Squeezin’ Into Spandex Again

The chain mail bra the leather skirt
I tug and pull and kvetch
And after all the time gone by
I’m lucky these things stretch
Cause I will not reveal my weight
And I won’t tell my size
But I’m trading in my mom jeans for
Some skinny fit low rise


I’m squeezing into spandex again
I’m having a night out with my friends
I’m thinking that I’m cool but maybe no one’s fooled
I’m squeezing into spandex again

Lie on the bed and summon family
Tightening my grip
And tell them all come on and help me
Getting these things zipped
Then stuff my legs in platform boots
And help me get upright
I’ll hobble round and not sit down
For the rest of the night



I’m an aging metal momma
Lookin for a some brand new tricks
And I’m getting down in leather
Right until the lining rips
Gotta anaconda smile
And it’s all around the town
And I’m a hottie with a body
Least until I turn around
I’m a leather and lace lovely
I’m hood top dancing baby
Til the fuzz will lock me up because
They’re thinking that I’m crazy
All you young ones step aside
Because I’m joining in the ranks
And I hold it all together with
A badass pair of Spanx

Rockin’ out for the Angsty Old Ladies!


56 thoughts on “Squeezin’ Into Spandex Again

  1. I am loving these, Marissa! Funny how you’re just coming up with all this now…..thinking maybe it’s something that couldn’t have happened until a certain age, huh? OMG. Depressing, but you’re putting a hilarious spin on it all!

  2. Ahhh – the illusion gifted by spandex. Or maybe that’s delusion πŸ˜‰

    Look on the bright side – it’s spandex and not a 50s style girdle. That would be much harder to pull off under the leather mini!

  3. Hahaha I’m so glad you are back. Needed to have that weekly humour fix by Marissa. I can’t deny though spandex does gives you curves that you might not originally have so it’s kind of a win win situation for a little while…well until you had to go to bathroom and pee or worse…….😜

  4. The photograph reminded of Bette Miller! In her blonde stage. . . So funny!
    Lucky you (and I) don’t need spandex! I was going to say my favorite line is wearing the leather until the lining rips!! πŸ˜€

  5. I remember when spandex shorts were in style! I’ll be up front dancing to your band playing this one πŸ™‚ I’d better head to the thrift store and get some spandex leggings first!

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