I Broke My Hip In The Mosh Pit

I broke my hip in the mosh pit
I don’t remember that it ever was so rough
When was it that 13 year olds got so goddamn tough
I broke my hip in the mosh pit

I broke my hip in the mosh pit
I know they told me that I just should stay in back
But I could not resist and then something went crack
I broke my hip in the mosh pit

They lifted me above the crowd
To an ambulance I’m hurtling
But half the people thought that I
Was doing some crowd surfing

I broke my hip in the mosh pit
I didn’t know it would have been so damn ferocious
‘Specially with early onset osteoporosis
I broke my hip in the mosh pit

Another one for The Angsty Old Ladies!

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Pretty Clothes

 

I’ve been floating in 1975
Between Mick Jagger and Stayin’ Alive
Cause that old Beatles haircut just would not do
Said Johnny Rotten so I died it blue

With old bell bottoms from my mom
Put on my shades and I’m Elton John
With platform shoes so fine and showy
I must be Prince or David Bowie

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Verse 2:

I’m feeling a little bit down these days
I dress like John Lennon in his heroin phase
My sister’s dressed up just like dead great eccentrics
Somewhere between Joplin and Hendrix

My mother she laughs at my short little skirts
And wonders why I rip all my tee shirts
Searching the wardrobe for that perfect blouse
And if I don’t find it well I don’t leave the house

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Verse 3:

On a shopping spree of the Lower East Side
I pack all my bags as I swallow my pride
I’ll haggle I’ll bargain I’ll buy it by mail
Just blindfold and guide me to a sign that says sale

Lookin’ all over for my pretty stuff
And no matter how much its never enough
Cause I’m lookin so fine from my head to my toes
I never have money but I always have clothes

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Chorus

Go go boots seersucker suits
Consult my wardrobe dye my roots
Bell bottom blues front page news
Psycho psychedelic hues
Color me silver color me gold
But never mess my pretty clothes

I’ve been a bit braindead this weekend so decided to post lyrics from a song from my old band Sisters Grimm.

Cheap (Parody of Radiohead’s Creep)

When we were in the restaurant,
Couldn’t look you in the eye,
Did you see those prices?
I wanted to cry,
Can anyone afford this?
That I really doubt,
Think I’ll skip this meal and,
Put a down payment on a house.

Cause I’m too cheap,
For this bistro,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.

I bet they’re small portions,
I bet they’re a gyp,
If I have to pay for this,
I’m not gonna tip.
Did you bring your wallet?
Did you bring some cash?
I think they we might just,
Do a dine and dash.

Cause I’m too cheap,
For this bistro,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.

We’re running out the door,
We’re running, we run, run, run, run,
Run

I can’t believe we did that,
I can’t believe we had the nerve,
They’ll probably post a picture of us,
That says ‘Do Not Serve’.

Cause I’m too cheap,
For this bistro,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.

Thanks so much to my son Jesse for helping me on guitar and vocals and making me sound so much better than I would otherwise. I love you baby!

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_writing_challenge/to-the-tune-of/

The Schizophrenic Tendencies of A Rock N’ Roll Super Mom

Sitting in the office, the need to unleash,
The inner working of the beast,
When my work appropriate dress,
Is lost for fishnets and spandex.

Or perhaps at a child’s birthday party,
When I dance on the bar and bust out the Bacardi,
Waiting for my child at school as I wreak havoc,
Insisting all mothers air guitar as I sing Black Sabbath.
Or perhaps sitting bored at a meeting,
I’ll jump up and scream, “I can’t hear you Cleveland!!”

All these thoughts barely contained,
As I apologetically explain,
That I used to play in a  rock n’ roll band,
And never expect them to understand.

rssf app 6:14

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_writing_challenge/worlds-colliding/

The Kids Will All Write Submission 2

Well I guess anyone who has not heard about my The Kids Will All Write Challenge by now must be living under a rock. But for you subterranean dwellers, it’s all about encouraging our children’s creativity by publishing their writing, artwork, and even music videos! (which I will then republish)

Blogger Phil Taylor and I have a lot in common. We’re both originally from New York, we’re both unbelievably hilarious, and we both have sons who play music. Here is an awesome mash up by Phil’s son’s band Nothing Personal. Please enjoy!

