To Find Ms. Kind

It started out a day just like any other day
Blue skies, pleasant temperatures, typical L.A.
But this Friday was special as I was psyched to be
Meeting soon at Starbucks, a group of bloggers 3.

For a wholesome day of fun, coffee, gossip, laughter
With Erika Kind, Corinneonline, Carolina at Yesterday After
All the women were so sweet starting off you see
But I don’t remember much after sipping my coffee…

And the next thing you know, well, the scene was quite outrageous
My head was pounding as I woke in a hotel in Vegas
Corinne was sprawled out on the couch and starting to come round
Carolina on the floor, Ms. Kind was nowhere found

Strange clothing strewn across the floor, emptied bottles of booze
A gap where I once had a tooth, Corinne had new tattoos
And in the other rooms we found a tiger and a baby
Plus little Wayne, Wayne Newton and of course, Wayne Brady

But as for Erika,we’d no idea what we should do
‘Til looking out the window, we came cross our fist clue
For what did we see flying high as we were sitting there
Hanging from a monument, Erika’s underwear

And then we all did realize it was our mission then to find
Erika in time to get her back to Lichtenstein
And we would do all that we thought we could do in our power
To get her on that flight which was to leave in just 10 hours

Our mission was before us, and it was do or die
We pondered perhaps she was kidnapped by some Asian guy
But despite our best efforts there was no way to retrieve her
So we asked Mike Tyson but he hadn’t seen her either

Time was getting closer and still we had no luck
We’d have to call her family and say disaster struck
And just as we were bout to put the phone up to our ears
We heard Erika’s voice she said “Hello ladies I’m here”

We looked in disbelief sure her image holographic
But she said “It’s really me, I just got caught in L.A. traffic!”
And we said “Oh gosh you drove here? well you really are insane
At 6PM on Friday you should have just got on a plane!”

And so it seemed that Erika would safely make it home
And the rest revealed itself inside Corinne’s iPhone
With pictures so embarrassing we all squirmed in our seat
And with no time to spare we all just quickly hit delete

And no one will find out what went on, that we all did swear
Or what the heck was up with Erika’s flying underwear
And the only picture that we all agreed to show
Is the one that I am posting right here down below

Just four normal bloggers who you see are looking awfully
Happy when they thought that they should all meet one day for coffee

Blogger Girls

What Really Happened That Day

To those who read this morning’s blog
Sorry I did not say
All the sordid details of
What did happen that day

As not all was revealed for sure
I think you’ll see the cause
The hidden details when I met
Li’l Miss Menopause

Just sitting in a Starbucks chatting
With the coffee’s steam
My decaf turned a cappu-frappe
Latte with whipped cream

And though she drove a blue Mazda
It was incontrovertible
Her vehicle morphed into a
Thunderbird Convertible

And pretty soon we drove on by
The wrong side of the law
In fact it’s possible we robbed
A small convenience store

The pigs were soon hot on our tail
But we were mean and reckless
Driving through the 50 states
But avoiding Texas

Murder, intrigue all to which
We may or not admit
A dubious encounter with
A very young Brad Pitt

But after driving miles it
Looked like we’d have to stop
The law was heavy on our trail
We faced a huge road block

But I tell you we bloggers are
Much smarter than you think
She fixed me with a knowing nod
And then a small sly wink

A jump on the gas pedal then
And holding hands we kissed
And before you know it we
Had drove right off a cliff

As for those fans of cliffhangers
They’ll believe what they will
But trust me when I tell you this
We are driving still.

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A Message To My Blogging Friends

An introvert lives in her mind,

Making friends harder to find,

And so much easier to take that chance,

With words carefully thought out in advance.

The writing and personality comes through it’s clear it’s

About much more than personal appearance,

So is it sad or a relief

That it’s likely we will never meet.

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The Official List of Lists (In Verse)

On the blogosphere I’ve noticed this,
We bloggers sure do like our lists.

Mommy bloggers cross continental,
Listing all things sentimental,
And as for those moms more ironic,
Liken their young ones to midget alcoholics.

Comedic blogs hit a high fever,
Listing things they hate about Justin Beiber.
Or other subjects surely done,
Like Miley Cyrus or the Kardashians.

Dating bloggers in lists often quip,
How to get in or out of a relationship.
I think Paul Simon did it like no other,
In ‘50 Ways To Leave Your Lover’,
(But perhaps modernizing could entail,
‘Send ‘em a text Rex’, or ‘An email Gayle’)

Music bloggers have it easy,
Listing songs and albums hard, fast, or sleezy,
But may I recommend this?
Perhaps you can create a Liszt list.
Although perhaps you’d second guess,
As it’s much funnier only in concept.

But the one I guess most can’t resist,
Is probably The Bucket List,
Though these I never could quite understand
Since I never made it much past ‘ice’ and ‘sand’.

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