Do It With Cheese

There really ain’t no other way I like to grill it
When I get some frozen patties in my skillet
I’m down to eat a salad or scarf up grease
But there’s just one way to serve it that’s gonna please
I don’t care if it’s in slices or an easy squeeze

Just do it- but do it with cheese!

Now you might say your lactose intolerant
But I say just suck it up or you can go get bent
Cause if your tummy hurts then I say “oh please!”
Go wash it down with Tums or some anti freeze
Theres just one way to serve it that’s gonna please

Just do it – but do it with cheese!

When they see me comin’ they don’t need to guess
If I want some cheese with that cause the answer is yes
I need the gooey stuff and that’s for sure
And I don’t care if it’s costing me 50 cents more

Cheese is the stuff of life and you can’t refute
If you think you’re gaining weight then stop eating fruit
Cause life is too short to sweat the calories
So you best start clogging up all those arteries
Live fast and die of cardiovascular disease

Just do it – but do it with cheese!

Hello friends! I’m sure you were all waiting with bated breath for this last installment of our Three Songs In Three Days Campaign. Fun factoid!! Due to some technical issues this song almost was not released today!!! Lucky for you, we had a last minute edit that saved the day. I know, imagine you, all bummed out for the weekend because you were waiting for this song and couldn’t be sure if you would ever hear it!!

Well, here it is. This one was published before as a poem but now has music added, so PLEASE LISTEN!! Come on people, I can tell how many of you are listening and it’s a lot more than those who are stopping by to like or comment…although the fact that you are enjoying the lyrics is appreciated as well….but we work hard on this stuff!! This is another track with my daughter on vocals and you know she’s a newbie at this so all feedback is appreciated, especially the good kind!! Okay, without further ado, The CheeseBergens’ lifelong motto…Do It With Cheese!

The Hipsters Downstairs

Some dudes moved in to our neighborhood
Wearing trucker hats that read ‘Hollywood’
There’s Mr. Park My Prius Just As Bad As I Can
Paul Giamatti and Social Cause Stan
Prius talking ’bout Alaska, how he volunteered
While he’s cooking tofu or something weird
Paul is so loud even Steve Jobs can hear
And we can’t decide if causes is Clark Kent or just queer

… Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

The hipsters downstairs
The hipsters downstairs
Nobody cares about
The hipsters downstairs
The hipsters downstairs
The hipsters downstairs
With their stupid facial hair
The hipsters downstairs

They rise at sunset say up all night
They just might be hipster vampires
Or more likely a werewolf for Paul with that beard
Nervous Nod causes could be Frankenweird
Apparently guitar is now the thing
They murder it all night, let’s hope that they don’t sing
And if I hear ‘In Alaska’ one more time
I’m gonna stick that guitar where the sun don’t shine

Chorus

They threw a party last weekend
They camped out in the yard
It wasn’t them throwing bottles I feared
But bustin’ out with Kubaya

Some dudes moved in to our neighborhood
Wearing trucker heads that read ‘Hollywood’
There’s Mr. Park My Prius just as bad as I can
Paul Giamatti and Social Cause Stan
And if I hear ‘In Alaska’ one more time
I’m gonna stick that guitar where the sun don’t shine
Or maybe call an Uber and tell the man
“Take ’em back to Alaska or Douchebagistan”

As promised, here is song number 2 of our Three Songs In Three Days Campaign. I don’t believe I’ve ever shared the lyrics to this one before either and that is probably due to the fact that it was mostly written by my husband. I just tweaked a couple of things and added the bridge.

This is the true (if slightly exaggerated) story of the neighbors who live below us. Fun fact! We actually practice in our apartment, right above their heads. We often wonder if this song goes through their minds and, if so, whether they realize it’s about them!

Theme From The CheeseBergens

It started when my mom had a middle aged crisis
Should have seen a shrink, left to her own devices
She was gonna rock n’ roll just like me
Now she’s embarrassing herself for all to see

Chorus:
We’re the
CheeseBergens coming to your town
In a broken down school bus
CheeseBergens coming to your town
And the Partridge family has nothing on us

I know you think my sister’s cute but oh guess what
Take my word for it, she’s a freakin’ nut
My dad is kind of cool but sometimes he’s a bummer
I guess that’s okay because he’s just the drummer

Chorus

And me, I guess it’s kind of cool to play some music
Though it’s kind of a drag with the parental units
Still I’m gettin’ out and gettin’ all my kicks
Though it’s kind of impossible to pick up chicks

Hello and Happy New Year to you all! As a way to kick off the new year, our family band is launching a Three Songs In Three Days Campaign so prepare to be bombarded. Here is the first of three, and I believe I have not yet shared these lyrics with you so…added bonus! The song tells the story of how the wackiness all started…well, more or less…