For more info on Nothing Personal check out Phil’s blog at http://thephilfactor.com/2014/05/25/the-kids-will-all-write-challenge-my-son-is-living-like-a-rock-star/

P.S. This weekend I posted two reblogs, both of which received a tepid response. This leads me to one of two conclusions:
1. No one reads reblogs
2. No one reads my reblogs
Because of this, all The Kids Will All Write Submissions will be published in their own posts and, I will probably never reblog again.

My Son’s Gonna Be In A Rock N’ Roll Band

My son’s gonna be in a rock n roll band
Like I was many years before,
My son’s gonna be in a rock n roll band
So I know what he may be in for.

Maybe he and his band
Will go out on the road,
They’ll drive for miles and get flat tires
To find the club is closed.

Maybe they’ll play for empty rooms
Or fight over slutty honeys,
Or hook up with a sleezy manager
Who wants to take all their money.

Maybe the guitarist will decide
He wants to change direction,
And embark in a solo career
And take the rhythm section.

Maybe he’ll be out at a gig
And someone will steal his Fender,
Or the drummer won’t show up for recording
After an all night bender.

But maybe he’ll know how it feels
To give a million people one chord,
To give the crowd your heart and soul
And leave them wanting more.

Maybe he’ll tower over his fans
When he goes out on stage,
And play before people that just want
To catch a guitar pick or touch his legs.

Maybe he’ll sign a CD
For a fan who replies,
“You don’t know what this means to me.
Your music changed my life.”

He could be a doctor or lawyer
And he could play the part,
Something easier on the wallet
Not as straining to the heart.

My son’s gonna be in a rock n roll band
And somehow he’ll get through it.
My son’s gonna be in a rock n roll band
And I’m gonna watch him do it.

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My son and his band ‘Ignore the Symptoms’ at their first gig. (He’s the little guy in the middle). 3/27/14

They’ll Probably Kill Me (A Music Vlog Starring Moi)

A music vlog dedicated to all the women who feel like they have to be everything to everyone.

I ain’t gonna do the laundry so there
My husband will probably kill me
He won’t have no clean underwear
I know he’ll probably kill me

What do I care? Not a lot
I’ll just put on something hot
My husband will probably kill me today

I burnt the dinner again today
My kids will probably kill me
It was frozen pizza anyway
I know they’ll probably kill me

If they’re mad or if they’re hurt
I’ll just give them chocolate cake for dessert
I know they’ll probably kill me today

Wrote something dirty on Facebook today
My mom will probably kill me
I’m a big girl but anyway
I know she’ll probably kill me

I don’t know but I have a hunch
If I try to be nice and take her out to lunch
My mom will probably kill me anyway.

Cover Letter of A Dropout Musician Mom

Dear Mr. Big Fat Shithead,

My name is Marissa Bergen and I am very interested in the open position your company has available.

I see you are looking for someone with a college education. You will be pleased to know that I attended college for quite some time before I realized that it was a huge, boring waste of my time. After that I furthered my education by teaching myself to play the guitar, writing songs, and reading books because I actually wanted to read them, not because they were assigned to me.

I developed marketing and people skills by booking and promoting my own rock band. I also proved myself to be a self starter and entrepreneur when I opened my own candy store and coat check business inside a rock n’ roll night club where I made more money selling Blow Pops to stoners than I will ever make at your stinkin’ job.

Now I am a mother of 2 children. Every day I get them to school on time, make sure they are dressed, clean, fed, and that their homework is completed. So sorry if I am a bit insulted when you question my abilities to be hard working, prompt, reliable, organized and detail oriented.

Please see attached for my resume. Fuck you very much for your time and consideration.

-Marissa Bergen
323-555-1885

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