s delicious debate,
Seems to be that of pie vs. cake,
Why it does seem nearly unfair,
With cake and all it’s stately layers.

It’s intense flavor variety,
Must send pie to minority,
For apple, strawberry and peach,
If I want fruit, that’s what I’ll eat.

Though some differ in conclusion,
Unequal frosting distribution,
Makes it seem almost a crime,
Swaying the arguments towards pie.

In utility pie gets the mark,
Whoever heard of a cake chart?
And it does little to compare,
In equaling to mc squared.

But all of this math’s too much work,
When I’m thinking about dessert,
So I’ll give all of this a break,
And I’ll just cast my vote with cake.

But my opinion might waver,
All depending on the flavor,
It’s chocolate pie all day and night,
If the cake is just plain old white.

A response to Tom Balistreri on his blog Ode To Pie.  Thanks for the inspiration, Tom!


I Wish You Were A Chocolate Cake

Every date that much more typical,
Of the boring egotistical,
Men that journey through my life,
For the prized title, that of wife.

To please a mother who keeps insisting,
A biological clock that’s ticking,
But not sure she’d justify what on earth it,
Takes to make these dates nearly worth it.

I’ve lost track so long ago,
Of a one sided conversation easy though,
As my lack of attention goes unheeded,
And, in fact, is barely needed.

As I think longingly of the dessert,
That might give this night some worth,
And allow myself to daydream,
Of perhaps an evil scheme.

Where he’s up in smoke and in his wake,
A giant piece of chocolate cake,
And when finally the waitress inquires,
If there’s anything else that we desire.

I eagerly accept the proffer,
Without even waiting for him to offer,
Or ever think about my rudeness,
As I immerse myself in the chocolatey goodness.

And when I’m done I become mildly aware,
Of the fact my date’s no longer there,
I linger to show a bit of tact,
Before deciding he’s not coming back.

And when I ask of family and friends,
They say they never heard from him again.


A Poem That Takes The Cake

When reading this morning’s Daily Post,

My interest was aroused,

When asked what I would I do,

If I found a strange couple eating cake in my house.

You see it matters not who the couple is,

Or whether into my house they did break,

Let’s focus on what’s important here,

And readers, that is the cake.

For if they brought more for me and my family,

Well, you see, that is fine,

And this couple are now our dearest of friends,

And welcome back any time.

But if from my fridge, the cake they did take,

Well readers, now they are done,

And they better get the hell out of my house,

Or I’m calling 911.


Dedicated To The Chocolate Cake Served At My Husband’s Holiday Party

Oh, chocolate cake served at my husband’s holiday party
Served 10:30 at night
You’re tall dark gooey layers
They done me wrong they done me right

I sunk my fork into you
Both twice my size and girth, It
kept me up the entirety of the night…
Totally worth it!

I just want to add a personal message to my readers. If you read my last post you know that I thought that might be my last post of 2013. However I just couldn’t resist adding this timely and festive little ditty. You will just have to think of me like Ozzy Osbourne who had his ‘No More Tours’ tour in 1993 and then his Ozzmosis (Retirement sucks) tour in 1995, or Kiss who planned to do their final tour in (can you believe it?) the year 2000.

Have a happy!