Playdate Chicken

The time was exactly 4:56 and 43 seconds on Friday July 22. Mrs. Kleinfeld had one hand on the stem of her glass, the other on the neck of a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. She willed the hands of the clock to move faster. After the week she had, she needed sweet oblivion at any cost.

It was at that time that Little Ignatia skipped into the kitchen. “What are we doing this weekend?” Ignatia asked. Mrs. Kleinfeld looked into her daughter’s big blue eyes and somehow knew she was not going to take “Sleeping as late as possible and recovering from a hangover” as an answer. “We’ll see baby,” she said. Ignatia seemed to accept this answer as she skipped away.

This exchange caused Mrs. Kleinfeld to seriously consider her original plan and it was then that she came up with a great idea. If she could arrange a playdate for Ignatia perhaps she could sleep on the couch while Ignatia and her friend played. She texted Mrs. Cornheiser.

Hi Mrs. Cornheser! Is Annabelle available tomorrow? I was thinking that maybe we could get the girls together for a playdate.

That sounds terrific! Do you think that they would like to go to the zoo? I have year round passes.

Yes, I’m sure Ignatia would love that!

Mrs. Kleinfeld could not believe it. She had hit the golden ticket of playdates! Mrs. Cornheiser was going to take Ignatia to the zoo while leaving Mrs. Kleinfeld to throw up into the toilet to her heart’s content. Then the next text came.

Why don’t you come meet us at 10AM by the front gate?

Mrs. Kleinfeld’s heart sunk. Was she expected to accompany them to the zoo? She could think of no more hideous of a way to spend her Saturday afternoon. But what could she do? She couldn’t very well say that she would only accept the invitation for Ignatia on the condition that she be able to stay home and nurse her sure to be aching head. She had to think fast.

Sure, but you know, with the lines and all…maybe we should meet at 9.

Oh yes, didn’t even think of the lines, maybe 8 is even better!

Was this woman crazy? Was she actually thinking of getting there at 8AM? Maybe, maybe not, but that was a chance Mrs. Kleinfeld wasn’t willing to take. She decided to switch tactics.

Sounds good. Maybe we should also invite Little Bertie Kaminsky!

Ha! Take that Mrs. Cornheiser! Nobody liked that little glue eater.

Oh, that would be great! Maybe we should also invite the Rodriguez triplets?

How about we just invite their entire 3rd grade class?

Sure, and how about their teacher Mrs. Lipshitz as well?

Great!I love Mrs. Lipshitz.

Mrs. Kleinfeld could hardly believe what she had just written. She didn’t even think Mrs. Lipshitz’s mother loved Mrs. Lipshitz. But she was seriously getting in over her head now. She was 2 zip in the bottom of the ninth, whatever that meant, and she needed another tactic. Back to her phone she went.

I think we should pack a picnic too!

Okay, I’ll bring along some sushi in my cold and hot super duper cooler heater thingamabob!

Oh no, I’ll just whip up some filet mignon and serve it in mini sandwiches with the crusts cut off!

Okay, see you then.

Now Mrs. Kleinfeld really needed a glass of wine. She gulped the first one down and then poured herself another. She went to sit and think about how she was going to get herself out of this one. She could not show up…but then she considered all the times she would have to hide in the bushes to avoid awkward conversations in the schoolyard. Would it be worth it? Perhaps…

It was then that Ignatia skipped back into the room. The sight of her carrying on her own dialogue between two of her Barbie dolls caused Mrs. Kleinfeld’s heart to sink. She knew it was time to put on her big girl boots. She took to her phone once again.

Hi Mrs. Cornheiser! It’s me again. Something’s come up for tomorrow morning. Do you think you can just bring Annabelle by at 1:00 tomorrow afternoon?

Better make it 2.

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69 thoughts on “Playdate Chicken

    • There are elements of sadness here and I guess that can be true of a lot of comedy. I’m only disappointed that I couldn’t get a good belly laugh out of you, knowing all your going through. Glad you enjoyed it anyway and thank you for your kind words.

      • Marissa, don’t take it personally. OK? I’m reeking of sadness right now. I’m doing all I can not to give into the temptation to just give up. Too many losses in this Life, dear friend. But Life does have a way of going on. I saw my Grandpa sit and do nothing much but sit for 20 years waiting to die after my Grandma died. I am not walking down that hill. No. Mrs. Lipshitz honestly did make me smile which is a whole lot for me today. Thanks!! ❤

      • Bless you, dear friend! ❤ ❤ ❤ Once this initial stage is over with (about 2 weeks) I'll feel much better. Until then I do not give up and keep on moving. What keeps me going is knowing all who I Love will be together again some day. I truly believe that. ❤

  1. Children have an incredible resilience. She probably would have just skipped her way through the morning. It’s the adults that have all the guilt issues 😀

  2. Marissa, this is just brilliant. Made me laugh. Not because it was funny (and it was), but because it was so close to the truth. I love it when a cunning plan goes wrong. Really enjoyed this.

  3. Sweet Oblivion? I’ve had some of that stuff and what a headache I had the next day. On top of that, I couldn’t remember where I put the body. If you see a white Buick, please don’t open the trunk.

  4. God, people can be so damn accommodating! If I searched that white Buick, I bet I’d find Mrs. Cornheiser’s body in the trunk, am I right? Loved it, Marissa. 🙂

  5. Marissa, great title for this particular game of “chicken” these two continued until the Mrs, C. won the battle. You know how to amuse me with your original stories! Score one for Mrs. C; but Ms.K. will figure out her “payback” for the playdate! 😀

  6. Great story. I liked how the dialogue carried the story to another level. You could feel the tension and the ambivalence grow with each message. I’m not sure if it was a one-up thing or the other mother was just ‘one of those’, but which ever it was, it worked well. Also, I’ve got some suggestions if you are open to them.

    • Definitely a one up thing but a bit that the mother was one of those as well.

      I’d be open to suggestions but not really writing as much fiction and poetry lately. I should probably write a post to explain my recent absence from writing.

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