I Broke My Hip In The Mosh Pit

I broke my hip in the mosh pit
I don’t remember that it ever was so rough
When was it that 13 year olds got so goddamn tough
I broke my hip in the mosh pit

I broke my hip in the mosh pit
I know they told me that I just should stay in back
But I could not resist and then something went crack
I broke my hip in the mosh pit

They lifted me above the crowd
To an ambulance I’m hurtling
But half the people thought that I
Was doing some crowd surfing

I broke my hip in the mosh pit
I didn’t know it would have been so damn ferocious
‘Specially with early onset osteoporosis
I broke my hip in the mosh pit

Another one for The Angsty Old Ladies!

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Once Bitten, Twice Shire

For all that are interested, my next Geeks of Doom article can be read here. It should hold the interest of anyone who was interested in the 80’s hair metal scene which was a pretty fun time in L.A. Shire is my brother in law’s band and this is a picture of him with Guns N’ Roses Izzy Stradlin before he was famous.

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Pretty Clothes

 

I’ve been floating in 1975
Between Mick Jagger and Stayin’ Alive
Cause that old Beatles haircut just would not do
Said Johnny Rotten so I died it blue

With old bell bottoms from my mom
Put on my shades and I’m Elton John
With platform shoes so fine and showy
I must be Prince or David Bowie

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Verse 2:

I’m feeling a little bit down these days
I dress like John Lennon in his heroin phase
My sister’s dressed up just like dead great eccentrics
Somewhere between Joplin and Hendrix

My mother she laughs at my short little skirts
And wonders why I rip all my tee shirts
Searching the wardrobe for that perfect blouse
And if I don’t find it well I don’t leave the house

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Verse 3:

On a shopping spree of the Lower East Side
I pack all my bags as I swallow my pride
I’ll haggle I’ll bargain I’ll buy it by mail
Just blindfold and guide me to a sign that says sale

Lookin’ all over for my pretty stuff
And no matter how much its never enough
Cause I’m lookin so fine from my head to my toes
I never have money but I always have clothes

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Chorus

Go go boots seersucker suits
Consult my wardrobe dye my roots
Bell bottom blues front page news
Psycho psychedelic hues
Color me silver color me gold
But never mess my pretty clothes

I’ve been a bit braindead this weekend so decided to post lyrics from a song from my old band Sisters Grimm.

The Kids Will All Write Submission 2

Well I guess anyone who has not heard about my The Kids Will All Write Challenge by now must be living under a rock. But for you subterranean dwellers, it’s all about encouraging our children’s creativity by publishing their writing, artwork, and even music videos! (which I will then republish)

Blogger Phil Taylor and I have a lot in common. We’re both originally from New York, we’re both unbelievably hilarious, and we both have sons who play music. Here is an awesome mash up by Phil’s son’s band Nothing Personal. Please enjoy!

For more info on Nothing Personal check out Phil’s blog at http://thephilfactor.com/2014/05/25/the-kids-will-all-write-challenge-my-son-is-living-like-a-rock-star/

P.S. This weekend I posted two reblogs, both of which received a tepid response. This leads me to one of two conclusions:
1. No one reads reblogs
2. No one reads my reblogs
Because of this, all The Kids Will All Write Submissions will be published in their own posts and, I will probably never reblog again.

My Son’s Gonna Be In A Rock N’ Roll Band

My son’s gonna be in a rock n roll band
Like I was many years before,
My son’s gonna be in a rock n roll band
So I know what he may be in for.

Maybe he and his band
Will go out on the road,
They’ll drive for miles and get flat tires
To find the club is closed.

Maybe they’ll play for empty rooms
Or fight over slutty honeys,
Or hook up with a sleezy manager
Who wants to take all their money.

Maybe the guitarist will decide
He wants to change direction,
And embark in a solo career
And take the rhythm section.

Maybe he’ll be out at a gig
And someone will steal his Fender,
Or the drummer won’t show up for recording
After an all night bender.

But maybe he’ll know how it feels
To give a million people one chord,
To give the crowd your heart and soul
And leave them wanting more.

Maybe he’ll tower over his fans
When he goes out on stage,
And play before people that just want
To catch a guitar pick or touch his legs.

Maybe he’ll sign a CD
For a fan who replies,
“You don’t know what this means to me.
Your music changed my life.”

He could be a doctor or lawyer
And he could play the part,
Something easier on the wallet
Not as straining to the heart.

My son’s gonna be in a rock n roll band
And somehow he’ll get through it.
My son’s gonna be in a rock n roll band
And I’m gonna watch him do it.