I Wore Red To Target

I wore red to Target
Not the best idea
I wore red to Target
And everybody near
Asked me “do you work here?”
Said “can you help me miss?”
Come on don’t you know
I can’t take much more of this

Guess I was asking for it
Cause look what I started
Had it coming to me when
I wore red to Target

Tried hiding in the bathroom
I thought that would be safer
‘Til someone said “hey miss
We’re out of toilet paper!”
If one more person bugs me
I swear I’ll flip my lid
This woman came up to me
And that’s just what she did

Guess I was asking for it
Cause look what I started
Had it coming to me when
I wore red to Target

I could have gone to another market
I could have worn blue or green
But I had to go to Target tell me what did it mean
Did it mean did it mean
Did it mean did it mean

I made up some fake discounts
I gave her wrong directions
I told her there were frying pans
In the electronics section
Then I felt so much better
And everything was fine
Until when I discovered
I was in back of her on line

Guess I was asking for it
Cause look what I started
Had it coming to me when
I wore red to Target

This is another poem that I published many moons ago but added some lyrics to make it in to a song. It also happens to be the first recorded CheeseBergens song that my 9 year old daughter sings. Let me know what you think.

Also, the music is free to listen to, but if anyone is so inclined to make a donation, all funds will be given to the Ovation Music Fund, a nonprofit dedicated to helping underserved kids pay for music school tuitions.

http://ovationmusicfund.org/

Rock From Behind the Scenes to Center Stage

I think on every music scene there is one person that everyone is going to meet sooner or later, and Bruce Duff happens to be that person. It probably all owes to the fact that he is not only in several bands but has also worked in just about every capacity possible behind the music scene as well. Interested? You can read more about Bruce here.

duff

Wake Me When The Show Is Over

I used to wait til midnight then it was time to rock
Now I’m frightened if a band goes on past 10 o clock

Pre Chorus:
So find me a nice corner
Safe from the mosh pit
Throw an MC over me
Whatever you see fit
And you can call me old
And you can go ahead and mock
Just tell everybody else
How hard I friggin rocked

Chorus:
Cause it’s hard to get your kicks
When you’re waking up at six
Call me old, call me a poseur
But just wake, oh wake me, wake me, when the show is over

Well I have seen Black Sabbath, The Rolling Stones and more
But every time I just end up passed up on the floor

Pre Chorus
So put my somewhere safe
A little out of touch
If they ask just tell them
That I drank too much
Fill me in on details
So I can give my take
Of how it would have been if I
Were actually awake

Chorus
Cause it’s hard to get your kicks
When you’re waking up at six
Call me old, call me a poseur
But just wake, oh wake me, wake me when the show is over

Bridge:
Well it used to be I didn’t even wake up until noon
And I didn’t leave my house until the rising of the moon
But now that kind of living well it’s showing me no mercy
Especially when I am having dinner at 4:30.

Another, and quite possibly the last for a while…for The Angsty Old Ladies!

barplank

I Broke My Hip In The Mosh Pit

I broke my hip in the mosh pit
I don’t remember that it ever was so rough
When was it that 13 year olds got so goddamn tough
I broke my hip in the mosh pit

I broke my hip in the mosh pit
I know they told me that I just should stay in back
But I could not resist and then something went crack
I broke my hip in the mosh pit

They lifted me above the crowd
To an ambulance I’m hurtling
But half the people thought that I
Was doing some crowd surfing

I broke my hip in the mosh pit
I didn’t know it would have been so damn ferocious
‘Specially with early onset osteoporosis
I broke my hip in the mosh pit

Another one for The Angsty Old Ladies!

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Botched Botox Blues

I thought that I was getting an
Injection near my mouth
I never did expect it when
It all just traveled south
And though my lips don’t pucker so
Who’s really gonna snicker
Because although my mouth may sag
My boobs are looking bigger

Chorus:

They say it ain’t malpractice
So I can’t really sue
Guess that I’ll just settle
For those botched botox blues

So next they told me that I’d need
Some filler near my eyes
I wear now an expression that’s
Of permanent surprise
My eyebrows look a bit like Spock
My smiles a bit spastic
But I guess that’s the price you pay
When your completely plastic

Chorus

Bridge:

Hoping someone thought my son
Would look more like my brother
Instead it turns out that I look
More like Joan River’s mother

I’m shocked that they don’t cut me off
Cause it should be illegal
I’m sucked and plucked and overtucked
Can’t even feel the needle
I’ve bumps and lumps and red spots and
My wallets getting thin
And once it heals I have to do it
All over again

Chorus

Thank you all for reading my articles but I think maybe some of you may be missing my poetry. I really haven’t been writing poems much but I have some song lyrics I’ll be publishing over the next few days. I’m thinking of starting a band with female musicians of a certain age called The Angsty Old Ladies. These are the lyrics to one of the songs. I’m actually not sure I’ll be able to get the band off the ground due to certain logistics problems, but it will sure be fun writing the lyrics.

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