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My son and his band ‘Ignore the Symptoms’ at their first gig. (He’s the little guy in the middle). 3/27/14

Singing The Blues At The School Music Recital

So, as a musician, I am very passionate about encouraging performing arts programs for kids. What I am not passionate about is going to see these performances. My older child has just started Junior High, so while I am holding out hope to see some improvement with school orchestras in the future, so far, the best way I can describe the performances I’ve seen, is ‘plodding along tunelessly’.

Probably my least favorite performance so far was the one I saw this weekend which was comprised of everyone in the class getting up and doing solos. Yes they are adorable, but once they put bow to string it’s almost as if Satan has condemned me to a life of eternal damnation on earth.

And if there’s anything I’d rather see than my kid going up and butchering a classic in front of a hundred people, it’s someone else’s kid getting up and butchering a classic in front of a hundred people, oh yeah, times about 40.

Now I know you’re all thinking what a horrible person and mother I am for being down on kids who are trying to perform and learn art, but talk to me again after you’ve heard about 20 different kids butcher ‘Ode to Joy’, an excruciatingly slow version of ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ played on stand up bass, some tuneless attempts at Jingle Bells (in February no less), and, oh yeah, a version of ‘Wrecking Ball’ on cello, which sounded nothing like the original but may have actually been an improvement.

Now I understand that many of these kids are just learning their instruments and to those I say, hang in there, don’t give up, it will get better. After all, I know how it was when I started out, believe me.

But there were some kids up there who, unfortunately, had no hope. I know it must be awfully upsetting to try to encourage a child to take up an instrument and then realize you have made a terrible, terrible mistake. I would persuade you to nip this in the bud as soon as possible before any further suffering is endured.

There are many approaches you can take with this. First there is the Simon Cowell method where, you very bluntly tell your child, “I know that you have practicing, and working very hard, but your father and I feel it would be a great service for violins, ears, and humans everywhere if you were never to go near a musical instrument ever again in your entire life.”

Or you could be a bit more subtle. For instance: “You know there are so many great musicians, but someone has to be a fan. How about you?”

Or just simply: “Wow that was a really great performance. How about next time we try origami?”

My Song

It takes a lot of guts to blog. I mean, you throw your feelings, art, and/or opinions into cyber space and wait to see who will like, dislike, follow, unfollow, get completely pissed off, or, perhaps worst of all, ignore.

Personally, my blogging process goes something like this:
Step 1. Write blog
Step 2. Read and reread, cursor hovering over the Publish button
Step 3. Read blog to my family while giving them a third degree interrogation of what they think about the blog, why they think that, whether this part’s stupid and whether that part’s funny, until they all refuse to talk to me
Step 4.Finally hit Publish
Step 5. Spend the next 10 minutes ringing my hands and saying “Oh God, what have I done?”
Step 6. Spend as long as humanly possible avoiding going back on the internet certain that whatever I have just published has caused all of cyberspace to implode
Step 7.Finally ‘man-up’ and go to the computer to deal with whatever response I’ve gotten
Step 8.Spend the next 24 hours hitting refresh
Now, I may not be an expert on blogging, but I have ascertained a couple of things:
1. If your bloggers like you, they will not abandon you so easily.
2. The more I obsess about who I may piss off with my blog, the better it seems to go over.
Yet despite my deductions, it still does not prevent from going through this ritual before each and every blog.
I know there are plenty of super confident bloggers out there who just post and post and don’t seem to care what anyone thinks of them, and to those bloggers I say, “Hell yeah, good for you!” But to those of you who might feel even the littlest bit like I do, there’s a song, called ‘My Song’, that my sister wrote a long time ago when we were in a rock band together and it often goes through my mind when I am trying to build my confidence and I am writing the lyrics here:
Is it okay
If I sing my song
If it’s out of key
If the words are wrong
It’s just my song, it’s just my song it’s just my song.
Is it okay
The things that I wear
The way that I look
How I comb my hair
It’s just what I wear, it’s just what I wear, it’s just what I wear
Cause sometimes I get so confused
And I don’t know what I should choose
And I don’t know what I should say
Is it okay?
Is it okay
The things that I eat
If they’re too sour
If they’re too sweet
It’s just what I eat, it’s just what I eat, it’s just what I eat
Is it okay
The way that I feel
It’s not a big deal
I just know it’s real
It’s just how I feel,it’s just how I feel, it’s just how I feel
Cause sometimes I wake up at night
And I can’t tell my left from my right
And I don’t know what chords I should play
Is it okay
(Big bombastic guitar solo here)
Is it okay
If I sing my song
If it’s out of key
If the words are wrong
It’s just my song, it’s just my song it’s just my song.
My sister and I back in the days that we were fab
Pic: My sister and I back in the days when we were fab